The I am in me

     Recently I have been going through alot of changes regarding my spirit self. I have been encouraged and challenged by God and a few motivational peers to accept and fully love myself. This has been eye opening. I didn't realize how much I was putting myself through the ringer. I have often struggled with standing up for myself and feeling secure in who I have become through Christ. I was speaking to the Lord about this and I had a moment of revelation. 
     My first tormenting question I had in my head growing up and through most of my young life was "Who or what Am I ?" I remember as a child this thought would haunt  me because I had no idea where I came from or why I was here in this place. After I gave my heart to the Lord he starting filling in the missing pieces of that question. I was so relieved and fulfilled when this question stopped haunting me and started defining me. I am a child of the Most High. I am a daughter of the risen king. I am loved and adored by the maker of the universe. Wow! This is awesome. With some time I became more and more comfortable in my new identity. 
     Just the other day as I was speaking to the Lord , I was tempted to once again put myself down and question who I am. After negative comments made to me by family members I was so quick to abandon my place in the kingdom out of insecurities that maybe what these people are saying is true. 
     God said this to me . My name is  "I AM".  When you choose to put that what or who in front of my name you are creating a space and satan will try to fill that space with his ideas. When you say " I hate or dislike who I am" you are taking my name and stealing from it, but when you say things like " I love who I am " or " I like who I am " then you are  joining yourself to me in all it's fullness. What a sneaky enemy we have. That satan would steal away from God's authority by simply having me question who I am... I am who he says I am. Me as a person is me plus him in all his goodness. I am happy. I am well. I am loved. I am confident. I am with self control and patience. I am Julie. ( Notice that this little sentence is more than just sharing or stating my name, It is my name but first it is His Name) Thank you Lord. I shall never use your name to question anything about myself again. I praise you the Great I AM !!! And I am so thankful that when defining myself I first get to state your great name. I am ok. I am successful. I am making an impact. I am here on purpose. I Am free to be me .

God Said "Don't You Remember?"

        I once sat in a church service where a pastor said " It doesn't matter how many past encounters you have had with God, if He is not doing anything in your life now maybe you have just lost your Salvation ." This messed me up big time. In the beginning of my journey with Jesus I was experiencing super natural things. Stuff that just isn't normal. But it was real and it was all God. Everyone stepping out and responding to the voice of God and when the walls fell and we where all standing there with a story, our stories fit together like a lego house. So many people and together we build a house of testimony.
         I reject what that one pastor said that one morning. It is not true to me. God has been asking me if I remember a time back in early , early life where I found the 20 dollars ? I remember. Not only did God move greatly that day, I had total faith that day. 
          There was one weekend when I was young I went to church. This trucker shared the gospel with me. He was intrigued by me. He looked at me so excited to share Jesus with me as if he knew one day I would be on fire for Jesus. I believed him then and I still believe him now.Jesus loves me. 
             Well the first time I prayed to God something really wonderful happened. Me and my best friend went to the mall. Local hang out. We lived right across the street from the mall. I was so embarrassed because I had no money to spend. Our thing was Burger King and arcade. My best friend was becoming more popular than me the older we got. She kept getting prettier and I kept getting dorkier. Just happened that way. On that day she was kinda irritated with me because I had no money. She didn't want to share with me when we ate or went to arcade. I remember feeling really awkward and strange about the feeling I had over this. I prayed. I said God I know your real and this is something maybe i can talk to you about. I believe. And I really did believe. I remember, I was without doubt . I told him what was going on. Well as we went to Burger King , a new chocolate factory had opened up just a few doors down. They were giving away free chocolate covered strawberries. Of course we hurried up over there. Wow these things were good and free ! There was such a large crowd of folks. As the people began to leave I looked down and had noticed a twenty dollar bill on the floor . I picked up and immediately began asking people if they had lost it . No one wanted it. Everyone just kept telling me maybe i should keep it because they didn't loose it. So I stood there with a $20 and in a split second my heart dropped into stomach like I was on a roller coaster. I closed my eyes and said Hello to my Daddy. God had spoke that day to me , showed me supernatural ability. Favor and Grace . It was our first encounter and he left a experience so raw and real that he is using it today to remind me not if I remember his power but can I recall the faith of that day. And my answer to the Lord is yes , but how do I get back there ? I am challenged with fear sometimes and it tries to rob me of my faith. I cannot be in a panic attack worried about the nation, our economy, our food supplies  while believing God for all these things. It is two separate worlds. So i pray.  And the Lord says " Don't you remember Julie, without a doubt,, without a doubt !"  ..... So I push into God these past few days as our government shuts down . Pushing into him to escape the heaviness of living in fear. Perfect love cast out all fear. So I share this as a way to let it out and let it comfort another who might understand this. 

Yes !!!!

   I am with a short attention span. REally. Unless what your talking about is worth while and from the heart I am usually not interested. So, let me get to the point. I celebrate those around me. I admire people. I love spending time watching others. When alone and wondering I am focused on the life around me. I am fascinated to know that I can value you and what you have. I can value you as life itself. I appreciate your thoughts and your gifts. I want you to shine before me. I want more reasons to bow before the Master and Praise Him for his creations are all so beautiful. Do not hold back. Who you are and what your doing matter. They matter to me. I can see and I value the content of your physical reality. I want for you to shine in reflection of who I am. I am in the company of those who are MUCH !!! I am encouraged by the voice of God that echos in the essence of our existence ! Praise HIm that you are rich in character . Hallelujah that you are unique in color. I love the variety of our king. I love being me. I love seeing you. I am a voice that says yes and Amen to who you are in the king.. !!!

Confession

    I am not that good at friendship. Friendship sometimes comes with too many expectations. When we have the joy of spending time with other people that we like we get that rush of new friendship. What happens when people start assuming or putting labels on the other person because of the great feeling of friendship? What do we really owe anyone ? Being friends shouldn't define our behavior it should be a platform for an open heart. Why is that we get our feelings so easily hurt by what others say or do ? My biggest question is why do we automatically assume because we share a great friendship with someone that they should not have any other friendships besides ours? All these questions weigh heavily on me this evening. I am personally going through some challenging friendships and because of my faith in God I am trying to motivate myself to learn all that these experiences have to offer ?! I am seeing alot of things about other people but the real lesson is to learn what is it about me . I am not sure as to what some of my current friendships will bring but I would hope that if anything the people whom have been apart of my life can say that I have pointed them to Jesus instead of me. I have no answers but I know who does. Maybe friendships are not what I have allowed myself to imagine. Those besty moments might be reserved for me and Jesus. Maybe the women in my life that come and go and call me friend are just people placed in my path for reasons I may never know. I am going to keep trusting God and believe that all things will work together for the greater good. And as I continue on my journey and encounter new friendships I hope the Lord will reveal to me one day the things that are happening now. It hurts my heart a little to say I have had to pull myself away a little from someone I do care about, a friend. But what must be done in her heart is something only God can do and sometimes tuff love must be ministered. I pray and believe and hope. That is all I am capable of. I was given the label of being someone's best friend and I failed miserably at it, the kicker of it is that I never even realized I had expectations placed on me. I am a little shy now to be so bold and encounter new people after this odd experience. I need some time to sit back and take a deep breath and let God fill me again with encouragement. 

Simple Truth

 I recently was given the opportunity to return to my home town and have a month long visit. One of the things I did was hang out with my daughter who is now 20 and her fiance. I noticed that the young folks don't use belts anymore. They use shoe strings. It looked so odd to me. A shoe string tied around a young person's waist to hold up their pants . With some effort on my part I became used to seeing my future son n law with a shoe string instead of belt. To my surprise when we visited the mall prior to school starting, I noticed all the kids do this shoe string thing. They even sell the pants with the shoe strings on them. So different than when I was young. When I lived in my late teens , early twenties it was all about big chunky fashion belts. The bigger and chunkier the better. They were heavy and would bust up and poke you.

  I began to think how ironic this simple truth is compared to religion and grace. When I was young trying to find myself and find my faith I was introduced to some religion. Boy did the practice of trying to be perfect and lawful alot like wearing that big chunky belt. It was way to heavy and when I would mess up and fall short the pretty decorations of religion would begin to poke and prod me. It wasn't until now my early forties that I have been relieved of that heaviness. I am now living the simple truth of grace and just like that shoe string it does it's purpose of keeping me up. Simple Truths are just like simple belts. I praise God that the kids now a days look to using a shoe string to hold up their pants. Maybe this practice of simplicity in their lives will help prepare them for the simple act of faith in Jesus. As I pondered this thought I could feel the spirit encouraging me telling me " your revelations will help awaken a new generation from religion to relationship". What a powerful lesson a shoe string has taught me. When sharing faith keep it simple. Keep it Jesus. 

Risen steps

Wake up 

you are dead in your sleep

wake up

your words carry no meaning

wake up 

your possessions are stolen

wake up

your dreams are not above reality

wake up

you haven't discovered you yet

step up

to the plate of discovery

step up

live outside your emotions

step up 

digest more than your own thoughts

step up

do something good

lift up

your head to the sky

lift up

your spirit from the dumps

lift up

your hands to the one

rise up

 in the grace that is already yours

rise up

above the selfishness of your depression

rise up

out of hate and into light

rise up

the spirit in you raised Christ from the grave

wake up from your small minded perception

step up and love the one in the mirror

lift up your own heart to the father

rise up in his grace.

The Grace Practice~

   The grace practice, some might say "what is that"? . We practice things without intent. What ever we find ourselves repeating is something we practice at.  W ether we acknowledge that or not. As grown folks we can tell our kids the reason why we color so good, make doing dishes look so easy is because we have spent years doing it practicing over and over again. We explain this process to our kids to help them understand that one day they too will be a grown up capable of many many things. 
   The hardest thing in my life I had to learn practicing is grace. God's grace released me the moment I said yes to my Savior but still spent so many years in the struggle. Still do in fact but my struggles have changed. I am not where I used to be and that is how this grace works. Changing us into the image of Him. When I allowed myself to practice forgiving myself and receiving his grace in it's fullness something started seriously changing deep within .
      I found myself  in possession of the grace card. I had received it and now I have a big clue on how to give it. I am in a place where I can see people in all their fullness and my first reaction is not hate or judgment . There was a time in my life where that would of been impossible for me. It feels good. I am at ease. I am no longer really dealing with anxiety. I am calm. I am breathing. I am walking in his goodness. It is such a wonderful place to be in. I have been transparent about my life, my past. I have an unusual story. My story is not one full of gold medals an college parties. Yet to be able to share with the world that despite my past , my future is a total different story . My tomorrows are way bigger than my today's. I am capable and successful. I am loved by the King. He has changed my name to Redeemed. Who am I to withhold that same attitude to a fellow human being ? 
    I have always had these opinions . The difference for me is I have started  doing more  than saying. I have people in my life who push me to my limits. We may go through it at times, things get real intense  but regardless of what it was or how bad it got I find it easy to return with open hearts and a clean slate. I am not holding on to stuff anymore.I let it go. It is such an amazing gift to know that God;s grace has loved me right into over flowing . Enough grace covering my life it can overflow into the next person;s life drawing them in and covering them in goodness . God works through his goodness. God doesn't need fear to win people over for the kingdom. God's goodness is what wins the sinner. 
   If you find yourself struggling to give grace, maybe you should do your grace practice. Practice receiving it in your own life and watch yourself change into a grace giver as well.