My favorite thing about Jesus is how he addresses the women he is speaking too as woman. In my heart I receive that as if he is acknowledging his creation before our individuality and to me that is fascinating because he only does it to women . Our ability to reach beyond ourselves is equal in the fact that naturally it represents itself as giving birth to a baby. It is identical in all ways when it comes to level of giving oneself , whether it is familiar or not. This is the dna of a woman.
It is not an easy thing to wake up one day and realize that this day is not about you. From the moment you wake up and until you lay down things are about people in your life, in your world. I strive for it. I must give of myself to honor and show appreciation for what the Lord has given me. So little by little I commit , I give, I give , I give. That extra little step all day long for my immediate family , husband and kids. Outside family I am trying to establish good memories. Friends, I love them honestly. Strangers are the ones I am probably most nice too because I only have a moment to deposit into their life what is overflowing at the moment of our divine conception.
Sometimes I get mad. I get so tired. The same routine over and over again. Nothing stimulating in my immediate environment because instead of those whom I try to minister to the most through love and dedication are not interacting with me.. they are living suitably and easily because I have done their work. I have become a car in the drive way instead of a woman in their day. I get frustrated. I want to quit. I say alot of bad words and sometimes find myself stealing a candy bar. The rebellion over comes me and I lash out. I don't want to be used!
My Jesus tank is empty. If I have ever needed a moment of worship , it is now. Woman , is how I by faith, choose to see myself. I imagine in my head my Jesus asking "Woman, are you of little faith ?" and I say " No , I am not my Lord. "
These moments of realizing it is not about me first send me into a rage and the outcome of the rage is my acknowledgment (me screaming it from every point of view I have) Jesus I need you. I am empty . Fill me again of your Spirit. Let the river flow . Flow to me My lord. Without you I will go mad in routines of constant giving. I must be in your mix to be digested so intensely. I love to be overflowing but without your presence I am empty. You inhabit it the praises of your people. My heart wants to praise you and worship you. To come into a place where my tears can flow and no one has to pay a price for it. I need not to lash out.. I need to lift hands ! My Lord , My Lord.. I am her. Woman. I can give beyond more than received because I don't need them. I need you. Jesus , bring me to my knees .
I have found a church that I am ready to call my own. Freedom life had us spoiled with the Saturday night services. The church likes starts at 9;30 on a Sunday. Tony and Jade are not morning people but yes they will be this Sunday.. Lol.
This was a random moment of expression because honestly this is a personal record of an intimate moment in a woman's life. Read it and hear more than a story. Hear a heart .
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Thursday, November 20, 2014
I Walked And Found A Tree
When the trees are without their leaves it makes me think of me ~
Branches reaching high to the sky but not really knowing why
The trunk of their foundation has given the dna to grow
did the branches ever wonder why the trunk stop talking at go
Was the trunk supposed to help the branches find their way
or is it we have babies and then let them be on their way without a word to say
The trees changed in a season and now they are full of many reasons
The leaves gather and remain , creating joyful noise that keeps a reign
So much love now, does the empty branch even still care
The past of empty trees was like the past of a victim me
But now, now there are so many leaves
The grace of God has embraced me
like the leaves have the branch
The world has been altered by my very own eyes
i am finding beauty in things once despised
The little dog barks and runs after me
but i feel no flee in me
I am not scared or upset by it's bark
with it's brave little heart
People are the same,
I don't care if you speak my name
You can't hurt me even though you throw your words
My reputation is that of a big girls
I am redeemed and value the call
What now is left for the branch to experience
It has become a routine , the same in and out
with and without
leaves and green
is it over or did it fall
Higher and higher they reach for Him
In all directions the branch goes up and up to the sky
Is that Glory of the branches story
The bareness and the cold
the spring and its life's load
the fall when it does just that
*SNAP* Here we go right back ~
I was bare, yes and very alone
rawness eating at my bone
almost cracking isn't the fame
Redemption after hearing his Name
where it all began to change
and my seasons began their gain
the glory in my story
I keep reaching higher and closer to my God
and He is there being the trunk to my branches
His DNA showing me my way
In life you can find yourself in the things you do
I walked in nature and found myself in a tree
This tree has become me and I it
Never again to be alone
All I need is some land to roam
I will be within my place
Where God is filling the entire space
I Walked and Found a Tree.
Branches reaching high to the sky but not really knowing why
The trunk of their foundation has given the dna to grow
did the branches ever wonder why the trunk stop talking at go
Was the trunk supposed to help the branches find their way
or is it we have babies and then let them be on their way without a word to say
The trees changed in a season and now they are full of many reasons
The leaves gather and remain , creating joyful noise that keeps a reign
So much love now, does the empty branch even still care
The past of empty trees was like the past of a victim me
But now, now there are so many leaves
The grace of God has embraced me
like the leaves have the branch
The world has been altered by my very own eyes
i am finding beauty in things once despised
The little dog barks and runs after me
but i feel no flee in me
I am not scared or upset by it's bark
with it's brave little heart
People are the same,
I don't care if you speak my name
You can't hurt me even though you throw your words
My reputation is that of a big girls
I am redeemed and value the call
What now is left for the branch to experience
It has become a routine , the same in and out
with and without
leaves and green
is it over or did it fall
Higher and higher they reach for Him
In all directions the branch goes up and up to the sky
Is that Glory of the branches story
The bareness and the cold
the spring and its life's load
the fall when it does just that
*SNAP* Here we go right back ~
I was bare, yes and very alone
rawness eating at my bone
almost cracking isn't the fame
Redemption after hearing his Name
where it all began to change
and my seasons began their gain
the glory in my story
I keep reaching higher and closer to my God
and He is there being the trunk to my branches
His DNA showing me my way
In life you can find yourself in the things you do
I walked in nature and found myself in a tree
This tree has become me and I it
Never again to be alone
All I need is some land to roam
I will be within my place
Where God is filling the entire space
I Walked and Found a Tree.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
The Worst Choice Ever Made
The ultimate question for all humanity to face is if there is a God . Who is he , what does he want? What is going to happen to us ? Are you going to die and just be gone or is eternity a place of life and consciousness? I answered those questions in my own life through my faith in Jesus Christ. I believe in what Jesus says. It is not hard to see the evidence in my life that God has embraced me. I chose all the wrong things growing up. I suffered many traumas and life altering experiences at an early age. It seemed as though it was one thing after another. Text book behavior of someone lost, afraid, alone, and confused. My worst enemy at that time in my life was my age. My young years worked against me only because I didn't have the mature support of an adult. I was a heavy drug user for 20 years. I was a criminal on purpose. Yet here I am today transformed and still moving forward in my life. But it is the God in my story that makes it easy to recognize who he is. I didn't do anything to deserve all of my second chances except get so tired of me that I gave it all up to him. All I did was give up on the world and run to Jesus. That moment was my beginning. Since then I my life has been re purposed and redeemed. Transformed and renewed.I can only praise and testify to His Goodness because surely I am living in it.
I have a man in my life that is a distant lover from my past. He is someone special to me even though we have not been a couple for over 20 years. He knew me in those young ripe years of total chaos. He was handsome and had it all together. He was a sharp dresser and kept his car clean and always smelling good. He was cute and had alot of money. Woman flocked to him because he seemed to have it all. He rejected my love back then and threw me away because he was a dealer and I was a user. Guess the two don't mix. Years went by and I always kept in touch with him. Our friendship never really died. We stayed in touch and when I became a Christian I started posting on FB about my faith, He reached out to me and we shared many in depth conversations about God and Heaven and Hell. He laughed at me and said that I was being foolish to believe everything the bible and the church teach. He regarded to my FB post as something I should be embarrassed about. I in return considered him to be the foolish one. As time has passed I recently found out that he has had a mental break down. He has lost his mind in the sense that He is suffering sever paranoia , sleep deprivation , and hallucinations. Now he has never been one to use drugs and this is still true. He has taken on belief in aliens living among us and now he is being sniffed by them through people's eyes. I can't express how much my heart broke for him. I ached in my soul for many days whens i just started to pray for him. I feel as if his down fall is the exact same type of evidence I have in my story. The choice to reject Jesus and his gospel was the worst choice that he ever made. It cost him his mind. I believe in all my heart and soul that if he would of accepted Grace he wouldn't have to fight the temptation to loose his mind alone. He would have the power of scripture to back him up. Our worst consequences don't always come from what we choose, sometimes it comes from what we neglect to choose. As Christians we can see the suffering of those whom run from the Truth. We should be the softest place for a sinner to land if we truly believe in what we say. I have been forgiven of so much that I feel like a jerk for trying to throw my judgment on someone else. I want to embrace those whom suffer. Why do we choose to hate them instead of embracing them. When it is obvious they have made the worse choice ever , shouldn't their suffering be the only judgment they encounter? Isn't that the only judgment in the place of being right? They cannot deny their own experience. Let your voice be still and your arms be strong. Let's love the crazy, the broken and the lost right into the Arms of Jesus.
Update on my friend. He has recently expressed a new belief that God is real. He said that when he decided to accept God being real the aliens that had been living inside of him left and he is able to sleep. I give glory to God because of prayer. He answerers prayer. Prayer is an awesome form of love.
I have a man in my life that is a distant lover from my past. He is someone special to me even though we have not been a couple for over 20 years. He knew me in those young ripe years of total chaos. He was handsome and had it all together. He was a sharp dresser and kept his car clean and always smelling good. He was cute and had alot of money. Woman flocked to him because he seemed to have it all. He rejected my love back then and threw me away because he was a dealer and I was a user. Guess the two don't mix. Years went by and I always kept in touch with him. Our friendship never really died. We stayed in touch and when I became a Christian I started posting on FB about my faith, He reached out to me and we shared many in depth conversations about God and Heaven and Hell. He laughed at me and said that I was being foolish to believe everything the bible and the church teach. He regarded to my FB post as something I should be embarrassed about. I in return considered him to be the foolish one. As time has passed I recently found out that he has had a mental break down. He has lost his mind in the sense that He is suffering sever paranoia , sleep deprivation , and hallucinations. Now he has never been one to use drugs and this is still true. He has taken on belief in aliens living among us and now he is being sniffed by them through people's eyes. I can't express how much my heart broke for him. I ached in my soul for many days whens i just started to pray for him. I feel as if his down fall is the exact same type of evidence I have in my story. The choice to reject Jesus and his gospel was the worst choice that he ever made. It cost him his mind. I believe in all my heart and soul that if he would of accepted Grace he wouldn't have to fight the temptation to loose his mind alone. He would have the power of scripture to back him up. Our worst consequences don't always come from what we choose, sometimes it comes from what we neglect to choose. As Christians we can see the suffering of those whom run from the Truth. We should be the softest place for a sinner to land if we truly believe in what we say. I have been forgiven of so much that I feel like a jerk for trying to throw my judgment on someone else. I want to embrace those whom suffer. Why do we choose to hate them instead of embracing them. When it is obvious they have made the worse choice ever , shouldn't their suffering be the only judgment they encounter? Isn't that the only judgment in the place of being right? They cannot deny their own experience. Let your voice be still and your arms be strong. Let's love the crazy, the broken and the lost right into the Arms of Jesus.
Update on my friend. He has recently expressed a new belief that God is real. He said that when he decided to accept God being real the aliens that had been living inside of him left and he is able to sleep. I give glory to God because of prayer. He answerers prayer. Prayer is an awesome form of love.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Her Clothes Made Me Want to Hide
I recently moved to Carlisle, PA. We moved into a town home community right across the street from the War College. First thing that I noticed about my new neighborhood is that there are many cultures living in one community. Most of the people living here are temporary residents as their spouse attends the war college. I have met people from Thailand, India, Bosnia, and I have noticed we have a high number of Muslims. For me to walk to the school bus stop and witness women covered in their black dresses and head wraps was a little uncomfortable. I instantly wanted to throw out the name of Jesus in their face as if I were to punish them. I have always believed that where ever I am is where God wants me to be and that I don't end up in places by accident. I love to testify to the goodness of my Lord. He has been my night and shining armor since the days I was alone ,beaten and used. It has been a long time since those days but I will never forget what His Grace saved me from and how he has restored my life. Hearing of the persecution of Christians by the Islam's Extremist ISIS has tainted my thoughts and my actions towards these women at the same bus stop as me. I cried out to my Lord in my heart with the most honest cries ever. I am terrified of living next to people whom believe in someone other than my Lord. Jesus is the truth and the living son of God. Jesus is the only who can save. Why would you send me here Lord? Why?
Last night I curled up in my bed early evening abandoning all my duties as a Mother, thankfully my husband recognized something going on in me and stepped up to the plate and made dinner and took my daughter to her gym class. I didn't tell anyone the thoughts that were pounding inside of my head. I was simply living in a moment of great fear and confusion as I allowed my imagination to run to places that were not my reality. All I could say to myself and to Jesus is that I don't want to be here .
I woke up refreshed and found myself with a new perspective. The Lord revealed to me that my calling here is kindness and joy. As I walked my kids to the bus stop this morning I was a little shaken when the woman wearing traditional Muslim attired walked out her door and made her way towards the same bus stop. As my heart wanted to again fill up with hatred and fear the Spirit of the Living God rose up in me and I looked her way and smiled saying good morning. She was startled. She returned my smile and said good morning . As the kids left the two of us stood side by side. I allowed the joy of the Lord to be my choice of attitude and I introduced myself and shared conversation. She is a very nice woman by the name of Hooda. She has only been hear two months and has not made many friends. She spends her day alone in the home all day while her husband attends the War College on The Carlisle Barracks. She was radiant as I allowed myself to be kind and joyful almost as if she was shedding the same hatred and fear as I was. I am not sure of God's plan but I do know this, he didn't send me here to be afraid or to hate. If I am to share my testimony of his goodness I am to do so by being kind and a living example of the Joy he can place into one's heart and life. It's hard to say if Hooda and I will become good friends or not but if we do I will consider it a blessing. I look forward to the many new experiences God has in store for me here. I am not a new believer. I have been walking with the Lord for almost 10 years now and he has shown me things that are supernatural and only of Him. I will have faith as I live out my days here in this community. In Jesus Name may the light of his love shine through me.
Last night I curled up in my bed early evening abandoning all my duties as a Mother, thankfully my husband recognized something going on in me and stepped up to the plate and made dinner and took my daughter to her gym class. I didn't tell anyone the thoughts that were pounding inside of my head. I was simply living in a moment of great fear and confusion as I allowed my imagination to run to places that were not my reality. All I could say to myself and to Jesus is that I don't want to be here .
I woke up refreshed and found myself with a new perspective. The Lord revealed to me that my calling here is kindness and joy. As I walked my kids to the bus stop this morning I was a little shaken when the woman wearing traditional Muslim attired walked out her door and made her way towards the same bus stop. As my heart wanted to again fill up with hatred and fear the Spirit of the Living God rose up in me and I looked her way and smiled saying good morning. She was startled. She returned my smile and said good morning . As the kids left the two of us stood side by side. I allowed the joy of the Lord to be my choice of attitude and I introduced myself and shared conversation. She is a very nice woman by the name of Hooda. She has only been hear two months and has not made many friends. She spends her day alone in the home all day while her husband attends the War College on The Carlisle Barracks. She was radiant as I allowed myself to be kind and joyful almost as if she was shedding the same hatred and fear as I was. I am not sure of God's plan but I do know this, he didn't send me here to be afraid or to hate. If I am to share my testimony of his goodness I am to do so by being kind and a living example of the Joy he can place into one's heart and life. It's hard to say if Hooda and I will become good friends or not but if we do I will consider it a blessing. I look forward to the many new experiences God has in store for me here. I am not a new believer. I have been walking with the Lord for almost 10 years now and he has shown me things that are supernatural and only of Him. I will have faith as I live out my days here in this community. In Jesus Name may the light of his love shine through me.
Friday, August 8, 2014
Fireworks Brought Me New Perspective
I have loved living in Hampton , Va for the past 4 years. I have enjoyed the pleasure of being a season pass holder at Busch Gardens and Water Country USA. I recently cancelled my membership due to our up coming move to Carlisle, PA. Last night Jade and her friend Harmony decided to tag along to my one last trip to Busch Gardens. I love the roller coasters. The excitement of it all. I get scared every time I get on one and I am on the edge the whole time. I love it . It keeps me young.
Every summer Busch Gardens does a really big and amazing firework show. We wanted to see it. If you are on the wrong side of the park you will not be able to see the fireworks due to the very tall trees. We were on the wrong side of the park 10 mins till the start. We were walking so fast almost jogging pass people , weaving in and out of folks. We made it to the front for perfect view just in time. The display of sparkly fire in the darkened sky is so beautiful. The sounds they make are so loud. The booms and the pops of the fireworks itself is an experience. I was lost in childhood fantasy all over again looking at those beautiful shapes in the sky, until I realized one thing.
There are people somewhere in this world right now at this very moment running pass the crowd. They are not running too anything though they are running away. Right now at this moment there are people whom hear the big bags and booms but it is not because of fireworks it is because of war. How similar my story is to theirs but mine is in different realm of existence. America the Land of the Free. I was so humbled and fell deeper into appreciation for my country. I thanked Jesus for our freedom and I prayed for peace in the world. My life is not perfect. I try to always keep a fresh perspective or else I could find so many reasons to dislike it. I don't have everything I want but then again I don't even know if I know what I want. I am thankful for what I have and after last night , being ministered to by a majesty of fireworks I am with a fresh new touch of feeling blessed and highly favored. I must always allow him to show me things over and over again in a new way. I am living my life the best I know how and Jesus is my friend. I will pray for those who can't say they are living their lives because in their reality they are trying to survive their life. Pray !
Every summer Busch Gardens does a really big and amazing firework show. We wanted to see it. If you are on the wrong side of the park you will not be able to see the fireworks due to the very tall trees. We were on the wrong side of the park 10 mins till the start. We were walking so fast almost jogging pass people , weaving in and out of folks. We made it to the front for perfect view just in time. The display of sparkly fire in the darkened sky is so beautiful. The sounds they make are so loud. The booms and the pops of the fireworks itself is an experience. I was lost in childhood fantasy all over again looking at those beautiful shapes in the sky, until I realized one thing.
There are people somewhere in this world right now at this very moment running pass the crowd. They are not running too anything though they are running away. Right now at this moment there are people whom hear the big bags and booms but it is not because of fireworks it is because of war. How similar my story is to theirs but mine is in different realm of existence. America the Land of the Free. I was so humbled and fell deeper into appreciation for my country. I thanked Jesus for our freedom and I prayed for peace in the world. My life is not perfect. I try to always keep a fresh perspective or else I could find so many reasons to dislike it. I don't have everything I want but then again I don't even know if I know what I want. I am thankful for what I have and after last night , being ministered to by a majesty of fireworks I am with a fresh new touch of feeling blessed and highly favored. I must always allow him to show me things over and over again in a new way. I am living my life the best I know how and Jesus is my friend. I will pray for those who can't say they are living their lives because in their reality they are trying to survive their life. Pray !
Sunday, August 3, 2014
It's not about you.
It's not about me ? What ? Why ? I remember going through all of that ! God is good and when he brought me into His Arms through His grace I fell incredibly hard into a incredibly soft place. His love allowed me to bare bleeding wounds at the time of my true salvation. I bled for awhile. I was so full of shame the first church I came to I wrote a letter to the pastor and told him who I was and if I could get his permission to come to service. Truly God led me to that particular church because I was greeted with the Love of Jesus. I survived off of their faith for my life. The amount of love he showered on me was gracious, I deserved none of it. The way I had lived my life prior to coming home to faith was evil. I was doing bad and I was bad yet the love of God found me and brushed me off and then treated me like a beloved child . He will do that. He will kiss all scrapes and bruises. He will stop the bleeding of deep cuts. He will restore and renew you to a place of wholeness.
Life was going good. My life had been restored. I met my husband and was pregnant with my son. The ladies at church were having a get together. One of the older ladies came to me and said it was important that I come. As soon as we were all gathered eating delicious little finger foods and drinking punch a lady walked up to me and told me God had asked her to give me something. I was excited. What is it ? She handed me a book. The book is called It's Not About Me by Max Lucado . I was a little shocked.
I could feel the spirit speaking to me on the inside telling me that my wounds had been healed and I had experienced love for the first time but it was time for me to grow up a little because there is work to do. Jesus wants to work through me to touch the lives of others so that they may encounter the same process by which got me here. I can't explain what a weight was lifted when I came to terms with the knowledge that I don't live for myself , I live for others. I am focused outward where there is a pasture of people whom need the good shepherd. As we all may know God brings us to that place so that we can be effective in his kingdom. God needs us to be strong and go for it. No holding back ! We all try really hard at a lot of things. We try hard at finding love, having a tiny body , keeping up with latest fashion. It would be pleasing to the Lord if we all would try hard at letting go of ourselves and focus on Him. God is a God of perfect timing. He is in the business of always showing up just at the right time. Don't chase something that hasn't come to you. It's is not about you . Maybe what is to be is still in the ingredient stage and the time is not right. It is not about us but what can be done through us. Love is a choice. Jesus chose to love us and that wasn't even about us. Jesus loving us is about Him. His Goodness , His Gracious Love and Merciful Heart. We are his reward. He valued us as His Prize, His Bride. I am so thankful that his love is not based on me or else it might be contained to small levels of dirty sloppy chaos. His Love is so good we can feel confident that living in a place where we are not focused on ourselves is a place that is healthy and organic. Life is meant to be lived organically. Jesus is the original organic. One of the most frustrating things about a relationship that is in trouble is that one or more of the persons are looking through the glass eye of only seeing themselves. The What about me syndrome is a friendship killer, family destroyer. When we are offended it is most often because we are in that place of what about me. Let it go. You will be okay. Jesus will show up and bring to you all that is planned. It is not about us. Encourage yourselves in the wisdom that you are loved and adored. You are perfectly loved the way you are right now and it is okay to say it's not about me.
Life was going good. My life had been restored. I met my husband and was pregnant with my son. The ladies at church were having a get together. One of the older ladies came to me and said it was important that I come. As soon as we were all gathered eating delicious little finger foods and drinking punch a lady walked up to me and told me God had asked her to give me something. I was excited. What is it ? She handed me a book. The book is called It's Not About Me by Max Lucado . I was a little shocked.
I could feel the spirit speaking to me on the inside telling me that my wounds had been healed and I had experienced love for the first time but it was time for me to grow up a little because there is work to do. Jesus wants to work through me to touch the lives of others so that they may encounter the same process by which got me here. I can't explain what a weight was lifted when I came to terms with the knowledge that I don't live for myself , I live for others. I am focused outward where there is a pasture of people whom need the good shepherd. As we all may know God brings us to that place so that we can be effective in his kingdom. God needs us to be strong and go for it. No holding back ! We all try really hard at a lot of things. We try hard at finding love, having a tiny body , keeping up with latest fashion. It would be pleasing to the Lord if we all would try hard at letting go of ourselves and focus on Him. God is a God of perfect timing. He is in the business of always showing up just at the right time. Don't chase something that hasn't come to you. It's is not about you . Maybe what is to be is still in the ingredient stage and the time is not right. It is not about us but what can be done through us. Love is a choice. Jesus chose to love us and that wasn't even about us. Jesus loving us is about Him. His Goodness , His Gracious Love and Merciful Heart. We are his reward. He valued us as His Prize, His Bride. I am so thankful that his love is not based on me or else it might be contained to small levels of dirty sloppy chaos. His Love is so good we can feel confident that living in a place where we are not focused on ourselves is a place that is healthy and organic. Life is meant to be lived organically. Jesus is the original organic. One of the most frustrating things about a relationship that is in trouble is that one or more of the persons are looking through the glass eye of only seeing themselves. The What about me syndrome is a friendship killer, family destroyer. When we are offended it is most often because we are in that place of what about me. Let it go. You will be okay. Jesus will show up and bring to you all that is planned. It is not about us. Encourage yourselves in the wisdom that you are loved and adored. You are perfectly loved the way you are right now and it is okay to say it's not about me.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
God is ...
Time to rise
never said the sun
golden bright light is its purpose
it exists in its purpose
how i long for its warmth
time to change from my skin to my feather
never said no bug
it just took the time to build its house
how i love to see it fly
oh no i must burst forth my color
never said no flower
it just bent with the wind and released from within
the purple of the flower is my pleasure
the sounds of the ocean do no wait for an audience
they display majesty for simple perfection of design
how i am softened by the whisper of salt water
the trees so tall and very large
they didn't become that way without reason
they are alive in and out of season
the things a tree can make me feel with one touch of it's greatness
The eyes of others cannot disguise
i am deeply cut or highly healed through the contents of a living lens
the power of light doesn't shine in , its shines out
darkness is a state
in which i am no longer in
my lens are reflecting and life is at begin
come , come and raise your hand
its ok to learn but not to stand
agreement the power cord of a crowd
i still get goose bumps when this is breathing
spirit is leading not deceiving
darkness is the lie
God has called us to rise like the sun,
let the colors of your creation come through
transform like the caterpillar
worship like the ocean
stand strong and tall like the trees
let our eyes reflect the light and most of all
stand in agreement that God is ....
never said the sun
golden bright light is its purpose
it exists in its purpose
how i long for its warmth
time to change from my skin to my feather
never said no bug
it just took the time to build its house
how i love to see it fly
oh no i must burst forth my color
never said no flower
it just bent with the wind and released from within
the purple of the flower is my pleasure
the sounds of the ocean do no wait for an audience
they display majesty for simple perfection of design
how i am softened by the whisper of salt water
the trees so tall and very large
they didn't become that way without reason
they are alive in and out of season
the things a tree can make me feel with one touch of it's greatness
The eyes of others cannot disguise
i am deeply cut or highly healed through the contents of a living lens
the power of light doesn't shine in , its shines out
darkness is a state
in which i am no longer in
my lens are reflecting and life is at begin
come , come and raise your hand
its ok to learn but not to stand
agreement the power cord of a crowd
i still get goose bumps when this is breathing
spirit is leading not deceiving
darkness is the lie
God has called us to rise like the sun,
let the colors of your creation come through
transform like the caterpillar
worship like the ocean
stand strong and tall like the trees
let our eyes reflect the light and most of all
stand in agreement that God is ....
Kids Might of Out Smarted Us
My kids. Jade who is 11 and Tj who is 6. They are busting at the seams with unstoppable energy. I must nurture my body with food and sleep to keep up with these two. If I don't get a good night's sleep the next day my kids will basically torture me with non stop questions. I love them so much but sometimes my nerves can get a little whacked. I am not a perfect person in front of my kids and I use all situations in life as an opportunity to point them to Jesus. What really rocks my socks off is when Jesus uses my children to point me back to him. God has shown up in so many different ways. Every time I see something familiar he makes it new again by talking to me through it. Yes he is a very creative God.
My kids might out of smarted us adults recently and they never even realized it. When they are outside all day running around the neighborhood with the other 9 children who close by , they are turned up. I remember those days. Running wild and free. Riding bikes, climbing trees. I can chill on the couch for hours sometimes as they run in and out of the house all day. As long as my yes' are yes' I will hardly see them. Problem is when my answer is no. When my kids hear no, they start the long process of begging that turns into bugging. But why ?? What makes you say no ?? Please ? I promise ? Man oh man sometimes for me it is just easier to say yes. As soon as they get that answer yes, they are gone, out the door. Off with lightening speed to do what they requested.
How many times do we sit around and keep asking God for something he has already said yes too. Begging and bugging Him about the same thing over and over , yet His answer is yes. Kids have out smarted us because they are innocent just enough to know that yes means go , do it. As grown ups we have become comfortable with the result of the no answer. Sitting around waiting, longing, begging, complaining, crying. It has become a breeding ground for laziness. Kids are eager with energy. They are hanging on a cliff waiting for someone to say Go !
Mom can I ride my bike around the block ? Yes Jade. Instantly she is out the door on her bike . Hey I want to start a ministry one day. You want to feed homeless people ?? What are you waiting for? Pack some lunches and go find a homeless guy, and feed him. God said yes and now you should "GO"! Mom can I run in the sprinklers ? Yes Tj go for it, before I even have a chance to grab the sunscreen he is outside completely wet. Okay so you want to start a support group for porn addicts, what are you waiting for ? Invite some people over and share your story, tell them your struggle and how you confess it and you rebuke it. What are you waiting for ? Go, do it.
I am coming into a place where I find myself feeling silly for asking God to bless my day. The answer is yes and he has already said to me Go. I am so deeply involved in my relationship with Christ in my thoughts that every second of every day feels like the fast lane of yes and go and amens. If something is in my way i declare it moved , because the answer is already been given and it is yes. I have seen supernatural power in the last few weeks at an all time high. Rainy clouds disappearing, housing presenting itself, gas mileage increased. Just crazy weird miracles and it is all because i am responding to God's yes the same way my kids do for my yes'.
2 Corinthians 3
3 Are we beginning to commend ourselves again ? Or do we need like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you ? 2 You yourselves are our letter written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. 3 You show that you are a a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tables of stone but on the tables of human hearts.
4 The confidence we have through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but competences comes from God. 6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant- not of the letter but of the Spirit, for the letters kills but the Spirit gives life.
Our first responsibility to ourselves is to just admit God is on our side and sometimes our own laziness can play a trick in our thoughts and make us respond to one of God's Yes' as if it were a No. I had to admit this when it comes to my weight. I am unhappy about my physical weight. I pray and prayed for years. God's answer was already yes. Of course he wants for me a healthy body and mind and spirit and soul. He wants me to be my best. I was too lazy to acknowledge that His yes wasn't being delayed and that all I had to do was get up and move....
WE are not perfect. No one expects that from you. In this world I worship the only one who is perfect, Jesus. His plan for you is to give you Life and life abundantly. Break out of your shell. Time to expose to everyone who you are. You are a walking letter being read by everyone whether you want to be heard or not. Speak up and open up. Let the world see your heart , your mind. Tell your story so that Christ may be found by others. He is so creative , such an author. He will surprise you with just how important your role is. Unique and highly effective. I am going and getting on my bike ... I am going to jump in with two feet and rebuke my own laziness. I want you to come with me.. let's Go. Lets do this.
My kids might out of smarted us adults recently and they never even realized it. When they are outside all day running around the neighborhood with the other 9 children who close by , they are turned up. I remember those days. Running wild and free. Riding bikes, climbing trees. I can chill on the couch for hours sometimes as they run in and out of the house all day. As long as my yes' are yes' I will hardly see them. Problem is when my answer is no. When my kids hear no, they start the long process of begging that turns into bugging. But why ?? What makes you say no ?? Please ? I promise ? Man oh man sometimes for me it is just easier to say yes. As soon as they get that answer yes, they are gone, out the door. Off with lightening speed to do what they requested.
How many times do we sit around and keep asking God for something he has already said yes too. Begging and bugging Him about the same thing over and over , yet His answer is yes. Kids have out smarted us because they are innocent just enough to know that yes means go , do it. As grown ups we have become comfortable with the result of the no answer. Sitting around waiting, longing, begging, complaining, crying. It has become a breeding ground for laziness. Kids are eager with energy. They are hanging on a cliff waiting for someone to say Go !
Mom can I ride my bike around the block ? Yes Jade. Instantly she is out the door on her bike . Hey I want to start a ministry one day. You want to feed homeless people ?? What are you waiting for? Pack some lunches and go find a homeless guy, and feed him. God said yes and now you should "GO"! Mom can I run in the sprinklers ? Yes Tj go for it, before I even have a chance to grab the sunscreen he is outside completely wet. Okay so you want to start a support group for porn addicts, what are you waiting for ? Invite some people over and share your story, tell them your struggle and how you confess it and you rebuke it. What are you waiting for ? Go, do it.
I am coming into a place where I find myself feeling silly for asking God to bless my day. The answer is yes and he has already said to me Go. I am so deeply involved in my relationship with Christ in my thoughts that every second of every day feels like the fast lane of yes and go and amens. If something is in my way i declare it moved , because the answer is already been given and it is yes. I have seen supernatural power in the last few weeks at an all time high. Rainy clouds disappearing, housing presenting itself, gas mileage increased. Just crazy weird miracles and it is all because i am responding to God's yes the same way my kids do for my yes'.
2 Corinthians 3
3 Are we beginning to commend ourselves again ? Or do we need like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you ? 2 You yourselves are our letter written on our hearts, known and read by everyone. 3 You show that you are a a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tables of stone but on the tables of human hearts.
4 The confidence we have through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but competences comes from God. 6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant- not of the letter but of the Spirit, for the letters kills but the Spirit gives life.
Our first responsibility to ourselves is to just admit God is on our side and sometimes our own laziness can play a trick in our thoughts and make us respond to one of God's Yes' as if it were a No. I had to admit this when it comes to my weight. I am unhappy about my physical weight. I pray and prayed for years. God's answer was already yes. Of course he wants for me a healthy body and mind and spirit and soul. He wants me to be my best. I was too lazy to acknowledge that His yes wasn't being delayed and that all I had to do was get up and move....
WE are not perfect. No one expects that from you. In this world I worship the only one who is perfect, Jesus. His plan for you is to give you Life and life abundantly. Break out of your shell. Time to expose to everyone who you are. You are a walking letter being read by everyone whether you want to be heard or not. Speak up and open up. Let the world see your heart , your mind. Tell your story so that Christ may be found by others. He is so creative , such an author. He will surprise you with just how important your role is. Unique and highly effective. I am going and getting on my bike ... I am going to jump in with two feet and rebuke my own laziness. I want you to come with me.. let's Go. Lets do this.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
What your walking out labels you ?
Labels ? They have been at the center of arguments for ages. Labels that people place upon others, upon situations. Labels set in a pre determined thought of what to expect and what to wait for. Like many of the people in this world have come to hate labels. Do not label me, do not think you know me that well.
All that changed last night. I saw something in someone who shared their heart and my perception of labels have changed. Labels aren't that bad. They tell you what is contained, delivered and available. They tell you of warnings and cautions. Sometimes these things are helpful and needed. To recognize the fruit of someone or a situation is gift of discernment. Why not appreciate it instead of rebel against it. Of course we only rebel against it when it is revealing our own character in an unattractive light . (People, we are such a trip!!)
A man named Shawn Borelli quoted this last night "When you walk in love you become a giver". Several years ago I would taken this statement and argued it because i would immediately assume he was speaking of material items, most likely money. I once had a love for money that ran so deep that it made me deny even the truth of the word if it required me giving something away. I was delivered from the twisted fleshy disease in my bathroom while in the tub thinking I was about to have a heart attack. It took God many years to work it out of me , but thank goodness he is the type of God who does take the time to work it out without forcing us, beating us or punishing us. He is so merciful.
Last night when I heard Shawn say this I experienced it in such a new light. I no longer felt a need to defend my position over my money. I was free to hear the words without a label. I was free to identify the real label. God's label. A giver . A giver of Life. When we walk in love we become a giver , God allowed me to see the entire heavenly reality of this statement.. When we walk in love we become a giver, a giver of life. I want this label. I want God to smack that all over me , again and again. What an Honor to know that by simply walking in love and obeying what he asks, we become a giver of life. Our words, our actions, our gifts, even our money becomes bigger than just some item or some paper , it becomes the vine. It becomes living water. It becomes that seed.
Seems so simple this concept especially for me who is a seasoned believer. Yet I am experiencing it for the first time with better sight. I was not labeled by my flesh and it felt so good. It feels so good. I know I have had my heart washed and cleansed by the Savior. It still has a ways to go but Praise God that I can see my own growth and can celebrate in a deeper quieter way. I find value in my own life . This is a good thing. I am standing in agreement with my Lord that I matter . I am important. I am a giver. And because I walk in the love of Jesus , I am more than a giver of money , time, items, I am a giver of life. It is God that takes the things I am willing to give and supernaturally touches them and life on the receiving end is enhanced, encouraged, uplifted, sang over, adored, honored, and healed.
All that changed last night. I saw something in someone who shared their heart and my perception of labels have changed. Labels aren't that bad. They tell you what is contained, delivered and available. They tell you of warnings and cautions. Sometimes these things are helpful and needed. To recognize the fruit of someone or a situation is gift of discernment. Why not appreciate it instead of rebel against it. Of course we only rebel against it when it is revealing our own character in an unattractive light . (People, we are such a trip!!)
A man named Shawn Borelli quoted this last night "When you walk in love you become a giver". Several years ago I would taken this statement and argued it because i would immediately assume he was speaking of material items, most likely money. I once had a love for money that ran so deep that it made me deny even the truth of the word if it required me giving something away. I was delivered from the twisted fleshy disease in my bathroom while in the tub thinking I was about to have a heart attack. It took God many years to work it out of me , but thank goodness he is the type of God who does take the time to work it out without forcing us, beating us or punishing us. He is so merciful.
Last night when I heard Shawn say this I experienced it in such a new light. I no longer felt a need to defend my position over my money. I was free to hear the words without a label. I was free to identify the real label. God's label. A giver . A giver of Life. When we walk in love we become a giver , God allowed me to see the entire heavenly reality of this statement.. When we walk in love we become a giver, a giver of life. I want this label. I want God to smack that all over me , again and again. What an Honor to know that by simply walking in love and obeying what he asks, we become a giver of life. Our words, our actions, our gifts, even our money becomes bigger than just some item or some paper , it becomes the vine. It becomes living water. It becomes that seed.
Seems so simple this concept especially for me who is a seasoned believer. Yet I am experiencing it for the first time with better sight. I was not labeled by my flesh and it felt so good. It feels so good. I know I have had my heart washed and cleansed by the Savior. It still has a ways to go but Praise God that I can see my own growth and can celebrate in a deeper quieter way. I find value in my own life . This is a good thing. I am standing in agreement with my Lord that I matter . I am important. I am a giver. And because I walk in the love of Jesus , I am more than a giver of money , time, items, I am a giver of life. It is God that takes the things I am willing to give and supernaturally touches them and life on the receiving end is enhanced, encouraged, uplifted, sang over, adored, honored, and healed.
Friday, June 20, 2014
The Flower That Could
the cement is long and goes on and on
house after house, block after block
the cement is long and goes on and on
the smell of the lives lost lingers in the ground
the waste of the people lost, leaves smells
the tears they mourn because they cannot even cry
hopeless is after the last tear
the ones who own keys to the doors that line the cement
they unable to see the dirt that has become a home
this place is what gives him the ability to own
a place for his waste
we all have a reason to look away
that's just today
but if we look really hard at not searching~~ through looking....
breathing is an act of opening up and taking in
turn your eyes into your lungs and begin within
there are so many flowers all around
flowers that come up over night just like people in the chance
what has a more beauty a flower or a person
could it be they relate to the other's soul
one helping the other to not feel so old
what if we could be the flower that could
even though the cement is long , the flower finds a crack
it pushes up thru the smallest opportunity
to blossom it's beauty, in the length of on and on
yet its green hums and it's color sings
a different tune than the smell of the land
if a soul were to be a flower
we wouldn't count the keys of the doors that line the street
we would push pass the keys and find the heart
the original birth of the key in the door
the flower that could is sometimes weak
but with just enough time it gains strength
it never rushes itself into panic
it knows its purpose and with caution never abandons
the flower that could brings with it invite to life
never alone and rich in price
valued and adored by all who know
the miracle of a Son that allowed her to grow
the flower that could lives its entire life with a purpose
sometimes the purpose is not the celebration
the beauty of flower has encouraged
has found itself on stage
and because of its simple beauty
i shall not be afraid
but yet i shall be like it
put my feet in the dirt and take a grip
I am the flower that could
house after house, block after block
the cement is long and goes on and on
the smell of the lives lost lingers in the ground
the waste of the people lost, leaves smells
the tears they mourn because they cannot even cry
hopeless is after the last tear
the ones who own keys to the doors that line the cement
they unable to see the dirt that has become a home
this place is what gives him the ability to own
a place for his waste
we all have a reason to look away
that's just today
but if we look really hard at not searching~~ through looking....
breathing is an act of opening up and taking in
turn your eyes into your lungs and begin within
there are so many flowers all around
flowers that come up over night just like people in the chance
what has a more beauty a flower or a person
could it be they relate to the other's soul
one helping the other to not feel so old
what if we could be the flower that could
even though the cement is long , the flower finds a crack
it pushes up thru the smallest opportunity
to blossom it's beauty, in the length of on and on
yet its green hums and it's color sings
a different tune than the smell of the land
if a soul were to be a flower
we wouldn't count the keys of the doors that line the street
we would push pass the keys and find the heart
the original birth of the key in the door
the flower that could is sometimes weak
but with just enough time it gains strength
it never rushes itself into panic
it knows its purpose and with caution never abandons
the flower that could brings with it invite to life
never alone and rich in price
valued and adored by all who know
the miracle of a Son that allowed her to grow
the flower that could lives its entire life with a purpose
sometimes the purpose is not the celebration
the beauty of flower has encouraged
has found itself on stage
and because of its simple beauty
i shall not be afraid
but yet i shall be like it
put my feet in the dirt and take a grip
I am the flower that could
So Easy to Judge
Praise God ! My computer is doing well. I have missed blogging. Not sure where to start. So much has been going on that I want to run back and write about. I have been learning alot lately. It seems as if my perspective has changed once again. My life is a class room. God is using my entire reality to speak. It is so amusing. I could spend all day by myself and never feel alone. God is so ever present. He is speaking. This I know. He is speaking to His People. If you pay attention folks are hearing and speaking about HIM> Praise God.
What I will write about is my God diagnosis of judging. I am guilty. I have always had compassion for the unloved, unwanted, ugly, mean, lost people of this world. I was using this gift as my own little trophy for being a good Christian. Wow. I was only trying to wear my gift in the flesh and that right there was the complete opposite of operating in the gift. Although I do realize that the steps through that tunnel were divine as well. If we can't identify the problem we can't fix it. God has clearly identified the problem and now together we can change it. I judge people. I judged that if you were doing worse than me I would help you. If no one else would , I would. I judged the people that placed themselves above me. Maybe I was the one who placed them above me, according to money, social circles, status. Either way it was upon my judgment.
In recent events I found myself judging a couple that I know from church and my husband knows from work. I was finding myself feeling irritated by them even though they are not apart of my life. How could they expect so much for so little. They have earned none of this. They should just be grateful . Walking around irritated by the blessings they are receiving and the joy in which they celebrate ? Really , Julie? (Yes I speak. or type to myself) That is what the Spirit convicted me of. He said to me Julie, You missed it. I missed the mark. I missed the Glory of the Story. I missed my own dose of Joy in seeing an absolute undeniable act of God. It is true they are getting more than they deserve, but so am I. According to the Glory of Grace we all are. Shame on me for sacrificing the joy of the Lord so I could judge some one's joy. I compared their joy to their effort and I found them guilty ,of coming up short in the effort department. Lord forgive me. Open my eyes so that I may see. I accept the things that will come out of me will be unclean and ugly just like this was... But praise God that you have not left me this way~ So I back off the judging and suddenly I am not irritated anymore. Thank you Lord.
The amount of Spiritual growth that has taken place in my life recently has increased my value in the simple things. I am finding peace in a long day . I am not panicking about things as much. I am increasing in self control. I am lifting my heart higher than my hands as an act of worship and the first things i lifted up the Lord were my hands. I now lift both hands and heart. I am excited for the next chapter in this journey of ours as we prepare to leave for PA. I am closer than I was but yet still a long way to go. I am a work in progress.
What I will write about is my God diagnosis of judging. I am guilty. I have always had compassion for the unloved, unwanted, ugly, mean, lost people of this world. I was using this gift as my own little trophy for being a good Christian. Wow. I was only trying to wear my gift in the flesh and that right there was the complete opposite of operating in the gift. Although I do realize that the steps through that tunnel were divine as well. If we can't identify the problem we can't fix it. God has clearly identified the problem and now together we can change it. I judge people. I judged that if you were doing worse than me I would help you. If no one else would , I would. I judged the people that placed themselves above me. Maybe I was the one who placed them above me, according to money, social circles, status. Either way it was upon my judgment.
In recent events I found myself judging a couple that I know from church and my husband knows from work. I was finding myself feeling irritated by them even though they are not apart of my life. How could they expect so much for so little. They have earned none of this. They should just be grateful . Walking around irritated by the blessings they are receiving and the joy in which they celebrate ? Really , Julie? (Yes I speak. or type to myself) That is what the Spirit convicted me of. He said to me Julie, You missed it. I missed the mark. I missed the Glory of the Story. I missed my own dose of Joy in seeing an absolute undeniable act of God. It is true they are getting more than they deserve, but so am I. According to the Glory of Grace we all are. Shame on me for sacrificing the joy of the Lord so I could judge some one's joy. I compared their joy to their effort and I found them guilty ,of coming up short in the effort department. Lord forgive me. Open my eyes so that I may see. I accept the things that will come out of me will be unclean and ugly just like this was... But praise God that you have not left me this way~ So I back off the judging and suddenly I am not irritated anymore. Thank you Lord.
The amount of Spiritual growth that has taken place in my life recently has increased my value in the simple things. I am finding peace in a long day . I am not panicking about things as much. I am increasing in self control. I am lifting my heart higher than my hands as an act of worship and the first things i lifted up the Lord were my hands. I now lift both hands and heart. I am excited for the next chapter in this journey of ours as we prepare to leave for PA. I am closer than I was but yet still a long way to go. I am a work in progress.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Me finding my frame once again.
Life has changed for me. I like the changes. I am not completely perfect, but I do know that perfection happens upon completion and for me I am not yet complete. I wont be until God has called me home. I used to struggle with the concept of death but recently I have come to a place where my struggle has been more with living than dying. I want to live the loudest I can. I have been limiting myself. I am surprised at how much I deny myself because deep down inside I feel like I should be contiously punished. I totally don't understand myself . I am so loving and caring towards others but so mean to myself. This used to be my truth but no longer. I love who I have become in Christ. I am not ashamed of the fact that I am blessed. I want to once again reveal my beauty in my frame. This used to scare me. I used to find comfort in my weight. I didn't have to worry about the temptation of flesh because no one wanted me. I don't like me in the over weight view. I am so fashionable that my when my weight chooses the outfit instead of me I get angry and depressed. I am tired of hiding behind angry and depressed. I feel the beauty of God and His image of me inside,,, I want so desperately the discipline to let it shine inwardly and outwardly. 'when I was young and so attractive I was seduced by every pervert in town. I don't hold myself accountable for the encounters. I was a child who was abused and led astray without a voice of reason or wisdom in my life. I was a victim then. my youth and beauty were the line and bait for every sicko on earth.. no one told me or talked to me. Things have changed. I have been schooled by my savior. I want my beauty back so that I can wear it differently this time. I don't have to hide behind my weight anymore. I am mature enough to walk around in my frame and resist the evil howls from the young perverts. I can handle it now I believe. I want my frame back. I want to show the world my fashion without revealing my depression. I want my frame back. I want to wake up and feel the slender in my waist and the giant in my spirit. In my struggle to overcome I lost myself physically. My soul is whole. For me it is time to find my frame again.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
My Best Friend ~
God the father
God the son
God the spirit
First moment of aw for me is how your 3
3 in 1 yet Jesus was the one to come
As he leaves your spirit comes and relieves
the ache of his place, his spirit covers all space
God is Holy and to be worshiped
I laid my head in the water on purpose
as an act of worship to the highest of my Lord
God the father, I truly adore
Something about the Jesus I read in the book
that made me change the way i see , mostly the way i look
See the world through his eyes , perception changed , we don't really die
We come to life in his blood, all the dead being unsaid and undone
His words are living water, making us sons and daughters
For me it is simple you see
His Spirit is truly apart of me, I can feel him freely.
His comfort is at my beck and call as if Im so important he misses nothing at all
A little kinda crazy he makes me feel when I see him loving on me in my ugly real
I think to myself, i didn't even pray about this yet you know what i felt
his so gentle with me ,he makes my heart melt
my feet get weak, my tears get heavy in value as i release to you my marrow
of whats in the creep of my deepest deep.
im scared there.
your my friend. I can't find anything wrong to say to you, no matter what you stay true
i wake up and your by my side, even though i doubted you when i cried
i wasn't sure if you were even real, my pain was such a big deal
if that was me i would of been mad but for you it just made you sad
you never want to limit your love , limit your power
But i put up these silly little towers
but my friend is more loyal than any other
he doesn't knock down my walls, we do it together
Sometimes i can feel his spirit actually hugging me, it usually involves a breeze, grass and a tree
Best friend without a prayer, even if i don';t talk , your there
Holy Spirit you never stay away, some of places i have taken you~
You send me love, and speak so clearly, i have become so in love ~dearly
i can't stop thinking of you and what your about to do
so subtle that you live your Glory through your people
so strong you can't deny your our God
you have created for us a living thought of existence in who you are
you made us shiny and then gave us the stars
The nature of things all around will respond to my ups and downs
for i have the life force to create even when I am in my mistakes
so i take my breath a little more serious and begin to live more curious
about the things of You. Speaking up and doing what it really takes to get through
Sparing no real truth because i am now afraid of the who of who i was once was
Holy Spirit, my Best Friend
I love you. I have found peace in you.
I have enjoyed our days together.
I have enjoyed your version of the weather.
You make me laugh with how you can talk to me in a chicken or a giraffe. So to say,
You have showed up in some really neat ways and brighten many many days.
I am so glad that i have you.
I can't imagine life with out you
The little parts that i know to be true
are just a glimpse of the true you
so much more yet still to come
i love the joy you have put in me
i love the freedom of how i see
i am me and you I AM
together we are the story you created
Be as of me
and live in my plan
We are a team, you being the reason why i win
that's the joy of your love
despite what comes out of me
God is there cleansing me free through the Blood
I love my Best Friend
God the son
God the spirit
First moment of aw for me is how your 3
3 in 1 yet Jesus was the one to come
As he leaves your spirit comes and relieves
the ache of his place, his spirit covers all space
God is Holy and to be worshiped
I laid my head in the water on purpose
as an act of worship to the highest of my Lord
God the father, I truly adore
Something about the Jesus I read in the book
that made me change the way i see , mostly the way i look
See the world through his eyes , perception changed , we don't really die
We come to life in his blood, all the dead being unsaid and undone
His words are living water, making us sons and daughters
For me it is simple you see
His Spirit is truly apart of me, I can feel him freely.
His comfort is at my beck and call as if Im so important he misses nothing at all
A little kinda crazy he makes me feel when I see him loving on me in my ugly real
I think to myself, i didn't even pray about this yet you know what i felt
his so gentle with me ,he makes my heart melt
my feet get weak, my tears get heavy in value as i release to you my marrow
of whats in the creep of my deepest deep.
im scared there.
your my friend. I can't find anything wrong to say to you, no matter what you stay true
i wake up and your by my side, even though i doubted you when i cried
i wasn't sure if you were even real, my pain was such a big deal
if that was me i would of been mad but for you it just made you sad
you never want to limit your love , limit your power
But i put up these silly little towers
but my friend is more loyal than any other
he doesn't knock down my walls, we do it together
Sometimes i can feel his spirit actually hugging me, it usually involves a breeze, grass and a tree
Best friend without a prayer, even if i don';t talk , your there
Holy Spirit you never stay away, some of places i have taken you~
You send me love, and speak so clearly, i have become so in love ~dearly
i can't stop thinking of you and what your about to do
so subtle that you live your Glory through your people
so strong you can't deny your our God
you have created for us a living thought of existence in who you are
you made us shiny and then gave us the stars
The nature of things all around will respond to my ups and downs
for i have the life force to create even when I am in my mistakes
so i take my breath a little more serious and begin to live more curious
about the things of You. Speaking up and doing what it really takes to get through
Sparing no real truth because i am now afraid of the who of who i was once was
Holy Spirit, my Best Friend
I love you. I have found peace in you.
I have enjoyed our days together.
I have enjoyed your version of the weather.
You make me laugh with how you can talk to me in a chicken or a giraffe. So to say,
You have showed up in some really neat ways and brighten many many days.
I am so glad that i have you.
I can't imagine life with out you
The little parts that i know to be true
are just a glimpse of the true you
so much more yet still to come
i love the joy you have put in me
i love the freedom of how i see
i am me and you I AM
together we are the story you created
Be as of me
and live in my plan
We are a team, you being the reason why i win
that's the joy of your love
despite what comes out of me
God is there cleansing me free through the Blood
I love my Best Friend
Friday, March 7, 2014
Devil Tried to Make Fun of Me
Recently I have been getting alot of buzz around town so to say. Friends of mine telling me how they are running into people from our church and some from other churches who have asked about me or mentioned my name in some sort of way. This one particular story kinda was working at me from the inside. It was shared with me and now slowly it was trying to penetrate my heart and my spirit and bring feelings of rejection, embarrassment, shame. I had to consciously sit down and rework my thought process in order to not let it continue laughing at me. Someone who knows me for my testimony made some silly remarks about how everyone knows me and my testimony. They hinted around as if they wanted to dig deeper into the smug undertone but the girl who they were speaking to is a dear friend of mine. She shut that down immediatly. It hurt my feelings that someone would take my testimony and make fun of me . They would knock down my effort to Glorify the same God she says she loves. Then it started eating at me , maybe i do sound like a fool. Maybe my testimony really does just make me look bad. Maybe my testimony isn't really about God but about tearing myself down. I had to stop. I had to refocus. I decided to walk away from the entire thing with the conclusion that if what I am known for is my testimony then Praise God. When I get to heaven Jesus will say good job Julie. I was a dramatic rescue from sin. The depths of sin that I was sinking in called for some of Jesus' supernatural stuff to save me. And boy did he. I still can remember so many different supernatural events that I have seen in my life. These precious moments of time where the reality of Jesus and Heaven existed right here in my physical life. The Lord used this woman to speak over my life one day a few years back about how my testimony would be known by many and that i was called to share my story and that everything i have ever went through was training.
Back in the younger years when pagers were the popular thing I had successfully created a language using numbers to use with my crew. Even though I no longer use pagers or the numbers with anyone the Lord has begun to use my number language to communicate with me. He knows what those numbers mean to me. In fact I have always always loved the number 7-God's number. In fact he allowed Tony and I to meet and be married on 07-07-07 at 7pm on the 7th day of the week. 381 is a very important number. It means I love you. Three words, eight letters , one meaning. Often times as I read scripture some of the most life changing ones have the numbers 381 in them some how some way. It is our love language.
I have a friend at church who touched my heart when speaking of the Break Through Center on Sunday morning as I was working the info desk. I feeling kinda down about the above referenced conversation about me and my testimony, so I decided that I would just finally go. After hearing about this place for so long it is time for me to go. So I did. I followed my friend over and spent the morning. Needless to say I was touched at the heart of the people who are running this . Very passionate about giving. The heart of Jesus is alive and well. As I settled and watched the people coming in I pondered in my mind who they were and what was thier story . I stayed kinda quiet not sure of how to fit in. I was just taking in the whole picture so that I can learn the ropes. I plan on going back as much as I can. To serve. After a while the group of people were called for devotional. All the people sitting around sipping coffee and eating donuts and fruit were in a circle. The lady who led the devotional was very sweet. She prayed and asked Holy spirit to take lead, and boy did he ever. She had two books to read from . She read aloud the devotionals of some very good books. She then began to share how the Lord had given her a word for that particular moment and that she knew clear as day the word was " testimony". My heart jumped from my chest. I knew why I was there. That was the Lord speaking to my heart saying yes your testimony is needed. In this place it will have the annoiting to speak right into the hearts that were there. My testimony is not about me but about my God. I finally realized it was the devil trying to make fun of me about my testimony so that I would stop sharing it. No !! But God can take my shame and turn it into His Glory because look at me now. Look at me now. I am a successful woman of God. Every need met, every good thing in my life as he has promised us all. I have no indication of my past written on my face. He has taken years off my soul through the redeeming of time. He redeemed my name sake.
When it was time for me to leave I didn't want to go. I quietly slipped out the door as the people stopped to sit back out in the coffee shop area to have lunch. I was on my way home to get Tony up for work and cook him breakfast and fix his lunch and dinner for the day. As I got in my car my heart was still kinda racing. I knew I had just experienced a divine appoointment. I can't say for sure who but that testimony was meant for someone in that room. That the words spoken out of my mouth about what God has done for me spoke directly into the life of someone who is where I used to be. I was so tense with excitment. Then in one swoop the Lord reached down from the heavens and a peach colored fancy pretty car pulled in front of me and the license plate read this (i dont remember the letters) 3 letters and the the fours numbers ~ 7381
I gasped in the air and rolled my eyes to the skies and said I love you too Jesus !!! He made sure he let me know that what just happened was a God moment and he was proud of me for telling my truth. I wrote this piece as an altar. So I will always remember.
Back in the younger years when pagers were the popular thing I had successfully created a language using numbers to use with my crew. Even though I no longer use pagers or the numbers with anyone the Lord has begun to use my number language to communicate with me. He knows what those numbers mean to me. In fact I have always always loved the number 7-God's number. In fact he allowed Tony and I to meet and be married on 07-07-07 at 7pm on the 7th day of the week. 381 is a very important number. It means I love you. Three words, eight letters , one meaning. Often times as I read scripture some of the most life changing ones have the numbers 381 in them some how some way. It is our love language.
I have a friend at church who touched my heart when speaking of the Break Through Center on Sunday morning as I was working the info desk. I feeling kinda down about the above referenced conversation about me and my testimony, so I decided that I would just finally go. After hearing about this place for so long it is time for me to go. So I did. I followed my friend over and spent the morning. Needless to say I was touched at the heart of the people who are running this . Very passionate about giving. The heart of Jesus is alive and well. As I settled and watched the people coming in I pondered in my mind who they were and what was thier story . I stayed kinda quiet not sure of how to fit in. I was just taking in the whole picture so that I can learn the ropes. I plan on going back as much as I can. To serve. After a while the group of people were called for devotional. All the people sitting around sipping coffee and eating donuts and fruit were in a circle. The lady who led the devotional was very sweet. She prayed and asked Holy spirit to take lead, and boy did he ever. She had two books to read from . She read aloud the devotionals of some very good books. She then began to share how the Lord had given her a word for that particular moment and that she knew clear as day the word was " testimony". My heart jumped from my chest. I knew why I was there. That was the Lord speaking to my heart saying yes your testimony is needed. In this place it will have the annoiting to speak right into the hearts that were there. My testimony is not about me but about my God. I finally realized it was the devil trying to make fun of me about my testimony so that I would stop sharing it. No !! But God can take my shame and turn it into His Glory because look at me now. Look at me now. I am a successful woman of God. Every need met, every good thing in my life as he has promised us all. I have no indication of my past written on my face. He has taken years off my soul through the redeeming of time. He redeemed my name sake.
When it was time for me to leave I didn't want to go. I quietly slipped out the door as the people stopped to sit back out in the coffee shop area to have lunch. I was on my way home to get Tony up for work and cook him breakfast and fix his lunch and dinner for the day. As I got in my car my heart was still kinda racing. I knew I had just experienced a divine appoointment. I can't say for sure who but that testimony was meant for someone in that room. That the words spoken out of my mouth about what God has done for me spoke directly into the life of someone who is where I used to be. I was so tense with excitment. Then in one swoop the Lord reached down from the heavens and a peach colored fancy pretty car pulled in front of me and the license plate read this (i dont remember the letters) 3 letters and the the fours numbers ~ 7381
I gasped in the air and rolled my eyes to the skies and said I love you too Jesus !!! He made sure he let me know that what just happened was a God moment and he was proud of me for telling my truth. I wrote this piece as an altar. So I will always remember.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Engaging
What does it mean to engage ? Life is happening all around me. I am still in my search for sleep. I lay there and do nothing . I lay there thinking of all the things that need to be done. I become more uncomfortable as the surroundings become disorganized and dirty. I have no energy , only worry. I have no motivation , just overwhelming desire to sit and watch dysfunctional people on reality tv. I am ready to toss up my hands and say forget it.
Time is going by so fast. Kids are growing up. Parents are getting older. I want to slow down and stop wasting time. I want to be the best parent. I want to have meaningful relationships in my community. I want all these things yet I have none. What is it that I am missing. I feel like a stick shift in neatureal who being pushed around by my own weight. where are my gears ??
I spent a long time in this cycle of mental defeat. I didn't have any real great near death experience this time. It simply got too loud.
Quiet has returned to me, time to go and engage in what is , my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UpDate ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I go back and read some of the things I have written and never shared, I find myself thankful. I am thankful that the gift of writing has helped someone. The someone is me. I remember when the subject of writing surfaced back in a bible class at my church things were still kinda low for me. I was finally comfortable in my role as a wife and mother. Outside of that I really struggled to know who I was. The moment I would get free time it would be as if I would instantly want to do something unhealthy like eat out , smoke, drink, listen to hard core music. I really wrote the above piece in a moment where I didn't think about what i was writing, Iwas writing to release.
PRAISE GOD
It has been awhile since things have been that way. Upon the creation of Writer's Lounge writing has stayed a point of focus. I have changed so much . It 's been about a year or so and my life is completely different. I no longer find myself watching TV . I am living life from a different place. I am engaged. I find myself taking less pictures. I don't carry my cell phone everywhere I go. I am active with my kids..I have realized that my kids are really awesome people. I have invested time in several relationships with great people in my church,so I have friendship and fellowship all around me. I have been volunteering whenever I can at my church and my kids school. . I am excercising. I am eating healthy . I am praying alot more. I am writing. I am witnessing people's beauty. Everything around me is alive. I can see my Lord's touch in all the things that entertain my attention. He is a genuis and his ideas are living and so are mine. I am not thinking anymore , I am doing. I have victory and for me the nudge was the writing. I share this with you today to share my gift of healing that has come through writing. I encourage you to find the time to appreciate your own writing. If your true to the reason your writing, then the words will always be true to you. Personalities are developed in a writer's touch and we begin to appreciate the identity of each other in a more intimate way. Sometimes we can begin to appreciate our own stories in a deep place. It is well with my soul.
Time is going by so fast. Kids are growing up. Parents are getting older. I want to slow down and stop wasting time. I want to be the best parent. I want to have meaningful relationships in my community. I want all these things yet I have none. What is it that I am missing. I feel like a stick shift in neatureal who being pushed around by my own weight. where are my gears ??
I spent a long time in this cycle of mental defeat. I didn't have any real great near death experience this time. It simply got too loud.
Quiet has returned to me, time to go and engage in what is , my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UpDate ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I go back and read some of the things I have written and never shared, I find myself thankful. I am thankful that the gift of writing has helped someone. The someone is me. I remember when the subject of writing surfaced back in a bible class at my church things were still kinda low for me. I was finally comfortable in my role as a wife and mother. Outside of that I really struggled to know who I was. The moment I would get free time it would be as if I would instantly want to do something unhealthy like eat out , smoke, drink, listen to hard core music. I really wrote the above piece in a moment where I didn't think about what i was writing, Iwas writing to release.
PRAISE GOD
It has been awhile since things have been that way. Upon the creation of Writer's Lounge writing has stayed a point of focus. I have changed so much . It 's been about a year or so and my life is completely different. I no longer find myself watching TV . I am living life from a different place. I am engaged. I find myself taking less pictures. I don't carry my cell phone everywhere I go. I am active with my kids..I have realized that my kids are really awesome people. I have invested time in several relationships with great people in my church,so I have friendship and fellowship all around me. I have been volunteering whenever I can at my church and my kids school. . I am excercising. I am eating healthy . I am praying alot more. I am writing. I am witnessing people's beauty. Everything around me is alive. I can see my Lord's touch in all the things that entertain my attention. He is a genuis and his ideas are living and so are mine. I am not thinking anymore , I am doing. I have victory and for me the nudge was the writing. I share this with you today to share my gift of healing that has come through writing. I encourage you to find the time to appreciate your own writing. If your true to the reason your writing, then the words will always be true to you. Personalities are developed in a writer's touch and we begin to appreciate the identity of each other in a more intimate way. Sometimes we can begin to appreciate our own stories in a deep place. It is well with my soul.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
She Found Radiance
There is a girl I know. Really she is not a girl but a full grown woman. She is soft in her effort to stand out yet she does stand out. She is little in her frame but when she speaks her voice carries a mightyness to it. She is soft spoken yet her poetry she reads is so full of things unexpected. She has been through the valley of rage yet her hands are gentle in all the things she does.
The woman and me once had a chance to sit and have coffee. She shared with me her wants. She wants what we all want. Her desire is to find a time to shine. Don't we all desire this ? I know I do. There is so much inside of her that has been created to benefit other people other than herself. Yet she says to me to not share what she has told. Out of respect I keep her desires to myself.
Time was going by and each day she seemed to be getting smaller . Her face was slowly loosing it's fullness and her clothes began to wiggle more in the breeze than before. She had eyes as big as ripe fruit yet she had little say. I knew what she was walking through. She was fasting and seeking the Lord. She was going to the thrown to reconfirm what her desires were. She wanted God's direction not her own. She was so full of talent already. Yet she found the motivation I think we all need. She went to the thrown quietly . She didn't shout it fromt the roof tops. She was humble and on fire at the same time she found the courage to quiet herself. I could only watch in total awe of her desire to find God in a deeper place than ever before.
This woman has changed my perception of going after something. She was a living example of humble at one of the Writer's Events I host at my home. She has been a member since the group was created. She shared incredible testimony of overcoming anger and rage in younger years. This testimony captivated me because to me in my eyes she was everything opposite of anger and rage. She had found the mountain top and had defeated such an emotional prison. Yet at this last event she remained so quiet. I couldn';t help but notice her the entire evening. I knew what she was going through. She was fasting but she was doing more than that. She was waiting for God . She kept taking deep gasping breaths of air , as she would hold them in I would silently pray . What was she gasping for ? I was concerned yet I knew she was alright. She was in the shadow of the king in a stronger way than any of us could comprehend. She was in total denial of herself in complete longing for more of Jesus. How could she have the ability to be so true to the denial of the human body in search of a greater reality? I couldn't understand yet, I was witnessing it. She was ministering to me without saying a word. I knew that when she came out this on the other side something great was going to happen. She was seeking harder than anyone ever before.
A couple months later as I worked the coffee bar at my church she came around the corner. She was glowing. She was almost floating on the air as she walked. Her fullness had come back to her but the light shining out of her were like flashlights under her skin. She was nothing less than total Radiance. Her long journey of seeking had come to a place where she was now receiving and it continued to speak to me. Her smile was of complete joy. Her hands were happy as they did the job she so whole heartedly wanted to do. She is in her place without any doubt. No only did she know she wanted it, she took the time and put in 110% effort to seek the Lord and make sure her desires were of Him. Now not only did she find her radiance, she found it freely given to her through Christ and His mighty Spirit. She sought and she found her radiance and I am here writing about it because for me it was like watching a woman go from remembering her dead life to being reborn into a new life, Light and power. Thank you Amanda for being so transparent allowing me to see the courageous heart of a woman who was hungry for God. You found your radiance and I applaud you. I encourage you to feel confident in your steps because truly God is with you.
The woman and me once had a chance to sit and have coffee. She shared with me her wants. She wants what we all want. Her desire is to find a time to shine. Don't we all desire this ? I know I do. There is so much inside of her that has been created to benefit other people other than herself. Yet she says to me to not share what she has told. Out of respect I keep her desires to myself.
Time was going by and each day she seemed to be getting smaller . Her face was slowly loosing it's fullness and her clothes began to wiggle more in the breeze than before. She had eyes as big as ripe fruit yet she had little say. I knew what she was walking through. She was fasting and seeking the Lord. She was going to the thrown to reconfirm what her desires were. She wanted God's direction not her own. She was so full of talent already. Yet she found the motivation I think we all need. She went to the thrown quietly . She didn't shout it fromt the roof tops. She was humble and on fire at the same time she found the courage to quiet herself. I could only watch in total awe of her desire to find God in a deeper place than ever before.
This woman has changed my perception of going after something. She was a living example of humble at one of the Writer's Events I host at my home. She has been a member since the group was created. She shared incredible testimony of overcoming anger and rage in younger years. This testimony captivated me because to me in my eyes she was everything opposite of anger and rage. She had found the mountain top and had defeated such an emotional prison. Yet at this last event she remained so quiet. I couldn';t help but notice her the entire evening. I knew what she was going through. She was fasting but she was doing more than that. She was waiting for God . She kept taking deep gasping breaths of air , as she would hold them in I would silently pray . What was she gasping for ? I was concerned yet I knew she was alright. She was in the shadow of the king in a stronger way than any of us could comprehend. She was in total denial of herself in complete longing for more of Jesus. How could she have the ability to be so true to the denial of the human body in search of a greater reality? I couldn't understand yet, I was witnessing it. She was ministering to me without saying a word. I knew that when she came out this on the other side something great was going to happen. She was seeking harder than anyone ever before.
A couple months later as I worked the coffee bar at my church she came around the corner. She was glowing. She was almost floating on the air as she walked. Her fullness had come back to her but the light shining out of her were like flashlights under her skin. She was nothing less than total Radiance. Her long journey of seeking had come to a place where she was now receiving and it continued to speak to me. Her smile was of complete joy. Her hands were happy as they did the job she so whole heartedly wanted to do. She is in her place without any doubt. No only did she know she wanted it, she took the time and put in 110% effort to seek the Lord and make sure her desires were of Him. Now not only did she find her radiance, she found it freely given to her through Christ and His mighty Spirit. She sought and she found her radiance and I am here writing about it because for me it was like watching a woman go from remembering her dead life to being reborn into a new life, Light and power. Thank you Amanda for being so transparent allowing me to see the courageous heart of a woman who was hungry for God. You found your radiance and I applaud you. I encourage you to feel confident in your steps because truly God is with you.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
A Soliders Truth
The war, the war
it left them bleeding and scarred
the war took them away from home
they had no familiar belongings
except the feeling of longing
to just go home
if not, let me use the phone
a voice that is family
creates in war less tragedy
i am here to fight
people must die to make a point
i am her that delivers the body
that concludes the point
some body must die
if we want to dismiss the lie
death paves a way to change
this concept is more than strange
why would to die be of utter importance
to leave the wave of effectiveness seems somewhat nieve
to leave what you have caused
just becuase of death and it's own laws
think about it
think about it deep
how many times you write
ill die for you without a thought
would you
really ??
Thank you to all the men and women who have served our country.
it left them bleeding and scarred
the war took them away from home
they had no familiar belongings
except the feeling of longing
to just go home
if not, let me use the phone
a voice that is family
creates in war less tragedy
i am here to fight
people must die to make a point
i am her that delivers the body
that concludes the point
some body must die
if we want to dismiss the lie
death paves a way to change
this concept is more than strange
why would to die be of utter importance
to leave the wave of effectiveness seems somewhat nieve
to leave what you have caused
just becuase of death and it's own laws
think about it
think about it deep
how many times you write
ill die for you without a thought
would you
really ??
Thank you to all the men and women who have served our country.
A Great Memory
When the sun is perfectly adjusted itself to be just a warm kiss of light , that day always seems perfect. When the air is so gentle with it's coolness that wearing a tank and shorts is all you need. Days like this are so inviting and full of life. Every where you go people are out. Families and young people all alike. The skies are so blue I wonder why aren't we all just standing still gazing up at it? The trees are green and full of abundance. Leaves whispering in the breeze while the birds flock to their porches. It seems so romantic how it all works together. The flow of nature. Beautiful mysterious power. WE are nature. Mysterious and beautiful, rich in love. I will pursue the goodness of God all the days of my life.To be at a place where my days flow . Goodness coming and going out of each day. Praising and worshiping in my heart all the day is long. To look for ways to love in abundance to those in need. What if my willing to help someone who's need might be just $10 and I have$20? I can be that example of the son adjusted itself to be just the warm kiss of friendship ... I was given a very refreshing weekend. I am pleased to say God was glorified this weekend. I am encouraged to be a ray of light this week and try to on purpose show love to another.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Dear Amber ~
It makes more sense to me these days. Jesus dying. At first the concept of a Holy God sending his only son (who in reality is another part of himself) to the death on a cross was foolish. . My first perception of this story was that only reason he came and died is because he wanted to experience what he had already sentenced his creation too. Boy was this perception false. My thoughts have evolved and I still think I don't fully grasp it, but I think it is coming. The true revelation.
What scares me about end world secenrios that involve public panic and slaughtering of each other is that i know how much i love my kids. If I had too, I would kill yours in order to feed mine. I am woman with slight tolerance for blood, but if I had to kill to protect my own I would. It scares to think about what you the cruel , blood loving people out there whould do.
His only Son. We sing it. We claim it. But for reals think about it. Would you love something enough to sacrifice your son to help it ? My son, when he holds my hand and says " Mommy, you the best Mommy in the whole world" , I get tingles in my insides. My heart actually flutters and i think i produce serotonin. My son when he even acts like he is hurt I turn into my beast mode. I do whatever it takes to get him better. If there is a long line, I pray it fast. Dr.s won't see us, I stay on the phone until i hear yes. Whatever it takes.
My son I love the most. It's to easy to just read that God sacrificed his only son. Think about it ?.. Do you have a son, if not try to imagine. What in this world would mean that much to you that you would lay your son down on a cross. Insides hanging out.Graphic yes. My words aren't even coming close to the graphic part of how Jesus Died./ . He suffered. He was beaten and bruised. All while thinking of us.
One day i had eyes awakened. I saw humanity. I saw it in myself. The natural desire to dysfunction and be of evilness. Growing up feeling the call of lust. I was taught by those who were in my enviroment that sex is what i am and boose is what i drink. At the raw age of only 17 I had vodka bottles given to me by neighbors and friends of my parents. What ?? Ya , I am sure you get the direction of that story!!
Human kind is perverted by a lack of spiritual awareness, discipline, and hormones that are unchecked. REal conversations have yet to take place. Growing up the things boys did to my body i thought was a gift from them to me. Totally wrong. What my body shared and gave away was me, and the creation I am. I was the gift. I was the prize. I could of had it alone , without them. In all my femine beauty , the woman part of me is the prize. To receive it, you must love the human me.. the soul me.. the part of me that has no flesh..
I see the rawness of human kind. The people whom only see themselves. the selfish lookers, believers and religious folk.
God had to do something extreme to forgive us in our dirty ways. Man kind has pushed the envelope pass normal sin. WE have perverted almost every thing under the sun. WE have news reports of boys raping dogs, Mom's microwaving their babies and Pastors killing themselves. We are in 2014, where no one is wrong, and there is no right. To judge politically is cursed but to hate based on judgment is allowed. How could a holy God look down upon this mess and say He remembers our sin no more ? We are a sick, perverted culture fueled by sex and drugs and liquor. Abuse is more common than anniversaries of any kind. Poverty fuels our government. Where is God ?? I think if God were to judge the world we wouldn't be here. He is patient , He is kind. We are in a period of Mercy and grace. For what He did ,we should consider "how did we get so lucky?" I know this... God was serious the day he decided to save Man Kind. The Moment he created His Son with the destiny to Die for us and make all things new,, You and I got lucky. We were Blessed. WE were renewed. Because if God feels anything about his son as I do mine, then no joke we are somebody !!!!! No sin is larger than the cross. The cross can not , will not be defeated !! Condemnation is of the enemy. If you use guilt , you use sin to do nothing, but cause more sin...
Grace is here.... Stop it with the judging. The whispering, the s niggles .. It is so unnecessary. If you wish to lead then do it by loving, being graceful in your ability to look above the sin. If someone in the church is out of line and out of touch with the truth , you should be some where near him if you are true to the duty of what you claim... Come on now... Jesus Died! God's only son. What he left in Heaven to come face for you and me, we will never understand.Maybe just for a moment we should stop trying. Just go home and picture your son and his insides hanging out while nailed on a cross. Can you imagine the passion you must have for someone else besides your son, in order to sacrafice your son ?? We are that passion in the eye of God. How could we need anything more than that to over come ? Stop and taste the blood of the sacrifice in a mental theater .. See how important your are ?? Do you not grasp the new thing being done? Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
What scares me about end world secenrios that involve public panic and slaughtering of each other is that i know how much i love my kids. If I had too, I would kill yours in order to feed mine. I am woman with slight tolerance for blood, but if I had to kill to protect my own I would. It scares to think about what you the cruel , blood loving people out there whould do.
His only Son. We sing it. We claim it. But for reals think about it. Would you love something enough to sacrifice your son to help it ? My son, when he holds my hand and says " Mommy, you the best Mommy in the whole world" , I get tingles in my insides. My heart actually flutters and i think i produce serotonin. My son when he even acts like he is hurt I turn into my beast mode. I do whatever it takes to get him better. If there is a long line, I pray it fast. Dr.s won't see us, I stay on the phone until i hear yes. Whatever it takes.
My son I love the most. It's to easy to just read that God sacrificed his only son. Think about it ?.. Do you have a son, if not try to imagine. What in this world would mean that much to you that you would lay your son down on a cross. Insides hanging out.Graphic yes. My words aren't even coming close to the graphic part of how Jesus Died./ . He suffered. He was beaten and bruised. All while thinking of us.
One day i had eyes awakened. I saw humanity. I saw it in myself. The natural desire to dysfunction and be of evilness. Growing up feeling the call of lust. I was taught by those who were in my enviroment that sex is what i am and boose is what i drink. At the raw age of only 17 I had vodka bottles given to me by neighbors and friends of my parents. What ?? Ya , I am sure you get the direction of that story!!
Human kind is perverted by a lack of spiritual awareness, discipline, and hormones that are unchecked. REal conversations have yet to take place. Growing up the things boys did to my body i thought was a gift from them to me. Totally wrong. What my body shared and gave away was me, and the creation I am. I was the gift. I was the prize. I could of had it alone , without them. In all my femine beauty , the woman part of me is the prize. To receive it, you must love the human me.. the soul me.. the part of me that has no flesh..
I see the rawness of human kind. The people whom only see themselves. the selfish lookers, believers and religious folk.
God had to do something extreme to forgive us in our dirty ways. Man kind has pushed the envelope pass normal sin. WE have perverted almost every thing under the sun. WE have news reports of boys raping dogs, Mom's microwaving their babies and Pastors killing themselves. We are in 2014, where no one is wrong, and there is no right. To judge politically is cursed but to hate based on judgment is allowed. How could a holy God look down upon this mess and say He remembers our sin no more ? We are a sick, perverted culture fueled by sex and drugs and liquor. Abuse is more common than anniversaries of any kind. Poverty fuels our government. Where is God ?? I think if God were to judge the world we wouldn't be here. He is patient , He is kind. We are in a period of Mercy and grace. For what He did ,we should consider "how did we get so lucky?" I know this... God was serious the day he decided to save Man Kind. The Moment he created His Son with the destiny to Die for us and make all things new,, You and I got lucky. We were Blessed. WE were renewed. Because if God feels anything about his son as I do mine, then no joke we are somebody !!!!! No sin is larger than the cross. The cross can not , will not be defeated !! Condemnation is of the enemy. If you use guilt , you use sin to do nothing, but cause more sin...
Grace is here.... Stop it with the judging. The whispering, the s niggles .. It is so unnecessary. If you wish to lead then do it by loving, being graceful in your ability to look above the sin. If someone in the church is out of line and out of touch with the truth , you should be some where near him if you are true to the duty of what you claim... Come on now... Jesus Died! God's only son. What he left in Heaven to come face for you and me, we will never understand.Maybe just for a moment we should stop trying. Just go home and picture your son and his insides hanging out while nailed on a cross. Can you imagine the passion you must have for someone else besides your son, in order to sacrafice your son ?? We are that passion in the eye of God. How could we need anything more than that to over come ? Stop and taste the blood of the sacrifice in a mental theater .. See how important your are ?? Do you not grasp the new thing being done? Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.
Do we not perceive it ?? Can you please grasp onto the reality of Jesus dying ,in order for your flesh man to respond to the spared punishment ? He died. He died for you.
You can do all things through him who saved you. Join the victory party and cast down the demons who haunt you ?? This world is jacked up and we know it is because it took God's only son to die to redeem it. But because of this truth we can fly , soar, live above the curse and be of Heaven quality. Save yourself for marriage. Value yourself according to the value Christ saw when he laid down on a cross. You are somebody !!!!!! you have extreme worth. You are beautiful and devine. Your talents soar pass your faults. Your wisdom is like age , it comes slowly. Experience is your joy . Experience life. Embrace it. From good to bad and back from worse, nothing can destroy you as long as you realize your worth. God had to give up his son to equal your worth, in order to save you ! You are worthy of Jesus' life! Think about that next time a boy wants to use you , or friends speak of you badly.
We are the prize. We are the living creation with a God given right to experience. Once you know the difference between good and bad vow to do good. Share what creates good.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
RANTINGS OF MY MIND
There is a drive ,,, driving me to the bottom
There is a desire ,,,, keeping me from the bottom
My drive is opposite of my desire...
My drive is of disaster.
My desire is of heaven
since when did i become backwards
everything about me is opposite
my life is grey
not black
not white
but grey
i live inside the blurred lines
of not spoken or unseen
i am the invisible person of suffering
i do it a quiet
i do it without much effort
i am miserable
i am lost
WAIT....
i am not lost
i have been found
i am suffering in the longing of my flesh
the spirit of who i am
is soaring
high above
the consciousness of my skin
i am living only within
i die slow
i am needing a convert
to help
my hands find the path
to the place my heart rest
i am a child
who was told
not all people
were meant to be saved
they told me this
as they let me go
in the abyss
of rape and molestation
and now its back again
telling me
i am not worthy to be saved
it is a lie
its a lie
the devil is grinning
while my soul is longing
someone show my skin
the truth that my heart holds within
i am lost
i am un worthy to be found
some people were meant for misery
thats what they said all around
i am not she who you speak of
i am a child of God
i will not accept your lies
even though my skin despise
who i am on the inside
i will not settle for this day
i will escape it some way
my friends are my family
through Christ it is so
i reach to them
and their prayers help me grow
pass you and this day of lies
pass this day of miserable ,,, let it die
i am alive
you can't stop me
i am on top
you are on the bottom
i am alive
you are doomed and a lie
i dont beleive you anymore
go away and die
oh wait you are that what the story says
in the end
im alive
and devil
you are the one
dead
There is a desire ,,,, keeping me from the bottom
My drive is opposite of my desire...
My drive is of disaster.
My desire is of heaven
since when did i become backwards
everything about me is opposite
my life is grey
not black
not white
but grey
i live inside the blurred lines
of not spoken or unseen
i am the invisible person of suffering
i do it a quiet
i do it without much effort
i am miserable
i am lost
WAIT....
i am not lost
i have been found
i am suffering in the longing of my flesh
the spirit of who i am
is soaring
high above
the consciousness of my skin
i am living only within
i die slow
i am needing a convert
to help
my hands find the path
to the place my heart rest
i am a child
who was told
not all people
were meant to be saved
they told me this
as they let me go
in the abyss
of rape and molestation
and now its back again
telling me
i am not worthy to be saved
it is a lie
its a lie
the devil is grinning
while my soul is longing
someone show my skin
the truth that my heart holds within
i am lost
i am un worthy to be found
some people were meant for misery
thats what they said all around
i am not she who you speak of
i am a child of God
i will not accept your lies
even though my skin despise
who i am on the inside
i will not settle for this day
i will escape it some way
my friends are my family
through Christ it is so
i reach to them
and their prayers help me grow
pass you and this day of lies
pass this day of miserable ,,, let it die
i am alive
you can't stop me
i am on top
you are on the bottom
i am alive
you are doomed and a lie
i dont beleive you anymore
go away and die
oh wait you are that what the story says
in the end
im alive
and devil
you are the one
dead
Thursday, January 9, 2014
The Devils Lie
my head is spinning
I can't fall down
Im stuck in this dance
of keeping my feet on the ground
My hands are shaking
This sober reality is faking
I wanna go back and see my bottle
but to the dooms i throttle
my head is spinning
i can not find my sleep
i am sick of the demons
steadily after me in a slow creep
I do , I do , I call on his name
but the horror of my choices are to blame
he can't go and make me do anything
its my heart i must bring
but who has a heart that is ready
im all good and i hear pastor freddy
but me, really im not sure
my greatest fear is to burn
what about that smoke
it tastes so good that first toke
is it wrong, i dont know
i just need it , and it grows
all these things i have in mind
things that were true in that time
but its a new day
why cant my behavior see it that way
whats so new about it
im still all jacked up
I dont wanna give up
I dont think i know how to give up
Jesus is holding me and i cant give up
okay so here we go again
today is here, and today is not my friend
the liquor store is just around the corner
and the guy at the bar is busting a boner
pour me a drink
and in sin i wanna sink
no wait , this is not true
i have been made anew
oh man i am going crazy
best way to beat it is to be lazy
if i never leave my room
then i wont find the pending doom
as soon as i wake
my mind goes to what should i take
a pill, a shot and toke of a joint
what is this poems point ??
who knows
devils says im still a hoe
but this is so long ago
yet my mind screams
your still a hoe
i fight it, i fight it
i dont want you here in my thoughts
my life has been paid for and bought
who are you devil to say what i am
I rebuke you and all your stout
i cant be with you and be about
all that was
no longer is
this is the spirit and his biz
i am free
of you
of me
i am about
all he sees
let me go
you must flee
i dont need a bottle
or any weed
i am loved
i am adored
i am closing this door
of bad thoughts
and regrets of mistakes
im gonna choose life
and all of it's takes
My head is spinning
i can't fall down
i have come to far
to give up now
I move on and to another day
i am gonna read my word all the way
to heavens' gate i will go
and devil your lie
cuz i ain't no hoe !
I can't fall down
Im stuck in this dance
of keeping my feet on the ground
My hands are shaking
This sober reality is faking
I wanna go back and see my bottle
but to the dooms i throttle
my head is spinning
i can not find my sleep
i am sick of the demons
steadily after me in a slow creep
I do , I do , I call on his name
but the horror of my choices are to blame
he can't go and make me do anything
its my heart i must bring
but who has a heart that is ready
im all good and i hear pastor freddy
but me, really im not sure
my greatest fear is to burn
what about that smoke
it tastes so good that first toke
is it wrong, i dont know
i just need it , and it grows
all these things i have in mind
things that were true in that time
but its a new day
why cant my behavior see it that way
whats so new about it
im still all jacked up
I dont wanna give up
I dont think i know how to give up
Jesus is holding me and i cant give up
okay so here we go again
today is here, and today is not my friend
the liquor store is just around the corner
and the guy at the bar is busting a boner
pour me a drink
and in sin i wanna sink
no wait , this is not true
i have been made anew
oh man i am going crazy
best way to beat it is to be lazy
if i never leave my room
then i wont find the pending doom
as soon as i wake
my mind goes to what should i take
a pill, a shot and toke of a joint
what is this poems point ??
who knows
devils says im still a hoe
but this is so long ago
yet my mind screams
your still a hoe
i fight it, i fight it
i dont want you here in my thoughts
my life has been paid for and bought
who are you devil to say what i am
I rebuke you and all your stout
i cant be with you and be about
all that was
no longer is
this is the spirit and his biz
i am free
of you
of me
i am about
all he sees
let me go
you must flee
i dont need a bottle
or any weed
i am loved
i am adored
i am closing this door
of bad thoughts
and regrets of mistakes
im gonna choose life
and all of it's takes
My head is spinning
i can't fall down
i have come to far
to give up now
I move on and to another day
i am gonna read my word all the way
to heavens' gate i will go
and devil your lie
cuz i ain't no hoe !
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