Her Clothes Made Me Want to Hide

   I recently moved to Carlisle, PA. We moved into a town home community right across the street from the War College. First thing that I noticed about my new neighborhood is that there are many cultures living in one community. Most of the people living here are temporary residents as their spouse attends the war college. I have met people from Thailand, India, Bosnia, and I have noticed we have a high number of Muslims. For me to walk to the school bus stop and witness women covered in their black dresses and head wraps was a little uncomfortable. I instantly wanted to throw out the name of Jesus in their face as if I were to punish them. I have always  believed that where ever I am is where God wants me to be and that I don't end up in places by accident. I love to testify to the goodness of my Lord. He has been my night and shining armor since the days I was alone ,beaten and used. It has been a long time since those days but I will never forget what His Grace saved me from and how he has restored my life. Hearing of the persecution of Christians by the Islam's Extremist ISIS has tainted my thoughts and my actions towards these women at the same bus stop as me. I cried out to my Lord in my heart with the most honest cries ever. I am terrified of living next to people whom believe in someone other than my Lord.  Jesus is the truth and the living son of God. Jesus is the only who can save. Why would you send me here Lord? Why?
    Last night I curled up in my bed early evening abandoning all my duties as a Mother, thankfully my husband recognized something going on in me and stepped up to the plate and made dinner and took my daughter to her gym class. I didn't tell anyone the thoughts that were pounding inside of my head. I was simply living in a moment of great fear and confusion as I allowed my imagination to run to places that were not my reality. All I could say to myself and to Jesus is that I don't want to be here  .
    I woke up refreshed and found myself with a new perspective. The Lord revealed to me that my calling here is  kindness and joy. As I walked my kids to the bus stop this morning I was a little shaken when the woman wearing traditional Muslim attired walked out her door and made her way towards the same bus stop. As my heart wanted to again fill up with hatred and fear the Spirit of the Living God rose up in me and I looked her way and smiled saying good morning. She was startled. She returned my smile and said good morning . As the kids left the two of us stood side by side. I allowed the joy of the Lord to be my choice of attitude and I introduced myself and shared conversation. She is a very nice woman by the name of Hooda. She has only been hear two months and has not made many friends. She spends her day alone in the home all day while her husband attends the War College on The Carlisle Barracks. She was radiant as I allowed myself to be kind and joyful almost as if she was shedding the same hatred and fear as I was. I am not sure of God's plan but I do know this, he didn't send me here to be afraid or to hate. If I am to share my testimony of his goodness I am to do so by being kind and a living example of the Joy he can place into one's heart and life. It's hard to say  if Hooda and I will become good friends or not but if we do I will consider it a blessing. I look forward to the many new experiences God has in store for me here. I am not a new believer. I have been walking with the Lord for almost 10 years now and he has shown me things that are supernatural and only of Him. I will have faith as I live out my days here in this community. In Jesus Name may the light of his love shine through me.

Fireworks Brought Me New Perspective

        I have loved living in Hampton , Va for the past 4 years. I have enjoyed the pleasure of being a season pass holder at Busch Gardens and Water Country USA. I recently cancelled my membership due to our up coming move to Carlisle, PA. Last night Jade and her friend Harmony decided to tag along to my one last trip to Busch Gardens. I love the roller coasters. The excitement of it all. I get scared every time I get on one and I am on the edge the whole time. I love it . It keeps me young.
        Every summer Busch Gardens does a really big and amazing firework show. We wanted to see it. If you are on the wrong side of the park you will not be able to see the fireworks due to the very tall trees. We were on the wrong side of the park 10 mins till the start. We were walking so fast almost jogging pass people , weaving in and out of folks. We made it to the front for perfect view just in time. The display of sparkly fire in the darkened sky is so beautiful. The sounds they make are so loud. The booms and the pops of the fireworks itself is an experience. I was lost in childhood fantasy all over again looking at those beautiful shapes in the sky, until I realized one thing.
        There are people somewhere in this world right now at this very moment running pass the crowd. They are not running too anything though they are running away. Right now at this moment there are people whom hear the big bags and booms but it is not because of fireworks it is because of war. How similar my story is to theirs but mine is in different realm of existence. America the Land of the Free. I was so humbled and fell deeper into  appreciation for my country. I thanked Jesus for our freedom and I prayed for peace in the world. My life is not perfect. I try to always keep a fresh perspective or else I could find so many reasons to dislike it. I don't have everything I want but then again I don't even know if I know what I want. I am thankful for what I have and after last night , being ministered to by  a majesty of fireworks I am with a fresh new touch of feeling blessed and highly favored. I must always allow him to show me things over and over again in a new way. I am living my life the best I know how and Jesus is my friend. I will pray for those who can't say they are living their lives because in their reality they are trying to survive their life. Pray !

It's not about you.

          It's not about me ? What ? Why ? I remember going through all of that ! God is good and when he brought me into His Arms through His grace I fell incredibly hard into a incredibly soft place. His love allowed me to bare bleeding wounds at the time of my true salvation. I bled for awhile. I was so full of shame the first church I came to I wrote a letter to the pastor and told him who I was and if I could get his permission to come to service. Truly God led me to that particular church because I was greeted with the Love of Jesus. I survived off of their faith for my life. The amount of love he showered on me was gracious, I deserved none of it. The way I had lived my life prior to coming home to faith was evil. I was doing bad and I was bad yet the love of God found me and brushed me off and then treated me like a beloved child . He will do that. He will kiss all scrapes and bruises. He will stop the bleeding of deep cuts. He will restore and renew you to a place of wholeness.
        Life was going good. My life had been restored. I met my husband and was pregnant with my son. The ladies at church were having a get together. One of the older ladies came to me and said it was important that I come.  As soon as we were all gathered eating delicious little finger foods and drinking punch a lady walked up to me and told me God had asked her to give me something. I was excited. What is it ? She handed me a book. The book is called It's Not About Me by Max Lucado . I was a little shocked.
           I could feel the spirit speaking to me on the inside telling me that my wounds had been healed and I had experienced love for the first time but it was time for me to grow up a little because there is work to do. Jesus wants to work through me to touch the lives of others so that they may encounter the same process by which got me here. I can't explain what a weight was lifted when I came to terms with the knowledge that I don't live for myself , I live for others. I am focused outward where there is a pasture of people whom need the good shepherd. As we all may know God brings us to that place so that we can be effective in his kingdom. God needs us to be strong and go for it. No holding back ! We all try really hard at a lot of things. We try hard at finding love, having a tiny body , keeping up with latest fashion. It would be pleasing to the Lord if we all would try hard at letting go of ourselves and focus on Him. God is a God of perfect timing. He is in the business of always showing up just at the right time. Don't chase something that hasn't come to you. It's is not about you . Maybe what is to be is still in the  ingredient stage and the time is not right. It is not about us but what can be done through us. Love is a choice. Jesus chose to love us and that wasn't even about us. Jesus loving us is about Him. His Goodness , His Gracious Love and Merciful Heart. We are his reward. He valued us as His Prize, His Bride. I am so thankful that his love is not based on me or else it might be contained to small levels of dirty sloppy chaos. His Love is so good we can feel confident that living in a place where we are not focused on ourselves is a place that is healthy and organic. Life is meant to be lived organically. Jesus is the original organic. One of the most frustrating things about a relationship that is in trouble is that  one or more  of the persons are looking through the glass eye  of only seeing themselves. The What about me syndrome is a friendship killer, family destroyer. When we are offended it is most often because we are in that place of what about me. Let it go. You will be okay. Jesus will show up and bring to you all that is planned. It is not about us. Encourage yourselves in the wisdom that you are loved and adored. You are perfectly loved the way you are right now and it is okay to say it's not about me.
     

God is ...

Time to rise
never said the sun
golden bright light is its purpose
it exists in its purpose
how i long for its warmth

time to change from my skin to my feather
never said no bug
it just took the time to build its house
how i love to see it fly

oh no i must burst forth my color
never said no flower
it just bent with the wind and released from within
the purple of the flower is my pleasure

the sounds of the ocean do no wait for an audience
they display majesty for simple perfection of design
how i am softened by the whisper of salt water

the trees so tall and very large
they didn't become that way without reason
they are alive in and out of season
the things a tree can make me feel  with one touch of it's greatness

The eyes of others cannot disguise
i am deeply cut or highly healed through the contents of a living lens
the power of light doesn't shine in , its shines out
darkness is a state
in which i am no longer in
my lens are reflecting and life is at begin

come , come and raise your hand
its ok to learn but not to stand
agreement the power cord of a crowd

i still get goose bumps when this is breathing
spirit is leading not deceiving
darkness is the lie

God has called us to rise like the sun,
let the colors of your creation come through
transform like  the caterpillar
worship like the ocean
stand strong and tall like the trees
let our eyes reflect the light and most of all
stand in agreement that God is ....

Kids Might of Out Smarted Us

      My kids. Jade who is 11 and Tj who is 6. They are busting at the seams with unstoppable energy. I must nurture my body with food and sleep to keep up with these two. If I don't get a good night's sleep the next day my kids will basically torture me with non stop questions. I love them so much but sometimes my nerves can get a little whacked. I am not a perfect person in front of my kids and I use all situations in life as an opportunity to point them to Jesus. What really rocks my socks off is when Jesus uses my children to point me back to him. God has shown up in so many different ways. Every time I see something familiar he makes it new again by talking to me through it. Yes he is a very creative God.
       My kids might out of smarted us adults recently and they never even realized it. When they are outside all day running around the neighborhood with the other 9 children who close by , they are turned up. I remember those days. Running wild and free. Riding bikes, climbing trees. I can chill on the couch for hours sometimes as they run in and out  of the house all day. As long as my yes' are yes' I will hardly see them. Problem is when my answer is no. When my kids hear no, they start the long process of begging that turns into bugging. But why ?? What makes you say  no ?? Please ? I promise ? Man oh man sometimes for me it is just easier to say yes. As soon as they get that answer yes, they are gone, out the door. Off with lightening speed to do what they requested.
       How many times do we sit around and keep asking God for something he has already said yes too. Begging and bugging Him about the same thing over and over , yet His answer is yes. Kids have out smarted us because they are innocent just enough  to know that yes means go , do it. As grown ups we have become comfortable with the result of the no answer. Sitting around waiting, longing, begging, complaining, crying. It has become a breeding ground for laziness. Kids are eager with energy. They are hanging on a cliff waiting for someone to say Go !
         Mom can I ride my bike around the block ? Yes Jade. Instantly she is out the door on her bike . Hey I want to start a ministry one day. You want to feed homeless people ?? What are you waiting for? Pack some lunches and go find a homeless guy, and feed him. God said yes and now you should "GO"! Mom can I run in the sprinklers ? Yes Tj go for it, before I even have a chance to grab the sunscreen he is outside completely wet. Okay so you want to start a support group for porn addicts, what are you waiting for ? Invite some people over and share your story, tell them your struggle and how you confess it and you rebuke it. What are you waiting for ? Go, do it.
          I am coming into a place where I find myself feeling silly for asking God to bless my day. The answer is yes and he has already said to me Go. I am so deeply involved in my relationship with Christ in my thoughts that every second of every day feels like the fast lane of yes and go and amens. If something is in my way i declare it moved , because the answer is already been given and it is yes. I have seen supernatural power in the last few weeks at an all time high. Rainy clouds disappearing, housing presenting itself, gas mileage increased. Just crazy weird miracles and it is all because i am responding to God's  yes the same way my kids do for my yes'.
         2 Corinthians 3
 3 Are we beginning to commend ourselves again ? Or do we need like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you ? 2 You yourselves are our letter written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. 3 You show that you are a a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tables of stone but on the tables of human hearts.
4 The  confidence we have through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but competences comes from God. 6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant- not of the letter but of the Spirit, for the letters kills but the Spirit gives life.
       Our first responsibility to ourselves is to just admit God is on our side and sometimes our own laziness can play a trick in our thoughts and make us respond to one of God's Yes' as if it were a No. I had to admit this when it comes to my weight. I am unhappy about my physical weight. I pray and prayed for years. God's answer was already yes. Of course he wants for me a healthy body and mind and spirit and soul. He wants me to be my best. I was too lazy to acknowledge  that His yes wasn't being delayed and that all I had to do was get up and move....
      WE are not perfect. No one expects that from you. In this world I worship the only one who is perfect, Jesus. His plan for you is to give you Life and life abundantly. Break out of your shell. Time to expose to everyone who you are. You are a walking letter being read by everyone whether you want to be heard or not. Speak up and open up. Let the world see your heart , your mind. Tell your story so that Christ may be found by others. He is so creative , such an author. He will surprise you with just how important your role is. Unique and highly effective. I am going and getting on my bike ... I am going to jump in with two feet and rebuke my own laziness. I want you to come with me.. let's Go. Lets do this.

What your walking out labels you ?

     Labels ? They have been at the center of arguments for ages. Labels that people place upon others,  upon situations. Labels set in a pre determined thought of what to expect and what to wait for.  Like many of the people in this world have come to hate labels. Do not label me, do not think you know me that well.
     All that changed last night. I saw something in someone who shared their heart and my perception of labels have changed. Labels aren't that bad. They tell you what is contained, delivered and available. They tell you of warnings and cautions. Sometimes these things are helpful and needed. To recognize the fruit of someone or a situation is gift of discernment. Why not appreciate it instead of rebel against it. Of course we only rebel against it when it is revealing our own character in an unattractive light . (People, we are such a trip!!)
       A man named Shawn Borelli quoted this last night "When you walk in love you become a giver". Several years ago I would taken this statement and argued it because i would immediately assume he was speaking of material items, most likely money. I once had a love for money that ran so deep that it made me deny even the truth of the word if it required me giving something away. I was delivered from the twisted fleshy disease in my bathroom while in the tub thinking I was about to have a heart attack. It took God many years to work it out of me , but thank goodness he is the type of God who does take the time to work it out without forcing us, beating us or punishing us. He is so merciful.
       Last night when I heard Shawn say this I experienced it in such a new light. I no longer felt a need to defend my position over my money. I was free to hear the words without a label. I was free to identify the real label. God's label. A giver . A giver of Life. When we walk in love we become a giver , God allowed me to see the entire heavenly reality of this statement.. When we walk in love we become a giver, a giver of life. I want this label. I want God to smack that all over me , again and again. What an Honor to know that by simply walking in love and obeying what he asks, we become a giver of life. Our words, our actions, our gifts, even our money becomes bigger than just some item or some paper , it becomes the vine. It becomes living water. It becomes that seed.
     Seems so simple this concept especially for me who is a seasoned believer. Yet I am experiencing it for the first time with better sight.  I was not labeled by my flesh and it felt so good. It feels so good. I know I have had my heart washed and cleansed by the Savior. It still has a ways to go but Praise God that I can see my own growth and can celebrate in a deeper quieter way. I find value in my own life . This is a good thing. I am standing in agreement with my Lord that I matter . I am important. I am a giver. And because I walk in the love of Jesus , I am more than a giver of money , time, items, I am a giver of life. It is God that takes the things I am willing to give and supernaturally touches them and life on the receiving end is enhanced, encouraged, uplifted, sang over, adored, honored, and healed.

The Flower That Could

the cement is long and goes on and on
house after house, block after block
the cement is long and goes on and on

the smell of the lives lost lingers in the ground
the waste of the people lost, leaves smells

the tears they mourn because they cannot even cry
hopeless is after the last tear

the ones who own keys to the doors that line the cement
they unable to see the dirt that has become a home
this place is what gives him the ability to own
a place for his waste

we all have a reason to look away
that's just today
but if we look really hard at not searching~~ through looking....

breathing is an act of opening up and taking in
turn your eyes into your lungs and begin within

there are so many flowers all around
flowers that come up over night just like people in the chance

what has a more beauty a flower or a person

could it be they relate to the other's soul
one helping the other to not feel so old

what if we could be the flower that could
even though the cement is long , the flower finds a crack
it pushes up thru  the smallest opportunity
to blossom it's beauty, in the length of on and on
yet its green hums and it's color sings
a different tune than the smell of the land


if a soul were to be a flower
we wouldn't count the keys of the doors that line the street
we would push pass the keys and find the heart
the original birth of the key in the door

the flower that could is sometimes  weak
but with just enough time it gains strength
it never rushes itself into panic
it knows its purpose and with caution never abandons

the flower that could brings with it invite to life
never alone and rich in price
valued and adored by all who know
the miracle of a Son that allowed her to grow

the flower that could lives its entire life with a purpose
sometimes the purpose is not the celebration
the beauty of flower has encouraged
has found itself on stage
and because of its simple beauty
i shall not be afraid
but yet i shall be like it
put my feet  in the dirt and take a grip

I am the flower that could