Labels ? They have been at the center of arguments for ages. Labels that people place upon others, upon situations. Labels set in a pre determined thought of what to expect and what to wait for. Like many of the people in this world have come to hate labels. Do not label me, do not think you know me that well.
All that changed last night. I saw something in someone who shared their heart and my perception of labels have changed. Labels aren't that bad. They tell you what is contained, delivered and available. They tell you of warnings and cautions. Sometimes these things are helpful and needed. To recognize the fruit of someone or a situation is gift of discernment. Why not appreciate it instead of rebel against it. Of course we only rebel against it when it is revealing our own character in an unattractive light . (People, we are such a trip!!)
A man named Shawn Borelli quoted this last night "When you walk in love you become a giver". Several years ago I would taken this statement and argued it because i would immediately assume he was speaking of material items, most likely money. I once had a love for money that ran so deep that it made me deny even the truth of the word if it required me giving something away. I was delivered from the twisted fleshy disease in my bathroom while in the tub thinking I was about to have a heart attack. It took God many years to work it out of me , but thank goodness he is the type of God who does take the time to work it out without forcing us, beating us or punishing us. He is so merciful.
Last night when I heard Shawn say this I experienced it in such a new light. I no longer felt a need to defend my position over my money. I was free to hear the words without a label. I was free to identify the real label. God's label. A giver . A giver of Life. When we walk in love we become a giver , God allowed me to see the entire heavenly reality of this statement.. When we walk in love we become a giver, a giver of life. I want this label. I want God to smack that all over me , again and again. What an Honor to know that by simply walking in love and obeying what he asks, we become a giver of life. Our words, our actions, our gifts, even our money becomes bigger than just some item or some paper , it becomes the vine. It becomes living water. It becomes that seed.
Seems so simple this concept especially for me who is a seasoned believer. Yet I am experiencing it for the first time with better sight. I was not labeled by my flesh and it felt so good. It feels so good. I know I have had my heart washed and cleansed by the Savior. It still has a ways to go but Praise God that I can see my own growth and can celebrate in a deeper quieter way. I find value in my own life . This is a good thing. I am standing in agreement with my Lord that I matter . I am important. I am a giver. And because I walk in the love of Jesus , I am more than a giver of money , time, items, I am a giver of life. It is God that takes the things I am willing to give and supernaturally touches them and life on the receiving end is enhanced, encouraged, uplifted, sang over, adored, honored, and healed.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Friday, June 20, 2014
The Flower That Could
the cement is long and goes on and on
house after house, block after block
the cement is long and goes on and on
the smell of the lives lost lingers in the ground
the waste of the people lost, leaves smells
the tears they mourn because they cannot even cry
hopeless is after the last tear
the ones who own keys to the doors that line the cement
they unable to see the dirt that has become a home
this place is what gives him the ability to own
a place for his waste
we all have a reason to look away
that's just today
but if we look really hard at not searching~~ through looking....
breathing is an act of opening up and taking in
turn your eyes into your lungs and begin within
there are so many flowers all around
flowers that come up over night just like people in the chance
what has a more beauty a flower or a person
could it be they relate to the other's soul
one helping the other to not feel so old
what if we could be the flower that could
even though the cement is long , the flower finds a crack
it pushes up thru the smallest opportunity
to blossom it's beauty, in the length of on and on
yet its green hums and it's color sings
a different tune than the smell of the land
if a soul were to be a flower
we wouldn't count the keys of the doors that line the street
we would push pass the keys and find the heart
the original birth of the key in the door
the flower that could is sometimes weak
but with just enough time it gains strength
it never rushes itself into panic
it knows its purpose and with caution never abandons
the flower that could brings with it invite to life
never alone and rich in price
valued and adored by all who know
the miracle of a Son that allowed her to grow
the flower that could lives its entire life with a purpose
sometimes the purpose is not the celebration
the beauty of flower has encouraged
has found itself on stage
and because of its simple beauty
i shall not be afraid
but yet i shall be like it
put my feet in the dirt and take a grip
I am the flower that could
house after house, block after block
the cement is long and goes on and on
the smell of the lives lost lingers in the ground
the waste of the people lost, leaves smells
the tears they mourn because they cannot even cry
hopeless is after the last tear
the ones who own keys to the doors that line the cement
they unable to see the dirt that has become a home
this place is what gives him the ability to own
a place for his waste
we all have a reason to look away
that's just today
but if we look really hard at not searching~~ through looking....
breathing is an act of opening up and taking in
turn your eyes into your lungs and begin within
there are so many flowers all around
flowers that come up over night just like people in the chance
what has a more beauty a flower or a person
could it be they relate to the other's soul
one helping the other to not feel so old
what if we could be the flower that could
even though the cement is long , the flower finds a crack
it pushes up thru the smallest opportunity
to blossom it's beauty, in the length of on and on
yet its green hums and it's color sings
a different tune than the smell of the land
if a soul were to be a flower
we wouldn't count the keys of the doors that line the street
we would push pass the keys and find the heart
the original birth of the key in the door
the flower that could is sometimes weak
but with just enough time it gains strength
it never rushes itself into panic
it knows its purpose and with caution never abandons
the flower that could brings with it invite to life
never alone and rich in price
valued and adored by all who know
the miracle of a Son that allowed her to grow
the flower that could lives its entire life with a purpose
sometimes the purpose is not the celebration
the beauty of flower has encouraged
has found itself on stage
and because of its simple beauty
i shall not be afraid
but yet i shall be like it
put my feet in the dirt and take a grip
I am the flower that could
So Easy to Judge
Praise God ! My computer is doing well. I have missed blogging. Not sure where to start. So much has been going on that I want to run back and write about. I have been learning alot lately. It seems as if my perspective has changed once again. My life is a class room. God is using my entire reality to speak. It is so amusing. I could spend all day by myself and never feel alone. God is so ever present. He is speaking. This I know. He is speaking to His People. If you pay attention folks are hearing and speaking about HIM> Praise God.
What I will write about is my God diagnosis of judging. I am guilty. I have always had compassion for the unloved, unwanted, ugly, mean, lost people of this world. I was using this gift as my own little trophy for being a good Christian. Wow. I was only trying to wear my gift in the flesh and that right there was the complete opposite of operating in the gift. Although I do realize that the steps through that tunnel were divine as well. If we can't identify the problem we can't fix it. God has clearly identified the problem and now together we can change it. I judge people. I judged that if you were doing worse than me I would help you. If no one else would , I would. I judged the people that placed themselves above me. Maybe I was the one who placed them above me, according to money, social circles, status. Either way it was upon my judgment.
In recent events I found myself judging a couple that I know from church and my husband knows from work. I was finding myself feeling irritated by them even though they are not apart of my life. How could they expect so much for so little. They have earned none of this. They should just be grateful . Walking around irritated by the blessings they are receiving and the joy in which they celebrate ? Really , Julie? (Yes I speak. or type to myself) That is what the Spirit convicted me of. He said to me Julie, You missed it. I missed the mark. I missed the Glory of the Story. I missed my own dose of Joy in seeing an absolute undeniable act of God. It is true they are getting more than they deserve, but so am I. According to the Glory of Grace we all are. Shame on me for sacrificing the joy of the Lord so I could judge some one's joy. I compared their joy to their effort and I found them guilty ,of coming up short in the effort department. Lord forgive me. Open my eyes so that I may see. I accept the things that will come out of me will be unclean and ugly just like this was... But praise God that you have not left me this way~ So I back off the judging and suddenly I am not irritated anymore. Thank you Lord.
The amount of Spiritual growth that has taken place in my life recently has increased my value in the simple things. I am finding peace in a long day . I am not panicking about things as much. I am increasing in self control. I am lifting my heart higher than my hands as an act of worship and the first things i lifted up the Lord were my hands. I now lift both hands and heart. I am excited for the next chapter in this journey of ours as we prepare to leave for PA. I am closer than I was but yet still a long way to go. I am a work in progress.
What I will write about is my God diagnosis of judging. I am guilty. I have always had compassion for the unloved, unwanted, ugly, mean, lost people of this world. I was using this gift as my own little trophy for being a good Christian. Wow. I was only trying to wear my gift in the flesh and that right there was the complete opposite of operating in the gift. Although I do realize that the steps through that tunnel were divine as well. If we can't identify the problem we can't fix it. God has clearly identified the problem and now together we can change it. I judge people. I judged that if you were doing worse than me I would help you. If no one else would , I would. I judged the people that placed themselves above me. Maybe I was the one who placed them above me, according to money, social circles, status. Either way it was upon my judgment.
In recent events I found myself judging a couple that I know from church and my husband knows from work. I was finding myself feeling irritated by them even though they are not apart of my life. How could they expect so much for so little. They have earned none of this. They should just be grateful . Walking around irritated by the blessings they are receiving and the joy in which they celebrate ? Really , Julie? (Yes I speak. or type to myself) That is what the Spirit convicted me of. He said to me Julie, You missed it. I missed the mark. I missed the Glory of the Story. I missed my own dose of Joy in seeing an absolute undeniable act of God. It is true they are getting more than they deserve, but so am I. According to the Glory of Grace we all are. Shame on me for sacrificing the joy of the Lord so I could judge some one's joy. I compared their joy to their effort and I found them guilty ,of coming up short in the effort department. Lord forgive me. Open my eyes so that I may see. I accept the things that will come out of me will be unclean and ugly just like this was... But praise God that you have not left me this way~ So I back off the judging and suddenly I am not irritated anymore. Thank you Lord.
The amount of Spiritual growth that has taken place in my life recently has increased my value in the simple things. I am finding peace in a long day . I am not panicking about things as much. I am increasing in self control. I am lifting my heart higher than my hands as an act of worship and the first things i lifted up the Lord were my hands. I now lift both hands and heart. I am excited for the next chapter in this journey of ours as we prepare to leave for PA. I am closer than I was but yet still a long way to go. I am a work in progress.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Me finding my frame once again.
Life has changed for me. I like the changes. I am not completely perfect, but I do know that perfection happens upon completion and for me I am not yet complete. I wont be until God has called me home. I used to struggle with the concept of death but recently I have come to a place where my struggle has been more with living than dying. I want to live the loudest I can. I have been limiting myself. I am surprised at how much I deny myself because deep down inside I feel like I should be contiously punished. I totally don't understand myself . I am so loving and caring towards others but so mean to myself. This used to be my truth but no longer. I love who I have become in Christ. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am blessed. I want to once again reveal my beauty in my frame. This used to scare me. I used to find comfort in my weight. I didn't have to worry about the temptation of flesh because no one wanted me. I don't like me in the over weight view. I am so fashionable that my when my weight chooses the outfit instead of me I get angry and depressed. I am tired of hiding behind angry and depressed. I feel the beauty of God and His image of me inside,,, I want so desperately the discipline to let it shine inwardly and outwardly. 'when I was young and so attractive I was seduced by every pervert in town. I don't hold myself accountable for the encounters. I was a child who was abused and led astray without a voice of reason or wisdom in my life. I was a victim then. my youth and beauty were the line and bait for every sicko on earth.. no one told me or talked to me. Things have changed. I have been schooled by my savior. I want my beauty back so that I can wear it differently this time. I don't have to hide behind my weight anymore. I am mature enough to walk around in my frame and resist the evil howls from the young perverts. I can handle it now I believe. I want my frame back. I want to show the world my fashion without revealing my depression. I want my frame back. I want to wake up and feel the slender in my waist and the giant in my spirit. In my struggle to overcome I lost myself physically. My soul is whole. For me it is time to find my frame again.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
My Best Friend ~
God the father
God the son
God the spirit
First moment of aw for me is how your 3
3 in 1 yet Jesus was the one to come
As he leaves your spirit comes and relieves
the ache of his place, his spirit covers all space
God is Holy and to be worshiped
I laid my head in the water on purpose
as an act of worship to the highest of my Lord
God the father, I truly adore
Something about the Jesus I read in the book
that made me change the way i see , mostly the way i look
See the world through his eyes , perception changed , we don't really die
We come to life in his blood, all the dead being unsaid and undone
His words are living water, making us sons and daughters
For me it is simple you see
His Spirit is truly apart of me, I can feel him freely.
His comfort is at my beck and call as if Im so important he misses nothing at all
A little kinda crazy he makes me feel when I see him loving on me in my ugly real
I think to myself, i didn't even pray about this yet you know what i felt
his so gentle with me ,he makes my heart melt
my feet get weak, my tears get heavy in value as i release to you my marrow
of whats in the creep of my deepest deep.
im scared there.
your my friend. I can't find anything wrong to say to you, no matter what you stay true
i wake up and your by my side, even though i doubted you when i cried
i wasn't sure if you were even real, my pain was such a big deal
if that was me i would of been mad but for you it just made you sad
you never want to limit your love , limit your power
But i put up these silly little towers
but my friend is more loyal than any other
he doesn't knock down my walls, we do it together
Sometimes i can feel his spirit actually hugging me, it usually involves a breeze, grass and a tree
Best friend without a prayer, even if i don';t talk , your there
Holy Spirit you never stay away, some of places i have taken you~
You send me love, and speak so clearly, i have become so in love ~dearly
i can't stop thinking of you and what your about to do
so subtle that you live your Glory through your people
so strong you can't deny your our God
you have created for us a living thought of existence in who you are
you made us shiny and then gave us the stars
The nature of things all around will respond to my ups and downs
for i have the life force to create even when I am in my mistakes
so i take my breath a little more serious and begin to live more curious
about the things of You. Speaking up and doing what it really takes to get through
Sparing no real truth because i am now afraid of the who of who i was once was
Holy Spirit, my Best Friend
I love you. I have found peace in you.
I have enjoyed our days together.
I have enjoyed your version of the weather.
You make me laugh with how you can talk to me in a chicken or a giraffe. So to say,
You have showed up in some really neat ways and brighten many many days.
I am so glad that i have you.
I can't imagine life with out you
The little parts that i know to be true
are just a glimpse of the true you
so much more yet still to come
i love the joy you have put in me
i love the freedom of how i see
i am me and you I AM
together we are the story you created
Be as of me
and live in my plan
We are a team, you being the reason why i win
that's the joy of your love
despite what comes out of me
God is there cleansing me free through the Blood
I love my Best Friend
God the son
God the spirit
First moment of aw for me is how your 3
3 in 1 yet Jesus was the one to come
As he leaves your spirit comes and relieves
the ache of his place, his spirit covers all space
God is Holy and to be worshiped
I laid my head in the water on purpose
as an act of worship to the highest of my Lord
God the father, I truly adore
Something about the Jesus I read in the book
that made me change the way i see , mostly the way i look
See the world through his eyes , perception changed , we don't really die
We come to life in his blood, all the dead being unsaid and undone
His words are living water, making us sons and daughters
For me it is simple you see
His Spirit is truly apart of me, I can feel him freely.
His comfort is at my beck and call as if Im so important he misses nothing at all
A little kinda crazy he makes me feel when I see him loving on me in my ugly real
I think to myself, i didn't even pray about this yet you know what i felt
his so gentle with me ,he makes my heart melt
my feet get weak, my tears get heavy in value as i release to you my marrow
of whats in the creep of my deepest deep.
im scared there.
your my friend. I can't find anything wrong to say to you, no matter what you stay true
i wake up and your by my side, even though i doubted you when i cried
i wasn't sure if you were even real, my pain was such a big deal
if that was me i would of been mad but for you it just made you sad
you never want to limit your love , limit your power
But i put up these silly little towers
but my friend is more loyal than any other
he doesn't knock down my walls, we do it together
Sometimes i can feel his spirit actually hugging me, it usually involves a breeze, grass and a tree
Best friend without a prayer, even if i don';t talk , your there
Holy Spirit you never stay away, some of places i have taken you~
You send me love, and speak so clearly, i have become so in love ~dearly
i can't stop thinking of you and what your about to do
so subtle that you live your Glory through your people
so strong you can't deny your our God
you have created for us a living thought of existence in who you are
you made us shiny and then gave us the stars
The nature of things all around will respond to my ups and downs
for i have the life force to create even when I am in my mistakes
so i take my breath a little more serious and begin to live more curious
about the things of You. Speaking up and doing what it really takes to get through
Sparing no real truth because i am now afraid of the who of who i was once was
Holy Spirit, my Best Friend
I love you. I have found peace in you.
I have enjoyed our days together.
I have enjoyed your version of the weather.
You make me laugh with how you can talk to me in a chicken or a giraffe. So to say,
You have showed up in some really neat ways and brighten many many days.
I am so glad that i have you.
I can't imagine life with out you
The little parts that i know to be true
are just a glimpse of the true you
so much more yet still to come
i love the joy you have put in me
i love the freedom of how i see
i am me and you I AM
together we are the story you created
Be as of me
and live in my plan
We are a team, you being the reason why i win
that's the joy of your love
despite what comes out of me
God is there cleansing me free through the Blood
I love my Best Friend
Friday, March 7, 2014
Devil Tried to Make Fun of Me
Recently I have been getting alot of buzz around town so to say. Friends of mine telling me how they are running into people from our church and some from other churches who have asked about me or mentioned my name in some sort of way. This one particular story kinda was working at me from the inside. It was shared with me and now slowly it was trying to penetrate my heart and my spirit and bring feelings of rejection, embarrassment, shame. I had to consciously sit down and rework my thought process in order to not let it continue laughing at me. Someone who knows me for my testimony made some silly remarks about how everyone knows me and my testimony. They hinted around as if they wanted to dig deeper into the smug undertone but the girl who they were speaking to is a dear friend of mine. She shut that down immediatly. It hurt my feelings that someone would take my testimony and make fun of me . They would knock down my effort to Glorify the same God she says she loves. Then it started eating at me , maybe i do sound like a fool. Maybe my testimony really does just make me look bad. Maybe my testimony isn't really about God but about tearing myself down. I had to stop. I had to refocus. I decided to walk away from the entire thing with the conclusion that if what I am known for is my testimony then Praise God. When I get to heaven Jesus will say good job Julie. I was a dramatic rescue from sin. The depths of sin that I was sinking in called for some of Jesus' supernatural stuff to save me. And boy did he. I still can remember so many different supernatural events that I have seen in my life. These precious moments of time where the reality of Jesus and Heaven existed right here in my physical life. The Lord used this woman to speak over my life one day a few years back about how my testimony would be known by many and that i was called to share my story and that everything i have ever went through was training.
Back in the younger years when pagers were the popular thing I had successfully created a language using numbers to use with my crew. Even though I no longer use pagers or the numbers with anyone the Lord has begun to use my number language to communicate with me. He knows what those numbers mean to me. In fact I have always always loved the number 7-God's number. In fact he allowed Tony and I to meet and be married on 07-07-07 at 7pm on the 7th day of the week. 381 is a very important number. It means I love you. Three words, eight letters , one meaning. Often times as I read scripture some of the most life changing ones have the numbers 381 in them some how some way. It is our love language.
I have a friend at church who touched my heart when speaking of the Break Through Center on Sunday morning as I was working the info desk. I feeling kinda down about the above referenced conversation about me and my testimony, so I decided that I would just finally go. After hearing about this place for so long it is time for me to go. So I did. I followed my friend over and spent the morning. Needless to say I was touched at the heart of the people who are running this . Very passionate about giving. The heart of Jesus is alive and well. As I settled and watched the people coming in I pondered in my mind who they were and what was thier story . I stayed kinda quiet not sure of how to fit in. I was just taking in the whole picture so that I can learn the ropes. I plan on going back as much as I can. To serve. After a while the group of people were called for devotional. All the people sitting around sipping coffee and eating donuts and fruit were in a circle. The lady who led the devotional was very sweet. She prayed and asked Holy spirit to take lead, and boy did he ever. She had two books to read from . She read aloud the devotionals of some very good books. She then began to share how the Lord had given her a word for that particular moment and that she knew clear as day the word was " testimony". My heart jumped from my chest. I knew why I was there. That was the Lord speaking to my heart saying yes your testimony is needed. In this place it will have the annoiting to speak right into the hearts that were there. My testimony is not about me but about my God. I finally realized it was the devil trying to make fun of me about my testimony so that I would stop sharing it. No !! But God can take my shame and turn it into His Glory because look at me now. Look at me now. I am a successful woman of God. Every need met, every good thing in my life as he has promised us all. I have no indication of my past written on my face. He has taken years off my soul through the redeeming of time. He redeemed my name sake.
When it was time for me to leave I didn't want to go. I quietly slipped out the door as the people stopped to sit back out in the coffee shop area to have lunch. I was on my way home to get Tony up for work and cook him breakfast and fix his lunch and dinner for the day. As I got in my car my heart was still kinda racing. I knew I had just experienced a divine appoointment. I can't say for sure who but that testimony was meant for someone in that room. That the words spoken out of my mouth about what God has done for me spoke directly into the life of someone who is where I used to be. I was so tense with excitment. Then in one swoop the Lord reached down from the heavens and a peach colored fancy pretty car pulled in front of me and the license plate read this (i dont remember the letters) 3 letters and the the fours numbers ~ 7381
I gasped in the air and rolled my eyes to the skies and said I love you too Jesus !!! He made sure he let me know that what just happened was a God moment and he was proud of me for telling my truth. I wrote this piece as an altar. So I will always remember.
Back in the younger years when pagers were the popular thing I had successfully created a language using numbers to use with my crew. Even though I no longer use pagers or the numbers with anyone the Lord has begun to use my number language to communicate with me. He knows what those numbers mean to me. In fact I have always always loved the number 7-God's number. In fact he allowed Tony and I to meet and be married on 07-07-07 at 7pm on the 7th day of the week. 381 is a very important number. It means I love you. Three words, eight letters , one meaning. Often times as I read scripture some of the most life changing ones have the numbers 381 in them some how some way. It is our love language.
I have a friend at church who touched my heart when speaking of the Break Through Center on Sunday morning as I was working the info desk. I feeling kinda down about the above referenced conversation about me and my testimony, so I decided that I would just finally go. After hearing about this place for so long it is time for me to go. So I did. I followed my friend over and spent the morning. Needless to say I was touched at the heart of the people who are running this . Very passionate about giving. The heart of Jesus is alive and well. As I settled and watched the people coming in I pondered in my mind who they were and what was thier story . I stayed kinda quiet not sure of how to fit in. I was just taking in the whole picture so that I can learn the ropes. I plan on going back as much as I can. To serve. After a while the group of people were called for devotional. All the people sitting around sipping coffee and eating donuts and fruit were in a circle. The lady who led the devotional was very sweet. She prayed and asked Holy spirit to take lead, and boy did he ever. She had two books to read from . She read aloud the devotionals of some very good books. She then began to share how the Lord had given her a word for that particular moment and that she knew clear as day the word was " testimony". My heart jumped from my chest. I knew why I was there. That was the Lord speaking to my heart saying yes your testimony is needed. In this place it will have the annoiting to speak right into the hearts that were there. My testimony is not about me but about my God. I finally realized it was the devil trying to make fun of me about my testimony so that I would stop sharing it. No !! But God can take my shame and turn it into His Glory because look at me now. Look at me now. I am a successful woman of God. Every need met, every good thing in my life as he has promised us all. I have no indication of my past written on my face. He has taken years off my soul through the redeeming of time. He redeemed my name sake.
When it was time for me to leave I didn't want to go. I quietly slipped out the door as the people stopped to sit back out in the coffee shop area to have lunch. I was on my way home to get Tony up for work and cook him breakfast and fix his lunch and dinner for the day. As I got in my car my heart was still kinda racing. I knew I had just experienced a divine appoointment. I can't say for sure who but that testimony was meant for someone in that room. That the words spoken out of my mouth about what God has done for me spoke directly into the life of someone who is where I used to be. I was so tense with excitment. Then in one swoop the Lord reached down from the heavens and a peach colored fancy pretty car pulled in front of me and the license plate read this (i dont remember the letters) 3 letters and the the fours numbers ~ 7381
I gasped in the air and rolled my eyes to the skies and said I love you too Jesus !!! He made sure he let me know that what just happened was a God moment and he was proud of me for telling my truth. I wrote this piece as an altar. So I will always remember.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Engaging
What does it mean to engage ? Life is happening all around me. I am still in my search for sleep. I lay there and do nothing . I lay there thinking of all the things that need to be done. I become more uncomfortable as the surroundings become disorganized and dirty. I have no energy , only worry. I have no motivation , just overwhelming desire to sit and watch dysfunctional people on reality tv. I am ready to toss up my hands and say forget it.
Time is going by so fast. Kids are growing up. Parents are getting older. I want to slow down and stop wasting time. I want to be the best parent. I want to have meaningful relationships in my community. I want all these things yet I have none. What is it that I am missing. I feel like a stick shift in neatureal who being pushed around by my own weight. where are my gears ??
I spent a long time in this cycle of mental defeat. I didn't have any real great near death experience this time. It simply got too loud.
Quiet has returned to me, time to go and engage in what is , my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UpDate ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I go back and read some of the things I have written and never shared, I find myself thankful. I am thankful that the gift of writing has helped someone. The someone is me. I remember when the subject of writing surfaced back in a bible class at my church things were still kinda low for me. I was finally comfortable in my role as a wife and mother. Outside of that I really struggled to know who I was. The moment I would get free time it would be as if I would instantly want to do something unhealthy like eat out , smoke, drink, listen to hard core music. I really wrote the above piece in a moment where I didn't think about what i was writing, Iwas writing to release.
PRAISE GOD
It has been awhile since things have been that way. Upon the creation of Writer's Lounge writing has stayed a point of focus. I have changed so much . It 's been about a year or so and my life is completely different. I no longer find myself watching TV . I am living life from a different place. I am engaged. I find myself taking less pictures. I don't carry my cell phone everywhere I go. I am active with my kids..I have realized that my kids are really awesome people. I have invested time in several relationships with great people in my church,so I have friendship and fellowship all around me. I have been volunteering whenever I can at my church and my kids school. . I am excercising. I am eating healthy . I am praying alot more. I am writing. I am witnessing people's beauty. Everything around me is alive. I can see my Lord's touch in all the things that entertain my attention. He is a genuis and his ideas are living and so are mine. I am not thinking anymore , I am doing. I have victory and for me the nudge was the writing. I share this with you today to share my gift of healing that has come through writing. I encourage you to find the time to appreciate your own writing. If your true to the reason your writing, then the words will always be true to you. Personalities are developed in a writer's touch and we begin to appreciate the identity of each other in a more intimate way. Sometimes we can begin to appreciate our own stories in a deep place. It is well with my soul.
Time is going by so fast. Kids are growing up. Parents are getting older. I want to slow down and stop wasting time. I want to be the best parent. I want to have meaningful relationships in my community. I want all these things yet I have none. What is it that I am missing. I feel like a stick shift in neatureal who being pushed around by my own weight. where are my gears ??
I spent a long time in this cycle of mental defeat. I didn't have any real great near death experience this time. It simply got too loud.
Quiet has returned to me, time to go and engage in what is , my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UpDate ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I go back and read some of the things I have written and never shared, I find myself thankful. I am thankful that the gift of writing has helped someone. The someone is me. I remember when the subject of writing surfaced back in a bible class at my church things were still kinda low for me. I was finally comfortable in my role as a wife and mother. Outside of that I really struggled to know who I was. The moment I would get free time it would be as if I would instantly want to do something unhealthy like eat out , smoke, drink, listen to hard core music. I really wrote the above piece in a moment where I didn't think about what i was writing, Iwas writing to release.
PRAISE GOD
It has been awhile since things have been that way. Upon the creation of Writer's Lounge writing has stayed a point of focus. I have changed so much . It 's been about a year or so and my life is completely different. I no longer find myself watching TV . I am living life from a different place. I am engaged. I find myself taking less pictures. I don't carry my cell phone everywhere I go. I am active with my kids..I have realized that my kids are really awesome people. I have invested time in several relationships with great people in my church,so I have friendship and fellowship all around me. I have been volunteering whenever I can at my church and my kids school. . I am excercising. I am eating healthy . I am praying alot more. I am writing. I am witnessing people's beauty. Everything around me is alive. I can see my Lord's touch in all the things that entertain my attention. He is a genuis and his ideas are living and so are mine. I am not thinking anymore , I am doing. I have victory and for me the nudge was the writing. I share this with you today to share my gift of healing that has come through writing. I encourage you to find the time to appreciate your own writing. If your true to the reason your writing, then the words will always be true to you. Personalities are developed in a writer's touch and we begin to appreciate the identity of each other in a more intimate way. Sometimes we can begin to appreciate our own stories in a deep place. It is well with my soul.
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