Me finding my frame once again.

Life has changed for me. I like the changes. I am not completely perfect, but I do know that perfection happens upon completion and for me I am not yet complete. I wont be until God has called me home. I used to struggle with the concept of death but recently I have come to a place where my struggle has been more with living than dying. I want to live the loudest I can. I have been limiting myself. I am surprised at how much I deny myself because deep down inside I feel like I should be contiously punished. I totally don't understand myself . I am so loving and caring towards others but so mean to myself. This used to be my truth but no longer. I love who I have become in Christ. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am blessed. I want to once again reveal my beauty in my frame. This used to scare me. I used to find comfort in my weight. I didn't have to worry about the temptation of flesh because no one wanted me. I don't like me in the over weight view. I am so fashionable that my when my weight chooses the outfit instead of me I get angry and depressed. I am tired of hiding behind angry and depressed. I feel the beauty of God and His image of me inside,,, I want so desperately the discipline to let it shine inwardly and outwardly. 'when I was young and so attractive I was seduced by every pervert in town. I don't hold myself accountable for the encounters. I was a child who was abused and led astray without a voice of reason or wisdom in my life. I was a victim then. my youth and beauty were the line and bait for every sicko on earth.. no one told me or talked to me. Things have changed. I have been schooled by my savior. I want my beauty back so that I can wear it differently this time. I don't have to hide behind my weight anymore. I am mature enough to walk around in my frame and resist the evil howls from the young perverts. I can handle it now I believe. I want my frame back. I want to show the world my fashion without revealing my depression. I want my frame back. I want to wake up and feel the slender in my waist and the giant in my spirit. In my struggle to overcome I lost myself physically. My soul is whole. For me it is time to find my frame again.