RANTINGS OF MY MIND

There is a drive ,,, driving me to the bottom
There is a desire ,,,, keeping me from the bottom

My drive is opposite of my desire...
My drive is of disaster.
My desire is of heaven


since when did i become backwards
everything about me is opposite
my life is grey
not black
not white
but grey
i live inside the blurred lines
of not spoken or unseen
i am the invisible person of suffering

i do it a quiet
i do it without much effort
i am miserable
i am lost

WAIT....


i am not lost
i have been found

i am suffering in the longing of my flesh

the spirit of who i am
is soaring
high above
the consciousness of my skin
i am living only within
i die  slow
i am needing a convert
to help
my hands find the path
to the place my heart rest

i am a child
who was told
not all people
were meant to be saved
they told me this
as they let me go
in the abyss
of rape and molestation
and now its back again
telling me
i am not worthy to be saved
it is a lie
its a lie
the devil is grinning
while my soul is longing
someone show my skin
the truth that my heart holds within

i am lost
i am un worthy to be found
some people were  meant for misery
thats what they said all around

i am not she who you speak of
i am a child of God
i will not accept your lies
even though my skin despise
who i am on the inside

i will not settle for this day
i will escape it some way
my friends are my family
through Christ it is so
i reach to them
and their prayers help me grow
pass you and this day of lies
pass this day of miserable ,,, let it die

i am alive
you can't stop me
i am on top
you are on the bottom
i am alive
you are doomed and a lie
i dont beleive you anymore
go away and die
oh wait you are that what the story says
in the end
im alive
and devil
you are the one
dead