Its the love that counts. It sounds like something simple that we all have heard over and over again. Sometimes we can get so used to simply sayings we can forget how deep the message really is. It is the love that counts. Not to long ago I decided to check myself into a rehab for alcoholism. I felt that I was drinking entirely too much and was tired to going through the same old routine . One of the most valuable techniques I learned while as a patient in rehab is that the best self dialog to use when deciding what in life is worth it or not is " in five minutes, five hours or five years , will this matter >:
Wow. simple but so deep.
Sunday, April 15, 2018
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
I Am About To Spew
( Introduction to this post~ I wrote this about 6 months ago, just now ready to release it) I am about to spew onto this page the back up of spiritual vomit I have been collecting. Fear has ruined many days . I have spent many days in panic over things that people say and the things articles tell. I have been somewhat of a internet resident and many things on the internet can produce fear in my life. I battle fear as if it's the chick down the street (who presently is on my last nerve). Somethings and some people both try to over come me and it is easier to chase away a thief than it is fear. I can sabatoge myself hard and I am in a time of mourning because I did it again. I allowed what if to be bigger than what is. I vomit upon the empty page my failure so that God and it can take it away and it can be replaced once again with new perspective.
I moved here to PA motivated . My personal well being was my first priority and I was doing the things that started to show in my appearance. My skin starting really brightening and I could tell the weight was coming off. I was energetic and had self control at the table . Allowing myself to spend too much time in the presence of those entertaining sin and wrong thinking did more harm to me than it did good for them. I slowly lost my focus and became involved with the theories of others rather the truth in my Word and I let fear knock at my door. Next thing you know I am back at watching those internet videos about end world scenerios and such. I was watching videos on sudden weight loss could indicate you have cancer. That was it. I was dooped into a downward spiral of fear and self sabatoge at that very moment I questioned my weight loss as indication of disease and death instead of victory and triumph.
How pathetic is this ? I ask myself like , wow really ? What a moment of complete fear, I allowed my own thoughts to destroy what God was giving me. UUUUggghhhh !
It was a little difficult to come back to a place of complete surrender not because I am angry at God but I feel like it was would be easier to just be angry at him instead of come clean and admit in my soul how truly this shouldn't of happened because I knew better. I was aware of the chance Iwas taking when I decided to entertain undivine friendship with its hopes to deposit instead of inherit. I should always follow the direction of the holy Spirit because when I do things on my own I mess up hard.
Time to refocus and get back on my daily routine of taking my health seriously. My health is connected to whom i choose to let into my circle. I must stay focused on Him or else I can not function. I am to eager to jump on any emotional ban wagon is it is offered. I am so over the traveling through emotional moutains. I want it no longer.
So as I find myself once again comfortable in my dysfunction rather than my victory, I mustard up the courage to encourage myself to rebuke the fear and stay clear from all sources of it. Not all written articles are designed to be read by the believer and I acknowledge this completely. The only information I want going into my head is the knowledge and wisdom of God. I am completely eager to love on the ugliest of people. The ugly is what I am familiar with. Problem is God is leading me pass familiar and into unknown. I am scared because of the glare of glory shining in my face. Can I arise pass the equation that was designed to make me hate myself. Yes , Yes I can.. Yes I am.
I moved here to PA motivated . My personal well being was my first priority and I was doing the things that started to show in my appearance. My skin starting really brightening and I could tell the weight was coming off. I was energetic and had self control at the table . Allowing myself to spend too much time in the presence of those entertaining sin and wrong thinking did more harm to me than it did good for them. I slowly lost my focus and became involved with the theories of others rather the truth in my Word and I let fear knock at my door. Next thing you know I am back at watching those internet videos about end world scenerios and such. I was watching videos on sudden weight loss could indicate you have cancer. That was it. I was dooped into a downward spiral of fear and self sabatoge at that very moment I questioned my weight loss as indication of disease and death instead of victory and triumph.
How pathetic is this ? I ask myself like , wow really ? What a moment of complete fear, I allowed my own thoughts to destroy what God was giving me. UUUUggghhhh !
It was a little difficult to come back to a place of complete surrender not because I am angry at God but I feel like it was would be easier to just be angry at him instead of come clean and admit in my soul how truly this shouldn't of happened because I knew better. I was aware of the chance Iwas taking when I decided to entertain undivine friendship with its hopes to deposit instead of inherit. I should always follow the direction of the holy Spirit because when I do things on my own I mess up hard.
Time to refocus and get back on my daily routine of taking my health seriously. My health is connected to whom i choose to let into my circle. I must stay focused on Him or else I can not function. I am to eager to jump on any emotional ban wagon is it is offered. I am so over the traveling through emotional moutains. I want it no longer.
So as I find myself once again comfortable in my dysfunction rather than my victory, I mustard up the courage to encourage myself to rebuke the fear and stay clear from all sources of it. Not all written articles are designed to be read by the believer and I acknowledge this completely. The only information I want going into my head is the knowledge and wisdom of God. I am completely eager to love on the ugliest of people. The ugly is what I am familiar with. Problem is God is leading me pass familiar and into unknown. I am scared because of the glare of glory shining in my face. Can I arise pass the equation that was designed to make me hate myself. Yes , Yes I can.. Yes I am.
The Leather Jacket Testimony
God has given me so many reasons to fall in love with him. This one particular testimony is about my leather jacket. Back in the day when Bubble~up was alive and we were doing our Gangsta thang I had a job at a local store where they had a post office. One day a lady came in and tried to drop off a big box that was delivered to her but did not belong to her. I informed the lady there was a $5 drop off fee and she wouldn't be able to leave the box without paying the fee. She was so mad she just dropped the box and walked out. I took the box to my car and decided it was going to be mine whatever was inside of it . Man when I got home I was so happy because inside the box was little leather jacket , trench coat, long and smooth with classy buttons down the front. It was my size and I loved it. I wore that jacket everywhere I went when we were playing the game. That jacket became my statement piece and everyone would always say Jewels the one with the black jacket. I loved that jacket. I felt like at that time it was a gift from the game.
After many years of being in the game and almost loosing my life a few times I desperatly cried out to God. I asked him if he could get me out I would turn over my life to him. He answered my prayer and saved me from death, prison, disease. I was extracted from my destruction and set upon a safe place and He began to restore my life. After I had been married for a year and having my son Tj God called me into my closet of the new home Tony had just bought for our new family. God told me in my heart to throw that leather jacket away. It shouldn't even be in my present day closet being longed for by me because it was when i was skinny. That the jacket represented the old me and I would never need it again. I couldn't bring myself to do it . I walked away from the closet.
Time went before one day I found myself in the kitchen and I could hear the Holy Spirit speaking to me about that Jacket. God wanted it out . I longed so badly for God to be close that I decided to listen this time and I ran to the closet and grabbed the jacket. It was trash day in El Mirage, Az and I could hear the truck on our street. I had the jacket in my hands and my heart was pounding so hard. I loved this jacket, it had so many memories of my old life attached to it. Okay God , I trust you. I ran to the curb and tossed the jacket inside the can. Moments later the truck was at my house and the jacket was now gone forever. My heart was pounding as i slowly walked into my house and starting thinking of what I had just done in the early morning hours , thinking it was God talking to me.
The following morning the doorbell rang and I didn't know who it could be. When I answered the door there was this really cute , bubbly , Latina chicka named Annette standing there. She had a leather jacket in her arms. She introduced herself as Annette and she was my new neighbor. She wanted to let me know she had moved in and that she saw me and realized that this brand new leather jacket that she had come across was just my size. She wanted to give it to me as a gift and wanted to know if we could be friends. I am still friends with Annette to this day. She is a special friend to me because God brought us together. God at that time was flooding my whole street with his presence and people were being drawn together and becoming a story of grace. This is one of the examples of how he did so. This is my testimony. God asked me to get rid of something and then he replaced it with some better. My new leather jacket was beautiful, fur lined and was the perfect size.
After many years of being in the game and almost loosing my life a few times I desperatly cried out to God. I asked him if he could get me out I would turn over my life to him. He answered my prayer and saved me from death, prison, disease. I was extracted from my destruction and set upon a safe place and He began to restore my life. After I had been married for a year and having my son Tj God called me into my closet of the new home Tony had just bought for our new family. God told me in my heart to throw that leather jacket away. It shouldn't even be in my present day closet being longed for by me because it was when i was skinny. That the jacket represented the old me and I would never need it again. I couldn't bring myself to do it . I walked away from the closet.
Time went before one day I found myself in the kitchen and I could hear the Holy Spirit speaking to me about that Jacket. God wanted it out . I longed so badly for God to be close that I decided to listen this time and I ran to the closet and grabbed the jacket. It was trash day in El Mirage, Az and I could hear the truck on our street. I had the jacket in my hands and my heart was pounding so hard. I loved this jacket, it had so many memories of my old life attached to it. Okay God , I trust you. I ran to the curb and tossed the jacket inside the can. Moments later the truck was at my house and the jacket was now gone forever. My heart was pounding as i slowly walked into my house and starting thinking of what I had just done in the early morning hours , thinking it was God talking to me.
The following morning the doorbell rang and I didn't know who it could be. When I answered the door there was this really cute , bubbly , Latina chicka named Annette standing there. She had a leather jacket in her arms. She introduced herself as Annette and she was my new neighbor. She wanted to let me know she had moved in and that she saw me and realized that this brand new leather jacket that she had come across was just my size. She wanted to give it to me as a gift and wanted to know if we could be friends. I am still friends with Annette to this day. She is a special friend to me because God brought us together. God at that time was flooding my whole street with his presence and people were being drawn together and becoming a story of grace. This is one of the examples of how he did so. This is my testimony. God asked me to get rid of something and then he replaced it with some better. My new leather jacket was beautiful, fur lined and was the perfect size.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
I am too tired to talk religion..
I am so tired of talking religion. I am so tired of reading blog posts on what does it truly mean to be a Christian. I am fed up with the opinions of some Christians on why they think other Christians are not living all that God has for them. Honestly I think if you are in a place where you don't feel as if your relationship with God can go any higher ,to the next step of enlightenment then your probably in more danger than the christians your talking about. Nothing can compare to the foul taste of spiritual death stank than that of a self righteous person. Come on now, we all have to much to say about what other people are doing. Last time I checked it was Jesus on the cross not you. I watch the news and I watch the news feed. Since when did we really start reporting tweets ?? Seriously ?
I tell you what I will make a deal with you . If your in my life and I am in yours then let's not talk about religion. Let's not talk about how we should be. Lets just be. Let's spend our time together doing things like going out to eat or shopping or gardening or baking. I am going to see you and you will see me. We will witness each other's character. I will observe how you treat other people that cross our paths and you will do so with me. We will have the opportunities through out each day to be either kind or self ish. It is nothing you can do to eliminate the fact that you share this world with other people right outside your door or on the other side of your living room wall. I think all of us would love to live on an exotic island alone but truth is it's not going to happen. We are not alone in this world or in this life. We may feel alone but we are not alone. The world is booming with people. Poor , rich, homeless, stuck up, moody, hateful, evil, beautiful, poetic, random, hyper, young , innocent , the list goes on and on of the people we share this life with. So let's keep this straight... l don't want to sit around and talk your religion with you... I wannna stir around some people and see how you treat people , to me that is your religion.
Stop talking about it and start being about it. Who you ask? , well the first person every morning who you should be a blessing to is yourself. Encourage that person because that's the first place grace should be effective. Too much talking. Too many mouths and not enough hands. Too many weapons and not enough ears. Too many wants and not enough giving. Too many victims and not enough heroes.
I am tired of listening to those who talk and then treat you like they don't know you when they are finished. I am tired of hearing and not seeing.. How you treat a people is your religion.
I tell you what I will make a deal with you . If your in my life and I am in yours then let's not talk about religion. Let's not talk about how we should be. Lets just be. Let's spend our time together doing things like going out to eat or shopping or gardening or baking. I am going to see you and you will see me. We will witness each other's character. I will observe how you treat other people that cross our paths and you will do so with me. We will have the opportunities through out each day to be either kind or self ish. It is nothing you can do to eliminate the fact that you share this world with other people right outside your door or on the other side of your living room wall. I think all of us would love to live on an exotic island alone but truth is it's not going to happen. We are not alone in this world or in this life. We may feel alone but we are not alone. The world is booming with people. Poor , rich, homeless, stuck up, moody, hateful, evil, beautiful, poetic, random, hyper, young , innocent , the list goes on and on of the people we share this life with. So let's keep this straight... l don't want to sit around and talk your religion with you... I wannna stir around some people and see how you treat people , to me that is your religion.
Stop talking about it and start being about it. Who you ask? , well the first person every morning who you should be a blessing to is yourself. Encourage that person because that's the first place grace should be effective. Too much talking. Too many mouths and not enough hands. Too many weapons and not enough ears. Too many wants and not enough giving. Too many victims and not enough heroes.
I am tired of listening to those who talk and then treat you like they don't know you when they are finished. I am tired of hearing and not seeing.. How you treat a people is your religion.
Sunday, August 2, 2015
The Lord Just Revealed To Me, A Little Piece of Myself.
Glory to God !! I love the way He communicates to me. I love that he speaks to me about me in such a way that I am loving myself more and more as I learn to stop holding a grudge against myself for my humanity. I haven't been writing as much because I have been going through some rather petty situations with a heavy spiritual reality. Simple situations turned heavy in the heart because spiritually I am quietly screwing up. I allowed my heart and my feelings to take charge without realizing my faith and my relationship to my Lord was taking backstage. It was a loss of perspective in simple terms but for me it was more than that, it was failure. Weighed heavy on me.
I have always been an investigator and believer of the connections between physical realities and spiritual ones being one in the same in every possible way. I look for them. I search for them. I do it in my life and in others. This truth is never been proven wrong in my experience. The Lord has used this in my life in great lengths and this morning he has once again marveled me. It is a great thing to begin to know yourself. For so many years I knew my habits and my addictions and I allowed them to define me, but that wasn't knowing myself. I am beginning to realize who Julie is and in fact I do love her. I love me. I am created by the one who is worthy and He calls me his. He will help me in the process of knowing who I am so that I can follow him always . He is My Savior.
About 8 months ago I got a job for the first time in 8 years. I loved it. I wanted to be there so genuinely. I was Blessed to be able to take on this part time job as a Hostess at a steak house. I was determined to be the light. To shine for Christ. To be happy and motivated . To help and serve others as much as I could for the 20 hours I was there. It was great. Months passed and settled into a routine. After being picked on by a bully a few times and then the stress of a 40 hour a week I burst out into the old Jewels just long enough to let this bully know I am tired, and I am done with you talking to me this way ! It felt good to slightly go into a rage letting it out upon the one who made it worse for me. After I successfully won the respect of my bully I started to get caught up in the rumor mill that was spinning 247 at my job. I never really was apart of it before I snapped on that bully. Afterwards I had so many conversations about the victory myself pride claimed by dishing out a good verbal ass woopin, I slowly began talking about other situations between other people.I had way too many conversations with too many people and one of those people who started a conversation with me about some other people got me pissed off just enough that i said some things I shouldn't of said and some good people's feelings got hurt. That small little change in my attitude(Me and the bully , which was a good thing if you think about it because who doesn't believe in standing up for yourself) That little switch of perspective was a loss of spiritual truth for me. I stopped looking to my savior and started looking at my short comings, my tiredness, my nerves, my stresses.
I have been beating myself up lately over how badly I messed up. I can go into mad details of how something so small like a little gossip could weigh so heavy on the shoulders of a believer but I think we all know gossip never ends well. I am sorry Lord. Last few weekends I have been catching on line services of church from my home church FLC. I have been worshiping and praising even though on the inside I feel so worthless.
This morning I woke up fresh. Church on line last night was amazing.I went to church believing for a true encounter with the Lord. <3 He never fails to amaze me. I woke up this morning and it was the most beautiful morning ever. I sat out in the morning air drinking my coffee and didn't even realize the Lord was going to speak to me in such a way I can love myself and understand who I am in deeper way and no longer have to feel bad about my mistakes but value it because the conversation we are having is worth every bit of trial.
Every morning I get up and do something around the house. I don't have a routine of house work. I just kind wonder around and tackle whatever I feel led to you or irritated by. Sometimes it in the kitchen and other times its cleaning the rooms. What ever it is I do , I always doing something. So this morning I cleaned my windows . Opened up the blinds and pushed back curtains. I opened up and let the sun in. I was admiring how beautiful the windows are and didn't even seem to care about the dishes laying all over or the laundry piling up in the bathrooms. The House isn't that clean but the joy of these windows is so great. Lord tell me..
For me my physical and spiritual truths are like this
Cleaning windows and opening up = Fresh aligning of my perspective to my Savior. I am rearranging my thoughts and my beliefs to that of what my Lord is saying about me and others. Acting as if the word of my lord is my one and only truth.
When I am upset at the dirtiness of the floors in my house, madly sweeping and complaining about the filth = I am looking inward. I am focused on the junk of my own failures. I am beating myself up for the filth that is just lying around being noticed and felt when walked upon it.
Dishes, when I am frantically collecting everyone's dishes and washing them = I am focused on the short comings of others. I am looking at the little things they do and leave in my way and it just gross and I would want to impose my request upon them to please clean that up.
Food = When I want to just love on people because I am feeling good and walking in the knowledge of The Lord's favor in my life.. I cook them food. I cook alot of food for as many ppl who want to eat. I create love on a plate.
Laundry, when I am feeling overwhelmed by laundry and complaining and hating the laundry = This is usually because I am struggling with the needs of others. I have not maintained a balance between serving and personal feeding. I am out weighed and need to take a moment .
Lord I would of never thought of my daily stuff this way. I always thought my way of tackling the work here at home was nothing of value. ,, but now I can look at my current human feelings and truths to cut straight to the heart issue that can make that feeling align up with my Lord. I can cut to the chase and get some perspective. I am not sure if this type of writing really does anything but I do know that the conversation I am having with the lord is real and it is awesome because i love being able to write or type the words " I think I might be kinda cool. I really like who I am. " I have had so many struggles and if he can do for me what he has done , then he can do for you more than you could ever imagine. The Lord Jesus Christ is truly our Savior but He is our friend.
What Ever it is .. Don't give up Jesus. Let him in. He has a way of speaking.
I have always been an investigator and believer of the connections between physical realities and spiritual ones being one in the same in every possible way. I look for them. I search for them. I do it in my life and in others. This truth is never been proven wrong in my experience. The Lord has used this in my life in great lengths and this morning he has once again marveled me. It is a great thing to begin to know yourself. For so many years I knew my habits and my addictions and I allowed them to define me, but that wasn't knowing myself. I am beginning to realize who Julie is and in fact I do love her. I love me. I am created by the one who is worthy and He calls me his. He will help me in the process of knowing who I am so that I can follow him always . He is My Savior.
About 8 months ago I got a job for the first time in 8 years. I loved it. I wanted to be there so genuinely. I was Blessed to be able to take on this part time job as a Hostess at a steak house. I was determined to be the light. To shine for Christ. To be happy and motivated . To help and serve others as much as I could for the 20 hours I was there. It was great. Months passed and settled into a routine. After being picked on by a bully a few times and then the stress of a 40 hour a week I burst out into the old Jewels just long enough to let this bully know I am tired, and I am done with you talking to me this way ! It felt good to slightly go into a rage letting it out upon the one who made it worse for me. After I successfully won the respect of my bully I started to get caught up in the rumor mill that was spinning 247 at my job. I never really was apart of it before I snapped on that bully. Afterwards I had so many conversations about the victory myself pride claimed by dishing out a good verbal ass woopin, I slowly began talking about other situations between other people.I had way too many conversations with too many people and one of those people who started a conversation with me about some other people got me pissed off just enough that i said some things I shouldn't of said and some good people's feelings got hurt. That small little change in my attitude(Me and the bully , which was a good thing if you think about it because who doesn't believe in standing up for yourself) That little switch of perspective was a loss of spiritual truth for me. I stopped looking to my savior and started looking at my short comings, my tiredness, my nerves, my stresses.
I have been beating myself up lately over how badly I messed up. I can go into mad details of how something so small like a little gossip could weigh so heavy on the shoulders of a believer but I think we all know gossip never ends well. I am sorry Lord. Last few weekends I have been catching on line services of church from my home church FLC. I have been worshiping and praising even though on the inside I feel so worthless.
This morning I woke up fresh. Church on line last night was amazing.I went to church believing for a true encounter with the Lord. <3 He never fails to amaze me. I woke up this morning and it was the most beautiful morning ever. I sat out in the morning air drinking my coffee and didn't even realize the Lord was going to speak to me in such a way I can love myself and understand who I am in deeper way and no longer have to feel bad about my mistakes but value it because the conversation we are having is worth every bit of trial.
Every morning I get up and do something around the house. I don't have a routine of house work. I just kind wonder around and tackle whatever I feel led to you or irritated by. Sometimes it in the kitchen and other times its cleaning the rooms. What ever it is I do , I always doing something. So this morning I cleaned my windows . Opened up the blinds and pushed back curtains. I opened up and let the sun in. I was admiring how beautiful the windows are and didn't even seem to care about the dishes laying all over or the laundry piling up in the bathrooms. The House isn't that clean but the joy of these windows is so great. Lord tell me..
Cleaning windows and opening up = Fresh aligning of my perspective to my Savior. I am rearranging my thoughts and my beliefs to that of what my Lord is saying about me and others. Acting as if the word of my lord is my one and only truth.
When I am upset at the dirtiness of the floors in my house, madly sweeping and complaining about the filth = I am looking inward. I am focused on the junk of my own failures. I am beating myself up for the filth that is just lying around being noticed and felt when walked upon it.
Dishes, when I am frantically collecting everyone's dishes and washing them = I am focused on the short comings of others. I am looking at the little things they do and leave in my way and it just gross and I would want to impose my request upon them to please clean that up.
Food = When I want to just love on people because I am feeling good and walking in the knowledge of The Lord's favor in my life.. I cook them food. I cook alot of food for as many ppl who want to eat. I create love on a plate.
Laundry, when I am feeling overwhelmed by laundry and complaining and hating the laundry = This is usually because I am struggling with the needs of others. I have not maintained a balance between serving and personal feeding. I am out weighed and need to take a moment .
Wow.
Lord I would of never thought of my daily stuff this way. I always thought my way of tackling the work here at home was nothing of value. ,, but now I can look at my current human feelings and truths to cut straight to the heart issue that can make that feeling align up with my Lord. I can cut to the chase and get some perspective. I am not sure if this type of writing really does anything but I do know that the conversation I am having with the lord is real and it is awesome because i love being able to write or type the words " I think I might be kinda cool. I really like who I am. " I have had so many struggles and if he can do for me what he has done , then he can do for you more than you could ever imagine. The Lord Jesus Christ is truly our Savior but He is our friend.
What Ever it is .. Don't give up Jesus. Let him in. He has a way of speaking.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
Why Do We Criticize ?
First and foremost I would like to express this is not my attempt to smear anyone's image especially that of my Grandmother who recently passed. I love my life and all who are in it. She was in my life. For years I resented her because she was so critical of me. She would say things that were embarrassing and do it in front of other people. She would speak of me as an uneducated looser because I didn't go to college. She spoke badly at my decision to have bi racial children and the choices i had made alone my journey. None of it ever helped. All of it made it worse and it pushed me away from my family. I wanted nothing to do with her. She was mean and I couldn't take it anymore.
As she grew older she learned how to put away some of the insults but never the less she always followed through with getting one jab in or maybe two , She was a critic of habit. It was always the same thing, my weight, my education, and my choices. After that wasn't much left of me to criticize. I had grown older and was better at blocking the insults but it still was not what I had wished it to be.
As she grew older she became old and frail. She was shrinking into nothing but yet her mental presence was so strong. The last time we spoke she was so kind to me. She told me how often she thinks of me and how she loves me so. She played the harmonica for me and it was the sweetest sound ever. She didn't criticize me not one time. In all those years she had the biggest impact on me in this one final moment where she lay the criticizing down and just loved me. She put such a tug on my heart that when she finally did go just a few weeks later I was sad., I felt a weight as if she had never been who she really was in my life. One short moment of unconditional love made up for a lifetime of criticizing.
Why do it ??> Why do we criticize those we love ?? Is that we are just thinking out loud and all of our opinions of others find it their duty to be known ?? We limit our influence greatly when we criticize. You say your trying to help, well that is a bunch of crap. Criticizing is not helping. Fortunately for my Grandmother she was given the time to remove the bad with the good but not everyone gets that chance. Maybe this is the good that can come out of the bad in this story ... that one of you who reads this and realizes they have been to critical of a loved one. Don't send that temptation is reverse and begin to criticize yourself for being critical of others.. Just recognize and make some adjustments and keep it moving. I love my Grandmother and I am thankful that she taught me valuable lesson. I don't want to push the people I love away from me. I want people to feel loved by me. I want to create memories of value in the lives of others. I want to be as gentle as I can.
As she grew older she learned how to put away some of the insults but never the less she always followed through with getting one jab in or maybe two , She was a critic of habit. It was always the same thing, my weight, my education, and my choices. After that wasn't much left of me to criticize. I had grown older and was better at blocking the insults but it still was not what I had wished it to be.
As she grew older she became old and frail. She was shrinking into nothing but yet her mental presence was so strong. The last time we spoke she was so kind to me. She told me how often she thinks of me and how she loves me so. She played the harmonica for me and it was the sweetest sound ever. She didn't criticize me not one time. In all those years she had the biggest impact on me in this one final moment where she lay the criticizing down and just loved me. She put such a tug on my heart that when she finally did go just a few weeks later I was sad., I felt a weight as if she had never been who she really was in my life. One short moment of unconditional love made up for a lifetime of criticizing.
Why do it ??> Why do we criticize those we love ?? Is that we are just thinking out loud and all of our opinions of others find it their duty to be known ?? We limit our influence greatly when we criticize. You say your trying to help, well that is a bunch of crap. Criticizing is not helping. Fortunately for my Grandmother she was given the time to remove the bad with the good but not everyone gets that chance. Maybe this is the good that can come out of the bad in this story ... that one of you who reads this and realizes they have been to critical of a loved one. Don't send that temptation is reverse and begin to criticize yourself for being critical of others.. Just recognize and make some adjustments and keep it moving. I love my Grandmother and I am thankful that she taught me valuable lesson. I don't want to push the people I love away from me. I want people to feel loved by me. I want to create memories of value in the lives of others. I want to be as gentle as I can.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
What , No Applause?
Living with the desire to be an inspiration does not give you a place on the stage you can view the audience. We must realize our goal is not to send them away talking and ranting about our talent,our goal is to send them away thinking and considering and growing. An applause is not always the biggest reward, it's just the one we think should show up first. It's okay to have felt this way, we are human. Basic humanity will present itself in all people , don't be ashamed or embarrassed. Recognize and keep it moving. We understand as we write in vulnerability and rawness and even with profanity we are baring our personal emotions and truths in hopes that we can help others and in the process help ourselves because it's upon the people whom understand our writing that we find reward. We must make a choice. If we are going to do this ~ If we are going to write and blog and use it as our kingdom given gift then we make the choice to never stay in the place of looking for our audience. We do what we do for an audience of 1 ! His name is Lord. Don't let the flesh play a trick on you. W ether or not people are commenting and or talking doesn't mean your not getting people to spend time quietly thinking about the things you wrote about. Isn't that a bigger reward ?? Stay motivated. These words I didn't write for you , I wrote them to myself in my head when I first created Writers Lounge. I had too, I was so full of fear I would invite all these folks over and they would leave laughing at me, talking about my ghetto talk ,, my improper English and why i sound black. I hate that by the way. Oh well anyways.. we write because we know God is in our everything. All up in it. He is 100% in my life in every part. When i spend time writing about my life good or bad i know that after a collection has been made and one is to look back and read the words .. I expect to see one thing.. Not a great story written by me .. But God's Glory Given to me and how it carried me through my life.
If your feeling down and out about yourself let me encourage you !! Unless God has said somewhere or wrote you a note somewhere saying he doesn't love you anymore then nothing has changed to the promises that got you excited in the beginning. Time is not of the concern on the lords part. He knows and he has set aside for you the time on the mountain top just as he has set aside for the character building valleys. I have seen so many valleys in my life but it doesn't compare to the favor that has been found upon me. If your putting yourself out there for the greater good of the kingdom, oh the victory you are gathering is greater than your mind can even fathom. When doubt is finally defeated and your mind is clear to receive , the story will start coming together and the ends will meet and be tied. The harvest will be abundant and the gifts are great in the amount given to others. It will over flow. Enjoy your valleys because you know He will show up and it will be obvious who He is. He is great at capturing the spot light. Live free and have the courage to love yourself because he made all things beautiful <3 And how ever you share yourself , through writing or talking, speaking, dancing, giving.. do it.. Do more of it. Do it and love it. do it and know you are in good company of all sorts of people whom are doing it and wanna see you make it !!!
If your feeling down and out about yourself let me encourage you !! Unless God has said somewhere or wrote you a note somewhere saying he doesn't love you anymore then nothing has changed to the promises that got you excited in the beginning. Time is not of the concern on the lords part. He knows and he has set aside for you the time on the mountain top just as he has set aside for the character building valleys. I have seen so many valleys in my life but it doesn't compare to the favor that has been found upon me. If your putting yourself out there for the greater good of the kingdom, oh the victory you are gathering is greater than your mind can even fathom. When doubt is finally defeated and your mind is clear to receive , the story will start coming together and the ends will meet and be tied. The harvest will be abundant and the gifts are great in the amount given to others. It will over flow. Enjoy your valleys because you know He will show up and it will be obvious who He is. He is great at capturing the spot light. Live free and have the courage to love yourself because he made all things beautiful <3 And how ever you share yourself , through writing or talking, speaking, dancing, giving.. do it.. Do more of it. Do it and love it. do it and know you are in good company of all sorts of people whom are doing it and wanna see you make it !!!
Thursday, February 19, 2015
I have Good News!
Yes I know I am always in Cheer Leader Mode ! lol I am energized for the Goodness of God. His Mercy and Grace Motivate me !! How can I not be in cheer leader mode ? His Love has saved my life more than a couple of times. My encouragement comes the form of don't underestimate yourself. God can use you in the greatest ways. We may only feel as if our world is so dysfunctional and never ending story of bad stuff and hard times. One of the greatest things I ever learned is that feelings aren't always truth. Who you are is a child of the mOst High. The Son of God ,Jesus, calls us friend. He makes us right with God. WE are no longer chained to death. Your day is filled with moments of simple things that God is using in big ways in someone's life. That small little thing that you did or wanna do is going to represent the realness of God in someone's life. God will show up in your ways and you will see His presence and you will be floored. yOu will develop this signature language between just the two of you !!!!! We must let go of selfishness. I once a girl who dwelled in condemnation. I would mess up and then spend days punishing myself in my own thoughts to the point I had anxiety. Then I realized I was being selfish. I never associated selfish with bad thought life. For me this was true. Learning to focus on others has helped me heal my thought life. I know I still mess up sometimes and somedays are not good days but over all I have over come the temptation to hate myself. I think it is a temptation to beat ourselves up. Inwardly focused we are not available to be used in mighty ways. Please don't underestimate our Lord and think that He can't use you in a mighty way. He can and He will. Let go and let people in. Doesn't matter how long or what words are being shared , the thing that makes wearing kindness as a perspective is that Jesus will begin to show up and reveal himself. You will get sprung and fall in love and lay up at night with your eyes twinkling in wonderment of who He Is!! The Lover of YOur Soul.
The biggest small things that have impacted my life came from a couple people from FLC. Freedom Life Church, Hampton Va.One person whom most of us know is David Abbott, he once came to a event at my home and gave us all: I am Loved "pins to wear. Little cute , round pins . That thing impacted my whole family. Right now at this moment I have about 3 of them maybe 4 pinned to special places in my home. Davids simple Act of kindness was divine in nature ! A mighty move of God in my life. God has used this to reveal himself to me. Little things are the biggest things when we are walking in relationship with Jesus. Father God has this incredible story and your in it. He is the greatest author ever known !! Don't be afraid or scared. Don't let the butterflies in your stomach stop you. Once you start taking that chance and step out in faith and impact anothers life by listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit , things will change. You will begin to long for those type of moments. YOu will get excited and geeked for how you will see your lord that day. When Jesus is living in your days not just your heart , He can do great things. Be of Cheer !! Don't think about what others will think. Think about what your Father thinks. In the beginning we all mess up but when you mess up with Him , he uses it in way that it becomes valuable because it has revealed Him. No longer a
mistake but a page in restoration ! Don't hide your heart . Don't hide who you are. Let it be seen. Let it be open and honest with your circle of influence so that Jesus may do great and mighty things in your life .
I am praying and declaring that as you read this the burning of the fire of the living water enters you and you are ignited in desire to see His face in this day.
The biggest small things that have impacted my life came from a couple people from FLC. Freedom Life Church, Hampton Va.One person whom most of us know is David Abbott, he once came to a event at my home and gave us all: I am Loved "pins to wear. Little cute , round pins . That thing impacted my whole family. Right now at this moment I have about 3 of them maybe 4 pinned to special places in my home. Davids simple Act of kindness was divine in nature ! A mighty move of God in my life. God has used this to reveal himself to me. Little things are the biggest things when we are walking in relationship with Jesus. Father God has this incredible story and your in it. He is the greatest author ever known !! Don't be afraid or scared. Don't let the butterflies in your stomach stop you. Once you start taking that chance and step out in faith and impact anothers life by listening to the prompting of the Holy Spirit , things will change. You will begin to long for those type of moments. YOu will get excited and geeked for how you will see your lord that day. When Jesus is living in your days not just your heart , He can do great things. Be of Cheer !! Don't think about what others will think. Think about what your Father thinks. In the beginning we all mess up but when you mess up with Him , he uses it in way that it becomes valuable because it has revealed Him. No longer a
I am praying and declaring that as you read this the burning of the fire of the living water enters you and you are ignited in desire to see His face in this day.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Walking Offended
A great woman of God once said to me that when we choose Jesus we loose our right to be offended. This was a concept I had never heard before. It entered my ears with a loud bang because my brain never had to decode anything like this before. I rustled with it for some time. It was always at the back of my thought pattern . As life would happen, this thought would represent itself .
I was finding myself in a weird place.( I felt like i was floating.) I had found a place that released me from the pressure of worrying about what other people think. It never was that big of a deal, what other people think. I lived my life boldly whether it was good or bad.( I live out loud. I was just created that way. )The problem would arise when all of sudden when what someone thought was a negative one. Then i would find myself in whirlwinds of negative .
So the joy of the Lord is hard to find when we allow ourselves to become offended. Granted there will be times when someone will challenge your choice and give you a lap full of temptation. Let me share a personal experience. ~ i was at church and our pastor was very popular. He has a FB page that is constantly functioning at a high level. I often times comment or like his stuff. He is an awesome pastor and his energy is very contagious. One time on a Wed. night several men from the church were standing around right in front of me as I sat there waiting for class to start. The men were speaking of pastor's most recent fb page. They brought up my comment. One of the men proceeded to say some really mean things about me , not knowing who i was or the fact that i was sitting right there listening. My instant reaction was to be offended, very offended. Then God reminded me of the seed . I had been practicing being un offended and the familiarity of it all kicked in at the perfect time as i stood up and boldly said with cheer,, oh you know that was my comment.Needless to say the look on the man's face is something i will never forget. Hopefully he has learned that it is probably best not to rip people apart for things they see on fb because , well you know.
It is power to be able to over look people's flaws. As human's we focus on each other way too much. On so many levels we try to categorize and define one another. We wear pride as our armor and judge those who lay pride down. We criticize those who are up doing and trying because we secretly want to be them. We place judgment on those who live outside the boundaries of what we find acceptable. We get offended at the culture of the people who flock to our country. We get offended by the beliefs of some when it comes to morals. The list can go on and on of the things we as people get offended over. Once you can be honest about who you are it is easy to let go of the judgment against others for who they are. We all have struggles. We all fall short.
Victory is more than just accomplishments. Sometimes your trophy is not presented to you on a stage in front of your peers. Sometimes your trophy can be your ability to lay down at night with a peaceful mind, body and soul. Your trophy is your ability to sleep, good sleep. Walking offended will mess up your sleep.
As kingdom builders walking offended cancels your promise to do the impossible. It will literally stop you in your tracks. The poison of it all will spew over into everything. It is deadly to the kingdom and honored in politics. The world creates laws to accommodate the offended.
It is power to look at someone and listen to their comments that naturally would have offended you, and think " this ain't about me , this is about them and where they are with the Lord".
Until we finally 100% stand in agreement with who Jesus says we are , these are just words.. but when the revelation comes these words will be like finding riches.
Walking offended is processed life, like processed meat. Choosing Jesus and laying down your choice to be offended is organic and brings life.
I was finding myself in a weird place.( I felt like i was floating.) I had found a place that released me from the pressure of worrying about what other people think. It never was that big of a deal, what other people think. I lived my life boldly whether it was good or bad.( I live out loud. I was just created that way. )The problem would arise when all of sudden when what someone thought was a negative one. Then i would find myself in whirlwinds of negative .
So the joy of the Lord is hard to find when we allow ourselves to become offended. Granted there will be times when someone will challenge your choice and give you a lap full of temptation. Let me share a personal experience. ~ i was at church and our pastor was very popular. He has a FB page that is constantly functioning at a high level. I often times comment or like his stuff. He is an awesome pastor and his energy is very contagious. One time on a Wed. night several men from the church were standing around right in front of me as I sat there waiting for class to start. The men were speaking of pastor's most recent fb page. They brought up my comment. One of the men proceeded to say some really mean things about me , not knowing who i was or the fact that i was sitting right there listening. My instant reaction was to be offended, very offended. Then God reminded me of the seed . I had been practicing being un offended and the familiarity of it all kicked in at the perfect time as i stood up and boldly said with cheer,, oh you know that was my comment.Needless to say the look on the man's face is something i will never forget. Hopefully he has learned that it is probably best not to rip people apart for things they see on fb because , well you know.
It is power to be able to over look people's flaws. As human's we focus on each other way too much. On so many levels we try to categorize and define one another. We wear pride as our armor and judge those who lay pride down. We criticize those who are up doing and trying because we secretly want to be them. We place judgment on those who live outside the boundaries of what we find acceptable. We get offended at the culture of the people who flock to our country. We get offended by the beliefs of some when it comes to morals. The list can go on and on of the things we as people get offended over. Once you can be honest about who you are it is easy to let go of the judgment against others for who they are. We all have struggles. We all fall short.
Victory is more than just accomplishments. Sometimes your trophy is not presented to you on a stage in front of your peers. Sometimes your trophy can be your ability to lay down at night with a peaceful mind, body and soul. Your trophy is your ability to sleep, good sleep. Walking offended will mess up your sleep.
As kingdom builders walking offended cancels your promise to do the impossible. It will literally stop you in your tracks. The poison of it all will spew over into everything. It is deadly to the kingdom and honored in politics. The world creates laws to accommodate the offended.
It is power to look at someone and listen to their comments that naturally would have offended you, and think " this ain't about me , this is about them and where they are with the Lord".
Until we finally 100% stand in agreement with who Jesus says we are , these are just words.. but when the revelation comes these words will be like finding riches.
Walking offended is processed life, like processed meat. Choosing Jesus and laying down your choice to be offended is organic and brings life.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
A Woman Is...
My favorite thing about Jesus is how he addresses the women he is speaking too as woman. In my heart I receive that as if he is acknowledging his creation before our individuality and to me that is fascinating because he only does it to women . Our ability to reach beyond ourselves is equal in the fact that naturally it represents itself as giving birth to a baby. It is identical in all ways when it comes to level of giving oneself , whether it is familiar or not. This is the dna of a woman.
It is not an easy thing to wake up one day and realize that this day is not about you. From the moment you wake up and until you lay down things are about people in your life, in your world. I strive for it. I must give of myself to honor and show appreciation for what the Lord has given me. So little by little I commit , I give, I give , I give. That extra little step all day long for my immediate family , husband and kids. Outside family I am trying to establish good memories. Friends, I love them honestly. Strangers are the ones I am probably most nice too because I only have a moment to deposit into their life what is overflowing at the moment of our divine conception.
Sometimes I get mad. I get so tired. The same routine over and over again. Nothing stimulating in my immediate environment because instead of those whom I try to minister to the most through love and dedication are not interacting with me.. they are living suitably and easily because I have done their work. I have become a car in the drive way instead of a woman in their day. I get frustrated. I want to quit. I say alot of bad words and sometimes find myself stealing a candy bar. The rebellion over comes me and I lash out. I don't want to be used!
My Jesus tank is empty. If I have ever needed a moment of worship , it is now. Woman , is how I by faith, choose to see myself. I imagine in my head my Jesus asking "Woman, are you of little faith ?" and I say " No , I am not my Lord. "
These moments of realizing it is not about me first send me into a rage and the outcome of the rage is my acknowledgment (me screaming it from every point of view I have) Jesus I need you. I am empty . Fill me again of your Spirit. Let the river flow . Flow to me My lord. Without you I will go mad in routines of constant giving. I must be in your mix to be digested so intensely. I love to be overflowing but without your presence I am empty. You inhabit it the praises of your people. My heart wants to praise you and worship you. To come into a place where my tears can flow and no one has to pay a price for it. I need not to lash out.. I need to lift hands ! My Lord , My Lord.. I am her. Woman. I can give beyond more than received because I don't need them. I need you. Jesus , bring me to my knees .
I have found a church that I am ready to call my own. Freedom life had us spoiled with the Saturday night services. The church likes starts at 9;30 on a Sunday. Tony and Jade are not morning people but yes they will be this Sunday.. Lol.
This was a random moment of expression because honestly this is a personal record of an intimate moment in a woman's life. Read it and hear more than a story. Hear a heart .
It is not an easy thing to wake up one day and realize that this day is not about you. From the moment you wake up and until you lay down things are about people in your life, in your world. I strive for it. I must give of myself to honor and show appreciation for what the Lord has given me. So little by little I commit , I give, I give , I give. That extra little step all day long for my immediate family , husband and kids. Outside family I am trying to establish good memories. Friends, I love them honestly. Strangers are the ones I am probably most nice too because I only have a moment to deposit into their life what is overflowing at the moment of our divine conception.
Sometimes I get mad. I get so tired. The same routine over and over again. Nothing stimulating in my immediate environment because instead of those whom I try to minister to the most through love and dedication are not interacting with me.. they are living suitably and easily because I have done their work. I have become a car in the drive way instead of a woman in their day. I get frustrated. I want to quit. I say alot of bad words and sometimes find myself stealing a candy bar. The rebellion over comes me and I lash out. I don't want to be used!
My Jesus tank is empty. If I have ever needed a moment of worship , it is now. Woman , is how I by faith, choose to see myself. I imagine in my head my Jesus asking "Woman, are you of little faith ?" and I say " No , I am not my Lord. "
These moments of realizing it is not about me first send me into a rage and the outcome of the rage is my acknowledgment (me screaming it from every point of view I have) Jesus I need you. I am empty . Fill me again of your Spirit. Let the river flow . Flow to me My lord. Without you I will go mad in routines of constant giving. I must be in your mix to be digested so intensely. I love to be overflowing but without your presence I am empty. You inhabit it the praises of your people. My heart wants to praise you and worship you. To come into a place where my tears can flow and no one has to pay a price for it. I need not to lash out.. I need to lift hands ! My Lord , My Lord.. I am her. Woman. I can give beyond more than received because I don't need them. I need you. Jesus , bring me to my knees .
I have found a church that I am ready to call my own. Freedom life had us spoiled with the Saturday night services. The church likes starts at 9;30 on a Sunday. Tony and Jade are not morning people but yes they will be this Sunday.. Lol.
This was a random moment of expression because honestly this is a personal record of an intimate moment in a woman's life. Read it and hear more than a story. Hear a heart .
Thursday, November 20, 2014
I Walked And Found A Tree
When the trees are without their leaves it makes me think of me ~
Branches reaching high to the sky but not really knowing why
The trunk of their foundation has given the dna to grow
did the branches ever wonder why the trunk stop talking at go
Was the trunk supposed to help the branches find their way
or is it we have babies and then let them be on their way without a word to say
The trees changed in a season and now they are full of many reasons
The leaves gather and remain , creating joyful noise that keeps a reign
So much love now, does the empty branch even still care
The past of empty trees was like the past of a victim me
But now, now there are so many leaves
The grace of God has embraced me
like the leaves have the branch
The world has been altered by my very own eyes
i am finding beauty in things once despised
The little dog barks and runs after me
but i feel no flee in me
I am not scared or upset by it's bark
with it's brave little heart
People are the same,
I don't care if you speak my name
You can't hurt me even though you throw your words
My reputation is that of a big girls
I am redeemed and value the call
What now is left for the branch to experience
It has become a routine , the same in and out
with and without
leaves and green
is it over or did it fall
Higher and higher they reach for Him
In all directions the branch goes up and up to the sky
Is that Glory of the branches story
The bareness and the cold
the spring and its life's load
the fall when it does just that
*SNAP* Here we go right back ~
I was bare, yes and very alone
rawness eating at my bone
almost cracking isn't the fame
Redemption after hearing his Name
where it all began to change
and my seasons began their gain
the glory in my story
I keep reaching higher and closer to my God
and He is there being the trunk to my branches
His DNA showing me my way
In life you can find yourself in the things you do
I walked in nature and found myself in a tree
This tree has become me and I it
Never again to be alone
All I need is some land to roam
I will be within my place
Where God is filling the entire space
I Walked and Found a Tree.
Branches reaching high to the sky but not really knowing why
The trunk of their foundation has given the dna to grow
did the branches ever wonder why the trunk stop talking at go
Was the trunk supposed to help the branches find their way
or is it we have babies and then let them be on their way without a word to say
The trees changed in a season and now they are full of many reasons
The leaves gather and remain , creating joyful noise that keeps a reign
So much love now, does the empty branch even still care
The past of empty trees was like the past of a victim me
But now, now there are so many leaves
The grace of God has embraced me
like the leaves have the branch
The world has been altered by my very own eyes
i am finding beauty in things once despised
The little dog barks and runs after me
but i feel no flee in me
I am not scared or upset by it's bark
with it's brave little heart
People are the same,
I don't care if you speak my name
You can't hurt me even though you throw your words
My reputation is that of a big girls
I am redeemed and value the call
What now is left for the branch to experience
It has become a routine , the same in and out
with and without
leaves and green
is it over or did it fall
Higher and higher they reach for Him
In all directions the branch goes up and up to the sky
Is that Glory of the branches story
The bareness and the cold
the spring and its life's load
the fall when it does just that
*SNAP* Here we go right back ~
I was bare, yes and very alone
rawness eating at my bone
almost cracking isn't the fame
Redemption after hearing his Name
where it all began to change
and my seasons began their gain
the glory in my story
I keep reaching higher and closer to my God
and He is there being the trunk to my branches
His DNA showing me my way
In life you can find yourself in the things you do
I walked in nature and found myself in a tree
This tree has become me and I it
Never again to be alone
All I need is some land to roam
I will be within my place
Where God is filling the entire space
I Walked and Found a Tree.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
The Worst Choice Ever Made
The ultimate question for all humanity to face is if there is a God . Who is he , what does he want? What is going to happen to us ? Are you going to die and just be gone or is eternity a place of life and consciousness? I answered those questions in my own life through my faith in Jesus Christ. I believe in what Jesus says. It is not hard to see the evidence in my life that God has embraced me. I chose all the wrong things growing up. I suffered many traumas and life altering experiences at an early age. It seemed as though it was one thing after another. Text book behavior of someone lost, afraid, alone, and confused. My worst enemy at that time in my life was my age. My young years worked against me only because I didn't have the mature support of an adult. I was a heavy drug user for 20 years. I was a criminal on purpose. Yet here I am today transformed and still moving forward in my life. But it is the God in my story that makes it easy to recognize who he is. I didn't do anything to deserve all of my second chances except get so tired of me that I gave it all up to him. All I did was give up on the world and run to Jesus. That moment was my beginning. Since then I my life has been re purposed and redeemed. Transformed and renewed.I can only praise and testify to His Goodness because surely I am living in it.
I have a man in my life that is a distant lover from my past. He is someone special to me even though we have not been a couple for over 20 years. He knew me in those young ripe years of total chaos. He was handsome and had it all together. He was a sharp dresser and kept his car clean and always smelling good. He was cute and had alot of money. Woman flocked to him because he seemed to have it all. He rejected my love back then and threw me away because he was a dealer and I was a user. Guess the two don't mix. Years went by and I always kept in touch with him. Our friendship never really died. We stayed in touch and when I became a Christian I started posting on FB about my faith, He reached out to me and we shared many in depth conversations about God and Heaven and Hell. He laughed at me and said that I was being foolish to believe everything the bible and the church teach. He regarded to my FB post as something I should be embarrassed about. I in return considered him to be the foolish one. As time has passed I recently found out that he has had a mental break down. He has lost his mind in the sense that He is suffering sever paranoia , sleep deprivation , and hallucinations. Now he has never been one to use drugs and this is still true. He has taken on belief in aliens living among us and now he is being sniffed by them through people's eyes. I can't express how much my heart broke for him. I ached in my soul for many days whens i just started to pray for him. I feel as if his down fall is the exact same type of evidence I have in my story. The choice to reject Jesus and his gospel was the worst choice that he ever made. It cost him his mind. I believe in all my heart and soul that if he would of accepted Grace he wouldn't have to fight the temptation to loose his mind alone. He would have the power of scripture to back him up. Our worst consequences don't always come from what we choose, sometimes it comes from what we neglect to choose. As Christians we can see the suffering of those whom run from the Truth. We should be the softest place for a sinner to land if we truly believe in what we say. I have been forgiven of so much that I feel like a jerk for trying to throw my judgment on someone else. I want to embrace those whom suffer. Why do we choose to hate them instead of embracing them. When it is obvious they have made the worse choice ever , shouldn't their suffering be the only judgment they encounter? Isn't that the only judgment in the place of being right? They cannot deny their own experience. Let your voice be still and your arms be strong. Let's love the crazy, the broken and the lost right into the Arms of Jesus.
Update on my friend. He has recently expressed a new belief that God is real. He said that when he decided to accept God being real the aliens that had been living inside of him left and he is able to sleep. I give glory to God because of prayer. He answerers prayer. Prayer is an awesome form of love.
I have a man in my life that is a distant lover from my past. He is someone special to me even though we have not been a couple for over 20 years. He knew me in those young ripe years of total chaos. He was handsome and had it all together. He was a sharp dresser and kept his car clean and always smelling good. He was cute and had alot of money. Woman flocked to him because he seemed to have it all. He rejected my love back then and threw me away because he was a dealer and I was a user. Guess the two don't mix. Years went by and I always kept in touch with him. Our friendship never really died. We stayed in touch and when I became a Christian I started posting on FB about my faith, He reached out to me and we shared many in depth conversations about God and Heaven and Hell. He laughed at me and said that I was being foolish to believe everything the bible and the church teach. He regarded to my FB post as something I should be embarrassed about. I in return considered him to be the foolish one. As time has passed I recently found out that he has had a mental break down. He has lost his mind in the sense that He is suffering sever paranoia , sleep deprivation , and hallucinations. Now he has never been one to use drugs and this is still true. He has taken on belief in aliens living among us and now he is being sniffed by them through people's eyes. I can't express how much my heart broke for him. I ached in my soul for many days whens i just started to pray for him. I feel as if his down fall is the exact same type of evidence I have in my story. The choice to reject Jesus and his gospel was the worst choice that he ever made. It cost him his mind. I believe in all my heart and soul that if he would of accepted Grace he wouldn't have to fight the temptation to loose his mind alone. He would have the power of scripture to back him up. Our worst consequences don't always come from what we choose, sometimes it comes from what we neglect to choose. As Christians we can see the suffering of those whom run from the Truth. We should be the softest place for a sinner to land if we truly believe in what we say. I have been forgiven of so much that I feel like a jerk for trying to throw my judgment on someone else. I want to embrace those whom suffer. Why do we choose to hate them instead of embracing them. When it is obvious they have made the worse choice ever , shouldn't their suffering be the only judgment they encounter? Isn't that the only judgment in the place of being right? They cannot deny their own experience. Let your voice be still and your arms be strong. Let's love the crazy, the broken and the lost right into the Arms of Jesus.
Update on my friend. He has recently expressed a new belief that God is real. He said that when he decided to accept God being real the aliens that had been living inside of him left and he is able to sleep. I give glory to God because of prayer. He answerers prayer. Prayer is an awesome form of love.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Her Clothes Made Me Want to Hide
I recently moved to Carlisle, PA. We moved into a town home community right across the street from the War College. First thing that I noticed about my new neighborhood is that there are many cultures living in one community. Most of the people living here are temporary residents as their spouse attends the war college. I have met people from Thailand, India, Bosnia, and I have noticed we have a high number of Muslims. For me to walk to the school bus stop and witness women covered in their black dresses and head wraps was a little uncomfortable. I instantly wanted to throw out the name of Jesus in their face as if I were to punish them. I have always believed that where ever I am is where God wants me to be and that I don't end up in places by accident. I love to testify to the goodness of my Lord. He has been my night and shining armor since the days I was alone ,beaten and used. It has been a long time since those days but I will never forget what His Grace saved me from and how he has restored my life. Hearing of the persecution of Christians by the Islam's Extremist ISIS has tainted my thoughts and my actions towards these women at the same bus stop as me. I cried out to my Lord in my heart with the most honest cries ever. I am terrified of living next to people whom believe in someone other than my Lord. Jesus is the truth and the living son of God. Jesus is the only who can save. Why would you send me here Lord? Why?
Last night I curled up in my bed early evening abandoning all my duties as a Mother, thankfully my husband recognized something going on in me and stepped up to the plate and made dinner and took my daughter to her gym class. I didn't tell anyone the thoughts that were pounding inside of my head. I was simply living in a moment of great fear and confusion as I allowed my imagination to run to places that were not my reality. All I could say to myself and to Jesus is that I don't want to be here .
I woke up refreshed and found myself with a new perspective. The Lord revealed to me that my calling here is kindness and joy. As I walked my kids to the bus stop this morning I was a little shaken when the woman wearing traditional Muslim attired walked out her door and made her way towards the same bus stop. As my heart wanted to again fill up with hatred and fear the Spirit of the Living God rose up in me and I looked her way and smiled saying good morning. She was startled. She returned my smile and said good morning . As the kids left the two of us stood side by side. I allowed the joy of the Lord to be my choice of attitude and I introduced myself and shared conversation. She is a very nice woman by the name of Hooda. She has only been hear two months and has not made many friends. She spends her day alone in the home all day while her husband attends the War College on The Carlisle Barracks. She was radiant as I allowed myself to be kind and joyful almost as if she was shedding the same hatred and fear as I was. I am not sure of God's plan but I do know this, he didn't send me here to be afraid or to hate. If I am to share my testimony of his goodness I am to do so by being kind and a living example of the Joy he can place into one's heart and life. It's hard to say if Hooda and I will become good friends or not but if we do I will consider it a blessing. I look forward to the many new experiences God has in store for me here. I am not a new believer. I have been walking with the Lord for almost 10 years now and he has shown me things that are supernatural and only of Him. I will have faith as I live out my days here in this community. In Jesus Name may the light of his love shine through me.
Last night I curled up in my bed early evening abandoning all my duties as a Mother, thankfully my husband recognized something going on in me and stepped up to the plate and made dinner and took my daughter to her gym class. I didn't tell anyone the thoughts that were pounding inside of my head. I was simply living in a moment of great fear and confusion as I allowed my imagination to run to places that were not my reality. All I could say to myself and to Jesus is that I don't want to be here .
I woke up refreshed and found myself with a new perspective. The Lord revealed to me that my calling here is kindness and joy. As I walked my kids to the bus stop this morning I was a little shaken when the woman wearing traditional Muslim attired walked out her door and made her way towards the same bus stop. As my heart wanted to again fill up with hatred and fear the Spirit of the Living God rose up in me and I looked her way and smiled saying good morning. She was startled. She returned my smile and said good morning . As the kids left the two of us stood side by side. I allowed the joy of the Lord to be my choice of attitude and I introduced myself and shared conversation. She is a very nice woman by the name of Hooda. She has only been hear two months and has not made many friends. She spends her day alone in the home all day while her husband attends the War College on The Carlisle Barracks. She was radiant as I allowed myself to be kind and joyful almost as if she was shedding the same hatred and fear as I was. I am not sure of God's plan but I do know this, he didn't send me here to be afraid or to hate. If I am to share my testimony of his goodness I am to do so by being kind and a living example of the Joy he can place into one's heart and life. It's hard to say if Hooda and I will become good friends or not but if we do I will consider it a blessing. I look forward to the many new experiences God has in store for me here. I am not a new believer. I have been walking with the Lord for almost 10 years now and he has shown me things that are supernatural and only of Him. I will have faith as I live out my days here in this community. In Jesus Name may the light of his love shine through me.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Fireworks Brought Me New Perspective
I have loved living in Hampton , Va for the past 4 years. I have enjoyed the pleasure of being a season pass holder at Busch Gardens and Water Country USA. I recently cancelled my membership due to our up coming move to Carlisle, PA. Last night Jade and her friend Harmony decided to tag along to my one last trip to Busch Gardens. I love the roller coasters. The excitement of it all. I get scared every time I get on one and I am on the edge the whole time. I love it . It keeps me young.
Every summer Busch Gardens does a really big and amazing firework show. We wanted to see it. If you are on the wrong side of the park you will not be able to see the fireworks due to the very tall trees. We were on the wrong side of the park 10 mins till the start. We were walking so fast almost jogging pass people , weaving in and out of folks. We made it to the front for perfect view just in time. The display of sparkly fire in the darkened sky is so beautiful. The sounds they make are so loud. The booms and the pops of the fireworks itself is an experience. I was lost in childhood fantasy all over again looking at those beautiful shapes in the sky, until I realized one thing.
There are people somewhere in this world right now at this very moment running pass the crowd. They are not running too anything though they are running away. Right now at this moment there are people whom hear the big bags and booms but it is not because of fireworks it is because of war. How similar my story is to theirs but mine is in different realm of existence. America the Land of the Free. I was so humbled and fell deeper into appreciation for my country. I thanked Jesus for our freedom and I prayed for peace in the world. My life is not perfect. I try to always keep a fresh perspective or else I could find so many reasons to dislike it. I don't have everything I want but then again I don't even know if I know what I want. I am thankful for what I have and after last night , being ministered to by a majesty of fireworks I am with a fresh new touch of feeling blessed and highly favored. I must always allow him to show me things over and over again in a new way. I am living my life the best I know how and Jesus is my friend. I will pray for those who can't say they are living their lives because in their reality they are trying to survive their life. Pray !
Every summer Busch Gardens does a really big and amazing firework show. We wanted to see it. If you are on the wrong side of the park you will not be able to see the fireworks due to the very tall trees. We were on the wrong side of the park 10 mins till the start. We were walking so fast almost jogging pass people , weaving in and out of folks. We made it to the front for perfect view just in time. The display of sparkly fire in the darkened sky is so beautiful. The sounds they make are so loud. The booms and the pops of the fireworks itself is an experience. I was lost in childhood fantasy all over again looking at those beautiful shapes in the sky, until I realized one thing.
There are people somewhere in this world right now at this very moment running pass the crowd. They are not running too anything though they are running away. Right now at this moment there are people whom hear the big bags and booms but it is not because of fireworks it is because of war. How similar my story is to theirs but mine is in different realm of existence. America the Land of the Free. I was so humbled and fell deeper into appreciation for my country. I thanked Jesus for our freedom and I prayed for peace in the world. My life is not perfect. I try to always keep a fresh perspective or else I could find so many reasons to dislike it. I don't have everything I want but then again I don't even know if I know what I want. I am thankful for what I have and after last night , being ministered to by a majesty of fireworks I am with a fresh new touch of feeling blessed and highly favored. I must always allow him to show me things over and over again in a new way. I am living my life the best I know how and Jesus is my friend. I will pray for those who can't say they are living their lives because in their reality they are trying to survive their life. Pray !
Sunday, August 3, 2014
It's not about you.
It's not about me ? What ? Why ? I remember going through all of that ! God is good and when he brought me into His Arms through His grace I fell incredibly hard into a incredibly soft place. His love allowed me to bare bleeding wounds at the time of my true salvation. I bled for awhile. I was so full of shame the first church I came to I wrote a letter to the pastor and told him who I was and if I could get his permission to come to service. Truly God led me to that particular church because I was greeted with the Love of Jesus. I survived off of their faith for my life. The amount of love he showered on me was gracious, I deserved none of it. The way I had lived my life prior to coming home to faith was evil. I was doing bad and I was bad yet the love of God found me and brushed me off and then treated me like a beloved child . He will do that. He will kiss all scrapes and bruises. He will stop the bleeding of deep cuts. He will restore and renew you to a place of wholeness.
Life was going good. My life had been restored. I met my husband and was pregnant with my son. The ladies at church were having a get together. One of the older ladies came to me and said it was important that I come. As soon as we were all gathered eating delicious little finger foods and drinking punch a lady walked up to me and told me God had asked her to give me something. I was excited. What is it ? She handed me a book. The book is called It's Not About Me by Max Lucado . I was a little shocked.
I could feel the spirit speaking to me on the inside telling me that my wounds had been healed and I had experienced love for the first time but it was time for me to grow up a little because there is work to do. Jesus wants to work through me to touch the lives of others so that they may encounter the same process by which got me here. I can't explain what a weight was lifted when I came to terms with the knowledge that I don't live for myself , I live for others. I am focused outward where there is a pasture of people whom need the good shepherd. As we all may know God brings us to that place so that we can be effective in his kingdom. God needs us to be strong and go for it. No holding back ! We all try really hard at a lot of things. We try hard at finding love, having a tiny body , keeping up with latest fashion. It would be pleasing to the Lord if we all would try hard at letting go of ourselves and focus on Him. God is a God of perfect timing. He is in the business of always showing up just at the right time. Don't chase something that hasn't come to you. It's is not about you . Maybe what is to be is still in the ingredient stage and the time is not right. It is not about us but what can be done through us. Love is a choice. Jesus chose to love us and that wasn't even about us. Jesus loving us is about Him. His Goodness , His Gracious Love and Merciful Heart. We are his reward. He valued us as His Prize, His Bride. I am so thankful that his love is not based on me or else it might be contained to small levels of dirty sloppy chaos. His Love is so good we can feel confident that living in a place where we are not focused on ourselves is a place that is healthy and organic. Life is meant to be lived organically. Jesus is the original organic. One of the most frustrating things about a relationship that is in trouble is that one or more of the persons are looking through the glass eye of only seeing themselves. The What about me syndrome is a friendship killer, family destroyer. When we are offended it is most often because we are in that place of what about me. Let it go. You will be okay. Jesus will show up and bring to you all that is planned. It is not about us. Encourage yourselves in the wisdom that you are loved and adored. You are perfectly loved the way you are right now and it is okay to say it's not about me.
Life was going good. My life had been restored. I met my husband and was pregnant with my son. The ladies at church were having a get together. One of the older ladies came to me and said it was important that I come. As soon as we were all gathered eating delicious little finger foods and drinking punch a lady walked up to me and told me God had asked her to give me something. I was excited. What is it ? She handed me a book. The book is called It's Not About Me by Max Lucado . I was a little shocked.
I could feel the spirit speaking to me on the inside telling me that my wounds had been healed and I had experienced love for the first time but it was time for me to grow up a little because there is work to do. Jesus wants to work through me to touch the lives of others so that they may encounter the same process by which got me here. I can't explain what a weight was lifted when I came to terms with the knowledge that I don't live for myself , I live for others. I am focused outward where there is a pasture of people whom need the good shepherd. As we all may know God brings us to that place so that we can be effective in his kingdom. God needs us to be strong and go for it. No holding back ! We all try really hard at a lot of things. We try hard at finding love, having a tiny body , keeping up with latest fashion. It would be pleasing to the Lord if we all would try hard at letting go of ourselves and focus on Him. God is a God of perfect timing. He is in the business of always showing up just at the right time. Don't chase something that hasn't come to you. It's is not about you . Maybe what is to be is still in the ingredient stage and the time is not right. It is not about us but what can be done through us. Love is a choice. Jesus chose to love us and that wasn't even about us. Jesus loving us is about Him. His Goodness , His Gracious Love and Merciful Heart. We are his reward. He valued us as His Prize, His Bride. I am so thankful that his love is not based on me or else it might be contained to small levels of dirty sloppy chaos. His Love is so good we can feel confident that living in a place where we are not focused on ourselves is a place that is healthy and organic. Life is meant to be lived organically. Jesus is the original organic. One of the most frustrating things about a relationship that is in trouble is that one or more of the persons are looking through the glass eye of only seeing themselves. The What about me syndrome is a friendship killer, family destroyer. When we are offended it is most often because we are in that place of what about me. Let it go. You will be okay. Jesus will show up and bring to you all that is planned. It is not about us. Encourage yourselves in the wisdom that you are loved and adored. You are perfectly loved the way you are right now and it is okay to say it's not about me.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
God is ...
Time to rise
never said the sun
golden bright light is its purpose
it exists in its purpose
how i long for its warmth
time to change from my skin to my feather
never said no bug
it just took the time to build its house
how i love to see it fly
oh no i must burst forth my color
never said no flower
it just bent with the wind and released from within
the purple of the flower is my pleasure
the sounds of the ocean do no wait for an audience
they display majesty for simple perfection of design
how i am softened by the whisper of salt water
the trees so tall and very large
they didn't become that way without reason
they are alive in and out of season
the things a tree can make me feel with one touch of it's greatness
The eyes of others cannot disguise
i am deeply cut or highly healed through the contents of a living lens
the power of light doesn't shine in , its shines out
darkness is a state
in which i am no longer in
my lens are reflecting and life is at begin
come , come and raise your hand
its ok to learn but not to stand
agreement the power cord of a crowd
i still get goose bumps when this is breathing
spirit is leading not deceiving
darkness is the lie
God has called us to rise like the sun,
let the colors of your creation come through
transform like the caterpillar
worship like the ocean
stand strong and tall like the trees
let our eyes reflect the light and most of all
stand in agreement that God is ....
never said the sun
golden bright light is its purpose
it exists in its purpose
how i long for its warmth
time to change from my skin to my feather
never said no bug
it just took the time to build its house
how i love to see it fly
oh no i must burst forth my color
never said no flower
it just bent with the wind and released from within
the purple of the flower is my pleasure
the sounds of the ocean do no wait for an audience
they display majesty for simple perfection of design
how i am softened by the whisper of salt water
the trees so tall and very large
they didn't become that way without reason
they are alive in and out of season
the things a tree can make me feel with one touch of it's greatness
The eyes of others cannot disguise
i am deeply cut or highly healed through the contents of a living lens
the power of light doesn't shine in , its shines out
darkness is a state
in which i am no longer in
my lens are reflecting and life is at begin
come , come and raise your hand
its ok to learn but not to stand
agreement the power cord of a crowd
i still get goose bumps when this is breathing
spirit is leading not deceiving
darkness is the lie
God has called us to rise like the sun,
let the colors of your creation come through
transform like the caterpillar
worship like the ocean
stand strong and tall like the trees
let our eyes reflect the light and most of all
stand in agreement that God is ....
Kids Might of Out Smarted Us
My kids. Jade who is 11 and Tj who is 6. They are busting at the seams with unstoppable energy. I must nurture my body with food and sleep to keep up with these two. If I don't get a good night's sleep the next day my kids will basically torture me with non stop questions. I love them so much but sometimes my nerves can get a little whacked. I am not a perfect person in front of my kids and I use all situations in life as an opportunity to point them to Jesus. What really rocks my socks off is when Jesus uses my children to point me back to him. God has shown up in so many different ways. Every time I see something familiar he makes it new again by talking to me through it. Yes he is a very creative God.
My kids might out of smarted us adults recently and they never even realized it. When they are outside all day running around the neighborhood with the other 9 children who close by , they are turned up. I remember those days. Running wild and free. Riding bikes, climbing trees. I can chill on the couch for hours sometimes as they run in and out of the house all day. As long as my yes' are yes' I will hardly see them. Problem is when my answer is no. When my kids hear no, they start the long process of begging that turns into bugging. But why ?? What makes you say no ?? Please ? I promise ? Man oh man sometimes for me it is just easier to say yes. As soon as they get that answer yes, they are gone, out the door. Off with lightening speed to do what they requested.
How many times do we sit around and keep asking God for something he has already said yes too. Begging and bugging Him about the same thing over and over , yet His answer is yes. Kids have out smarted us because they are innocent just enough to know that yes means go , do it. As grown ups we have become comfortable with the result of the no answer. Sitting around waiting, longing, begging, complaining, crying. It has become a breeding ground for laziness. Kids are eager with energy. They are hanging on a cliff waiting for someone to say Go !
Mom can I ride my bike around the block ? Yes Jade. Instantly she is out the door on her bike . Hey I want to start a ministry one day. You want to feed homeless people ?? What are you waiting for? Pack some lunches and go find a homeless guy, and feed him. God said yes and now you should "GO"! Mom can I run in the sprinklers ? Yes Tj go for it, before I even have a chance to grab the sunscreen he is outside completely wet. Okay so you want to start a support group for porn addicts, what are you waiting for ? Invite some people over and share your story, tell them your struggle and how you confess it and you rebuke it. What are you waiting for ? Go, do it.
I am coming into a place where I find myself feeling silly for asking God to bless my day. The answer is yes and he has already said to me Go. I am so deeply involved in my relationship with Christ in my thoughts that every second of every day feels like the fast lane of yes and go and amens. If something is in my way i declare it moved , because the answer is already been given and it is yes. I have seen supernatural power in the last few weeks at an all time high. Rainy clouds disappearing, housing presenting itself, gas mileage increased. Just crazy weird miracles and it is all because i am responding to God's yes the same way my kids do for my yes'.
2 Corinthians 3
3 Are we beginning to commend ourselves again ? Or do we need like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you ? 2 You yourselves are our letter written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. 3 You show that you are a a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tables of stone but on the tables of human hearts.
4 The confidence we have through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but competences comes from God. 6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant- not of the letter but of the Spirit, for the letters kills but the Spirit gives life.
Our first responsibility to ourselves is to just admit God is on our side and sometimes our own laziness can play a trick in our thoughts and make us respond to one of God's Yes' as if it were a No. I had to admit this when it comes to my weight. I am unhappy about my physical weight. I pray and prayed for years. God's answer was already yes. Of course he wants for me a healthy body and mind and spirit and soul. He wants me to be my best. I was too lazy to acknowledge that His yes wasn't being delayed and that all I had to do was get up and move....
WE are not perfect. No one expects that from you. In this world I worship the only one who is perfect, Jesus. His plan for you is to give you Life and life abundantly. Break out of your shell. Time to expose to everyone who you are. You are a walking letter being read by everyone whether you want to be heard or not. Speak up and open up. Let the world see your heart , your mind. Tell your story so that Christ may be found by others. He is so creative , such an author. He will surprise you with just how important your role is. Unique and highly effective. I am going and getting on my bike ... I am going to jump in with two feet and rebuke my own laziness. I want you to come with me.. let's Go. Lets do this.
My kids might out of smarted us adults recently and they never even realized it. When they are outside all day running around the neighborhood with the other 9 children who close by , they are turned up. I remember those days. Running wild and free. Riding bikes, climbing trees. I can chill on the couch for hours sometimes as they run in and out of the house all day. As long as my yes' are yes' I will hardly see them. Problem is when my answer is no. When my kids hear no, they start the long process of begging that turns into bugging. But why ?? What makes you say no ?? Please ? I promise ? Man oh man sometimes for me it is just easier to say yes. As soon as they get that answer yes, they are gone, out the door. Off with lightening speed to do what they requested.
How many times do we sit around and keep asking God for something he has already said yes too. Begging and bugging Him about the same thing over and over , yet His answer is yes. Kids have out smarted us because they are innocent just enough to know that yes means go , do it. As grown ups we have become comfortable with the result of the no answer. Sitting around waiting, longing, begging, complaining, crying. It has become a breeding ground for laziness. Kids are eager with energy. They are hanging on a cliff waiting for someone to say Go !
Mom can I ride my bike around the block ? Yes Jade. Instantly she is out the door on her bike . Hey I want to start a ministry one day. You want to feed homeless people ?? What are you waiting for? Pack some lunches and go find a homeless guy, and feed him. God said yes and now you should "GO"! Mom can I run in the sprinklers ? Yes Tj go for it, before I even have a chance to grab the sunscreen he is outside completely wet. Okay so you want to start a support group for porn addicts, what are you waiting for ? Invite some people over and share your story, tell them your struggle and how you confess it and you rebuke it. What are you waiting for ? Go, do it.
I am coming into a place where I find myself feeling silly for asking God to bless my day. The answer is yes and he has already said to me Go. I am so deeply involved in my relationship with Christ in my thoughts that every second of every day feels like the fast lane of yes and go and amens. If something is in my way i declare it moved , because the answer is already been given and it is yes. I have seen supernatural power in the last few weeks at an all time high. Rainy clouds disappearing, housing presenting itself, gas mileage increased. Just crazy weird miracles and it is all because i am responding to God's yes the same way my kids do for my yes'.
2 Corinthians 3
3 Are we beginning to commend ourselves again ? Or do we need like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you ? 2 You yourselves are our letter written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. 3 You show that you are a a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tables of stone but on the tables of human hearts.
4 The confidence we have through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but competences comes from God. 6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant- not of the letter but of the Spirit, for the letters kills but the Spirit gives life.
Our first responsibility to ourselves is to just admit God is on our side and sometimes our own laziness can play a trick in our thoughts and make us respond to one of God's Yes' as if it were a No. I had to admit this when it comes to my weight. I am unhappy about my physical weight. I pray and prayed for years. God's answer was already yes. Of course he wants for me a healthy body and mind and spirit and soul. He wants me to be my best. I was too lazy to acknowledge that His yes wasn't being delayed and that all I had to do was get up and move....
WE are not perfect. No one expects that from you. In this world I worship the only one who is perfect, Jesus. His plan for you is to give you Life and life abundantly. Break out of your shell. Time to expose to everyone who you are. You are a walking letter being read by everyone whether you want to be heard or not. Speak up and open up. Let the world see your heart , your mind. Tell your story so that Christ may be found by others. He is so creative , such an author. He will surprise you with just how important your role is. Unique and highly effective. I am going and getting on my bike ... I am going to jump in with two feet and rebuke my own laziness. I want you to come with me.. let's Go. Lets do this.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
What your walking out labels you ?
Labels ? They have been at the center of arguments for ages. Labels that people place upon others, upon situations. Labels set in a pre determined thought of what to expect and what to wait for. Like many of the people in this world have come to hate labels. Do not label me, do not think you know me that well.
All that changed last night. I saw something in someone who shared their heart and my perception of labels have changed. Labels aren't that bad. They tell you what is contained, delivered and available. They tell you of warnings and cautions. Sometimes these things are helpful and needed. To recognize the fruit of someone or a situation is gift of discernment. Why not appreciate it instead of rebel against it. Of course we only rebel against it when it is revealing our own character in an unattractive light . (People, we are such a trip!!)
A man named Shawn Borelli quoted this last night "When you walk in love you become a giver". Several years ago I would taken this statement and argued it because i would immediately assume he was speaking of material items, most likely money. I once had a love for money that ran so deep that it made me deny even the truth of the word if it required me giving something away. I was delivered from the twisted fleshy disease in my bathroom while in the tub thinking I was about to have a heart attack. It took God many years to work it out of me , but thank goodness he is the type of God who does take the time to work it out without forcing us, beating us or punishing us. He is so merciful.
Last night when I heard Shawn say this I experienced it in such a new light. I no longer felt a need to defend my position over my money. I was free to hear the words without a label. I was free to identify the real label. God's label. A giver . A giver of Life. When we walk in love we become a giver , God allowed me to see the entire heavenly reality of this statement.. When we walk in love we become a giver, a giver of life. I want this label. I want God to smack that all over me , again and again. What an Honor to know that by simply walking in love and obeying what he asks, we become a giver of life. Our words, our actions, our gifts, even our money becomes bigger than just some item or some paper , it becomes the vine. It becomes living water. It becomes that seed.
Seems so simple this concept especially for me who is a seasoned believer. Yet I am experiencing it for the first time with better sight. I was not labeled by my flesh and it felt so good. It feels so good. I know I have had my heart washed and cleansed by the Savior. It still has a ways to go but Praise God that I can see my own growth and can celebrate in a deeper quieter way. I find value in my own life . This is a good thing. I am standing in agreement with my Lord that I matter . I am important. I am a giver. And because I walk in the love of Jesus , I am more than a giver of money , time, items, I am a giver of life. It is God that takes the things I am willing to give and supernaturally touches them and life on the receiving end is enhanced, encouraged, uplifted, sang over, adored, honored, and healed.
All that changed last night. I saw something in someone who shared their heart and my perception of labels have changed. Labels aren't that bad. They tell you what is contained, delivered and available. They tell you of warnings and cautions. Sometimes these things are helpful and needed. To recognize the fruit of someone or a situation is gift of discernment. Why not appreciate it instead of rebel against it. Of course we only rebel against it when it is revealing our own character in an unattractive light . (People, we are such a trip!!)
A man named Shawn Borelli quoted this last night "When you walk in love you become a giver". Several years ago I would taken this statement and argued it because i would immediately assume he was speaking of material items, most likely money. I once had a love for money that ran so deep that it made me deny even the truth of the word if it required me giving something away. I was delivered from the twisted fleshy disease in my bathroom while in the tub thinking I was about to have a heart attack. It took God many years to work it out of me , but thank goodness he is the type of God who does take the time to work it out without forcing us, beating us or punishing us. He is so merciful.
Last night when I heard Shawn say this I experienced it in such a new light. I no longer felt a need to defend my position over my money. I was free to hear the words without a label. I was free to identify the real label. God's label. A giver . A giver of Life. When we walk in love we become a giver , God allowed me to see the entire heavenly reality of this statement.. When we walk in love we become a giver, a giver of life. I want this label. I want God to smack that all over me , again and again. What an Honor to know that by simply walking in love and obeying what he asks, we become a giver of life. Our words, our actions, our gifts, even our money becomes bigger than just some item or some paper , it becomes the vine. It becomes living water. It becomes that seed.
Seems so simple this concept especially for me who is a seasoned believer. Yet I am experiencing it for the first time with better sight. I was not labeled by my flesh and it felt so good. It feels so good. I know I have had my heart washed and cleansed by the Savior. It still has a ways to go but Praise God that I can see my own growth and can celebrate in a deeper quieter way. I find value in my own life . This is a good thing. I am standing in agreement with my Lord that I matter . I am important. I am a giver. And because I walk in the love of Jesus , I am more than a giver of money , time, items, I am a giver of life. It is God that takes the things I am willing to give and supernaturally touches them and life on the receiving end is enhanced, encouraged, uplifted, sang over, adored, honored, and healed.
Friday, June 20, 2014
The Flower That Could
the cement is long and goes on and on
house after house, block after block
the cement is long and goes on and on
the smell of the lives lost lingers in the ground
the waste of the people lost, leaves smells
the tears they mourn because they cannot even cry
hopeless is after the last tear
the ones who own keys to the doors that line the cement
they unable to see the dirt that has become a home
this place is what gives him the ability to own
a place for his waste
we all have a reason to look away
that's just today
but if we look really hard at not searching~~ through looking....
breathing is an act of opening up and taking in
turn your eyes into your lungs and begin within
there are so many flowers all around
flowers that come up over night just like people in the chance
what has a more beauty a flower or a person
could it be they relate to the other's soul
one helping the other to not feel so old
what if we could be the flower that could
even though the cement is long , the flower finds a crack
it pushes up thru the smallest opportunity
to blossom it's beauty, in the length of on and on
yet its green hums and it's color sings
a different tune than the smell of the land
if a soul were to be a flower
we wouldn't count the keys of the doors that line the street
we would push pass the keys and find the heart
the original birth of the key in the door
the flower that could is sometimes weak
but with just enough time it gains strength
it never rushes itself into panic
it knows its purpose and with caution never abandons
the flower that could brings with it invite to life
never alone and rich in price
valued and adored by all who know
the miracle of a Son that allowed her to grow
the flower that could lives its entire life with a purpose
sometimes the purpose is not the celebration
the beauty of flower has encouraged
has found itself on stage
and because of its simple beauty
i shall not be afraid
but yet i shall be like it
put my feet in the dirt and take a grip
I am the flower that could
house after house, block after block
the cement is long and goes on and on
the smell of the lives lost lingers in the ground
the waste of the people lost, leaves smells
the tears they mourn because they cannot even cry
hopeless is after the last tear
the ones who own keys to the doors that line the cement
they unable to see the dirt that has become a home
this place is what gives him the ability to own
a place for his waste
we all have a reason to look away
that's just today
but if we look really hard at not searching~~ through looking....
breathing is an act of opening up and taking in
turn your eyes into your lungs and begin within
there are so many flowers all around
flowers that come up over night just like people in the chance
what has a more beauty a flower or a person
could it be they relate to the other's soul
one helping the other to not feel so old
what if we could be the flower that could
even though the cement is long , the flower finds a crack
it pushes up thru the smallest opportunity
to blossom it's beauty, in the length of on and on
yet its green hums and it's color sings
a different tune than the smell of the land
if a soul were to be a flower
we wouldn't count the keys of the doors that line the street
we would push pass the keys and find the heart
the original birth of the key in the door
the flower that could is sometimes weak
but with just enough time it gains strength
it never rushes itself into panic
it knows its purpose and with caution never abandons
the flower that could brings with it invite to life
never alone and rich in price
valued and adored by all who know
the miracle of a Son that allowed her to grow
the flower that could lives its entire life with a purpose
sometimes the purpose is not the celebration
the beauty of flower has encouraged
has found itself on stage
and because of its simple beauty
i shall not be afraid
but yet i shall be like it
put my feet in the dirt and take a grip
I am the flower that could
So Easy to Judge
Praise God ! My computer is doing well. I have missed blogging. Not sure where to start. So much has been going on that I want to run back and write about. I have been learning alot lately. It seems as if my perspective has changed once again. My life is a class room. God is using my entire reality to speak. It is so amusing. I could spend all day by myself and never feel alone. God is so ever present. He is speaking. This I know. He is speaking to His People. If you pay attention folks are hearing and speaking about HIM> Praise God.
What I will write about is my God diagnosis of judging. I am guilty. I have always had compassion for the unloved, unwanted, ugly, mean, lost people of this world. I was using this gift as my own little trophy for being a good Christian. Wow. I was only trying to wear my gift in the flesh and that right there was the complete opposite of operating in the gift. Although I do realize that the steps through that tunnel were divine as well. If we can't identify the problem we can't fix it. God has clearly identified the problem and now together we can change it. I judge people. I judged that if you were doing worse than me I would help you. If no one else would , I would. I judged the people that placed themselves above me. Maybe I was the one who placed them above me, according to money, social circles, status. Either way it was upon my judgment.
In recent events I found myself judging a couple that I know from church and my husband knows from work. I was finding myself feeling irritated by them even though they are not apart of my life. How could they expect so much for so little. They have earned none of this. They should just be grateful . Walking around irritated by the blessings they are receiving and the joy in which they celebrate ? Really , Julie? (Yes I speak. or type to myself) That is what the Spirit convicted me of. He said to me Julie, You missed it. I missed the mark. I missed the Glory of the Story. I missed my own dose of Joy in seeing an absolute undeniable act of God. It is true they are getting more than they deserve, but so am I. According to the Glory of Grace we all are. Shame on me for sacrificing the joy of the Lord so I could judge some one's joy. I compared their joy to their effort and I found them guilty ,of coming up short in the effort department. Lord forgive me. Open my eyes so that I may see. I accept the things that will come out of me will be unclean and ugly just like this was... But praise God that you have not left me this way~ So I back off the judging and suddenly I am not irritated anymore. Thank you Lord.
The amount of Spiritual growth that has taken place in my life recently has increased my value in the simple things. I am finding peace in a long day . I am not panicking about things as much. I am increasing in self control. I am lifting my heart higher than my hands as an act of worship and the first things i lifted up the Lord were my hands. I now lift both hands and heart. I am excited for the next chapter in this journey of ours as we prepare to leave for PA. I am closer than I was but yet still a long way to go. I am a work in progress.
What I will write about is my God diagnosis of judging. I am guilty. I have always had compassion for the unloved, unwanted, ugly, mean, lost people of this world. I was using this gift as my own little trophy for being a good Christian. Wow. I was only trying to wear my gift in the flesh and that right there was the complete opposite of operating in the gift. Although I do realize that the steps through that tunnel were divine as well. If we can't identify the problem we can't fix it. God has clearly identified the problem and now together we can change it. I judge people. I judged that if you were doing worse than me I would help you. If no one else would , I would. I judged the people that placed themselves above me. Maybe I was the one who placed them above me, according to money, social circles, status. Either way it was upon my judgment.
In recent events I found myself judging a couple that I know from church and my husband knows from work. I was finding myself feeling irritated by them even though they are not apart of my life. How could they expect so much for so little. They have earned none of this. They should just be grateful . Walking around irritated by the blessings they are receiving and the joy in which they celebrate ? Really , Julie? (Yes I speak. or type to myself) That is what the Spirit convicted me of. He said to me Julie, You missed it. I missed the mark. I missed the Glory of the Story. I missed my own dose of Joy in seeing an absolute undeniable act of God. It is true they are getting more than they deserve, but so am I. According to the Glory of Grace we all are. Shame on me for sacrificing the joy of the Lord so I could judge some one's joy. I compared their joy to their effort and I found them guilty ,of coming up short in the effort department. Lord forgive me. Open my eyes so that I may see. I accept the things that will come out of me will be unclean and ugly just like this was... But praise God that you have not left me this way~ So I back off the judging and suddenly I am not irritated anymore. Thank you Lord.
The amount of Spiritual growth that has taken place in my life recently has increased my value in the simple things. I am finding peace in a long day . I am not panicking about things as much. I am increasing in self control. I am lifting my heart higher than my hands as an act of worship and the first things i lifted up the Lord were my hands. I now lift both hands and heart. I am excited for the next chapter in this journey of ours as we prepare to leave for PA. I am closer than I was but yet still a long way to go. I am a work in progress.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)