( Introduction to this post~ I wrote this about 6 months ago, just now ready to release it) I am about to spew onto this page the back up of spiritual vomit I have been collecting. Fear has ruined many days . I have spent many days in panic over things that people say and the things articles tell. I have been somewhat of a internet resident and many things on the internet can produce fear in my life. I battle fear as if it's the chick down the street (who presently is on my last nerve). Somethings and some people both try to over come me and it is easier to chase away a thief than it is fear. I can sabatoge myself hard and I am in a time of mourning because I did it again. I allowed what if to be bigger than what is. I vomit upon the empty page my failure so that God and it can take it away and it can be replaced once again with new perspective.
I moved here to PA motivated . My personal well being was my first priority and I was doing the things that started to show in my appearance. My skin starting really brightening and I could tell the weight was coming off. I was energetic and had self control at the table . Allowing myself to spend too much time in the presence of those entertaining sin and wrong thinking did more harm to me than it did good for them. I slowly lost my focus and became involved with the theories of others rather the truth in my Word and I let fear knock at my door. Next thing you know I am back at watching those internet videos about end world scenerios and such. I was watching videos on sudden weight loss could indicate you have cancer. That was it. I was dooped into a downward spiral of fear and self sabatoge at that very moment I questioned my weight loss as indication of disease and death instead of victory and triumph.
How pathetic is this ? I ask myself like , wow really ? What a moment of complete fear, I allowed my own thoughts to destroy what God was giving me. UUUUggghhhh !
It was a little difficult to come back to a place of complete surrender not because I am angry at God but I feel like it was would be easier to just be angry at him instead of come clean and admit in my soul how truly this shouldn't of happened because I knew better. I was aware of the chance Iwas taking when I decided to entertain undivine friendship with its hopes to deposit instead of inherit. I should always follow the direction of the holy Spirit because when I do things on my own I mess up hard.
Time to refocus and get back on my daily routine of taking my health seriously. My health is connected to whom i choose to let into my circle. I must stay focused on Him or else I can not function. I am to eager to jump on any emotional ban wagon is it is offered. I am so over the traveling through emotional moutains. I want it no longer.
So as I find myself once again comfortable in my dysfunction rather than my victory, I mustard up the courage to encourage myself to rebuke the fear and stay clear from all sources of it. Not all written articles are designed to be read by the believer and I acknowledge this completely. The only information I want going into my head is the knowledge and wisdom of God. I am completely eager to love on the ugliest of people. The ugly is what I am familiar with. Problem is God is leading me pass familiar and into unknown. I am scared because of the glare of glory shining in my face. Can I arise pass the equation that was designed to make me hate myself. Yes , Yes I can.. Yes I am.
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
The Leather Jacket Testimony
God has given me so many reasons to fall in love with him. This one particular testimony is about my leather jacket. Back in the day when Bubble~up was alive and we were doing our Gangsta thang I had a job at a local store where they had a post office. One day a lady came in and tried to drop off a big box that was delivered to her but did not belong to her. I informed the lady there was a $5 drop off fee and she wouldn't be able to leave the box without paying the fee. She was so mad she just dropped the box and walked out. I took the box to my car and decided it was going to be mine whatever was inside of it . Man when I got home I was so happy because inside the box was little leather jacket , trench coat, long and smooth with classy buttons down the front. It was my size and I loved it. I wore that jacket everywhere I went when we were playing the game. That jacket became my statement piece and everyone would always say Jewels the one with the black jacket. I loved that jacket. I felt like at that time it was a gift from the game.
After many years of being in the game and almost loosing my life a few times I desperatly cried out to God. I asked him if he could get me out I would turn over my life to him. He answered my prayer and saved me from death, prison, disease. I was extracted from my destruction and set upon a safe place and He began to restore my life. After I had been married for a year and having my son Tj God called me into my closet of the new home Tony had just bought for our new family. God told me in my heart to throw that leather jacket away. It shouldn't even be in my present day closet being longed for by me because it was when i was skinny. That the jacket represented the old me and I would never need it again. I couldn't bring myself to do it . I walked away from the closet.
Time went before one day I found myself in the kitchen and I could hear the Holy Spirit speaking to me about that Jacket. God wanted it out . I longed so badly for God to be close that I decided to listen this time and I ran to the closet and grabbed the jacket. It was trash day in El Mirage, Az and I could hear the truck on our street. I had the jacket in my hands and my heart was pounding so hard. I loved this jacket, it had so many memories of my old life attached to it. Okay God , I trust you. I ran to the curb and tossed the jacket inside the can. Moments later the truck was at my house and the jacket was now gone forever. My heart was pounding as i slowly walked into my house and starting thinking of what I had just done in the early morning hours , thinking it was God talking to me.
The following morning the doorbell rang and I didn't know who it could be. When I answered the door there was this really cute , bubbly , Latina chicka named Annette standing there. She had a leather jacket in her arms. She introduced herself as Annette and she was my new neighbor. She wanted to let me know she had moved in and that she saw me and realized that this brand new leather jacket that she had come across was just my size. She wanted to give it to me as a gift and wanted to know if we could be friends. I am still friends with Annette to this day. She is a special friend to me because God brought us together. God at that time was flooding my whole street with his presence and people were being drawn together and becoming a story of grace. This is one of the examples of how he did so. This is my testimony. God asked me to get rid of something and then he replaced it with some better. My new leather jacket was beautiful, fur lined and was the perfect size.
After many years of being in the game and almost loosing my life a few times I desperatly cried out to God. I asked him if he could get me out I would turn over my life to him. He answered my prayer and saved me from death, prison, disease. I was extracted from my destruction and set upon a safe place and He began to restore my life. After I had been married for a year and having my son Tj God called me into my closet of the new home Tony had just bought for our new family. God told me in my heart to throw that leather jacket away. It shouldn't even be in my present day closet being longed for by me because it was when i was skinny. That the jacket represented the old me and I would never need it again. I couldn't bring myself to do it . I walked away from the closet.
Time went before one day I found myself in the kitchen and I could hear the Holy Spirit speaking to me about that Jacket. God wanted it out . I longed so badly for God to be close that I decided to listen this time and I ran to the closet and grabbed the jacket. It was trash day in El Mirage, Az and I could hear the truck on our street. I had the jacket in my hands and my heart was pounding so hard. I loved this jacket, it had so many memories of my old life attached to it. Okay God , I trust you. I ran to the curb and tossed the jacket inside the can. Moments later the truck was at my house and the jacket was now gone forever. My heart was pounding as i slowly walked into my house and starting thinking of what I had just done in the early morning hours , thinking it was God talking to me.
The following morning the doorbell rang and I didn't know who it could be. When I answered the door there was this really cute , bubbly , Latina chicka named Annette standing there. She had a leather jacket in her arms. She introduced herself as Annette and she was my new neighbor. She wanted to let me know she had moved in and that she saw me and realized that this brand new leather jacket that she had come across was just my size. She wanted to give it to me as a gift and wanted to know if we could be friends. I am still friends with Annette to this day. She is a special friend to me because God brought us together. God at that time was flooding my whole street with his presence and people were being drawn together and becoming a story of grace. This is one of the examples of how he did so. This is my testimony. God asked me to get rid of something and then he replaced it with some better. My new leather jacket was beautiful, fur lined and was the perfect size.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
I am too tired to talk religion..
I am so tired of talking religion. I am so tired of reading blog posts on what does it truly mean to be a Christian. I am fed up with the opinions of some Christians on why they think other Christians are not living all that God has for them. Honestly I think if you are in a place where you don't feel as if your relationship with God can go any higher ,to the next step of enlightenment then your probably in more danger than the christians your talking about. Nothing can compare to the foul taste of spiritual death stank than that of a self righteous person. Come on now, we all have to much to say about what other people are doing. Last time I checked it was Jesus on the cross not you. I watch the news and I watch the news feed. Since when did we really start reporting tweets ?? Seriously ?
I tell you what I will make a deal with you . If your in my life and I am in yours then let's not talk about religion. Let's not talk about how we should be. Lets just be. Let's spend our time together doing things like going out to eat or shopping or gardening or baking. I am going to see you and you will see me. We will witness each other's character. I will observe how you treat other people that cross our paths and you will do so with me. We will have the opportunities through out each day to be either kind or self ish. It is nothing you can do to eliminate the fact that you share this world with other people right outside your door or on the other side of your living room wall. I think all of us would love to live on an exotic island alone but truth is it's not going to happen. We are not alone in this world or in this life. We may feel alone but we are not alone. The world is booming with people. Poor , rich, homeless, stuck up, moody, hateful, evil, beautiful, poetic, random, hyper, young , innocent , the list goes on and on of the people we share this life with. So let's keep this straight... l don't want to sit around and talk your religion with you... I wannna stir around some people and see how you treat people , to me that is your religion.
Stop talking about it and start being about it. Who you ask? , well the first person every morning who you should be a blessing to is yourself. Encourage that person because that's the first place grace should be effective. Too much talking. Too many mouths and not enough hands. Too many weapons and not enough ears. Too many wants and not enough giving. Too many victims and not enough heroes.
I am tired of listening to those who talk and then treat you like they don't know you when they are finished. I am tired of hearing and not seeing.. How you treat a people is your religion.
I tell you what I will make a deal with you . If your in my life and I am in yours then let's not talk about religion. Let's not talk about how we should be. Lets just be. Let's spend our time together doing things like going out to eat or shopping or gardening or baking. I am going to see you and you will see me. We will witness each other's character. I will observe how you treat other people that cross our paths and you will do so with me. We will have the opportunities through out each day to be either kind or self ish. It is nothing you can do to eliminate the fact that you share this world with other people right outside your door or on the other side of your living room wall. I think all of us would love to live on an exotic island alone but truth is it's not going to happen. We are not alone in this world or in this life. We may feel alone but we are not alone. The world is booming with people. Poor , rich, homeless, stuck up, moody, hateful, evil, beautiful, poetic, random, hyper, young , innocent , the list goes on and on of the people we share this life with. So let's keep this straight... l don't want to sit around and talk your religion with you... I wannna stir around some people and see how you treat people , to me that is your religion.
Stop talking about it and start being about it. Who you ask? , well the first person every morning who you should be a blessing to is yourself. Encourage that person because that's the first place grace should be effective. Too much talking. Too many mouths and not enough hands. Too many weapons and not enough ears. Too many wants and not enough giving. Too many victims and not enough heroes.
I am tired of listening to those who talk and then treat you like they don't know you when they are finished. I am tired of hearing and not seeing.. How you treat a people is your religion.
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