My favorite thing about Jesus is how he addresses the women he is speaking too as woman. In my heart I receive that as if he is acknowledging his creation before our individuality and to me that is fascinating because he only does it to women . Our ability to reach beyond ourselves is equal in the fact that naturally it represents itself as giving birth to a baby. It is identical in all ways when it comes to level of giving oneself , whether it is familiar or not. This is the dna of a woman.
It is not an easy thing to wake up one day and realize that this day is not about you. From the moment you wake up and until you lay down things are about people in your life, in your world. I strive for it. I must give of myself to honor and show appreciation for what the Lord has given me. So little by little I commit , I give, I give , I give. That extra little step all day long for my immediate family , husband and kids. Outside family I am trying to establish good memories. Friends, I love them honestly. Strangers are the ones I am probably most nice too because I only have a moment to deposit into their life what is overflowing at the moment of our divine conception.
Sometimes I get mad. I get so tired. The same routine over and over again. Nothing stimulating in my immediate environment because instead of those whom I try to minister to the most through love and dedication are not interacting with me.. they are living suitably and easily because I have done their work. I have become a car in the drive way instead of a woman in their day. I get frustrated. I want to quit. I say alot of bad words and sometimes find myself stealing a candy bar. The rebellion over comes me and I lash out. I don't want to be used!
My Jesus tank is empty. If I have ever needed a moment of worship , it is now. Woman , is how I by faith, choose to see myself. I imagine in my head my Jesus asking "Woman, are you of little faith ?" and I say " No , I am not my Lord. "
These moments of realizing it is not about me first send me into a rage and the outcome of the rage is my acknowledgment (me screaming it from every point of view I have) Jesus I need you. I am empty . Fill me again of your Spirit. Let the river flow . Flow to me My lord. Without you I will go mad in routines of constant giving. I must be in your mix to be digested so intensely. I love to be overflowing but without your presence I am empty. You inhabit it the praises of your people. My heart wants to praise you and worship you. To come into a place where my tears can flow and no one has to pay a price for it. I need not to lash out.. I need to lift hands ! My Lord , My Lord.. I am her. Woman. I can give beyond more than received because I don't need them. I need you. Jesus , bring me to my knees .
I have found a church that I am ready to call my own. Freedom life had us spoiled with the Saturday night services. The church likes starts at 9;30 on a Sunday. Tony and Jade are not morning people but yes they will be this Sunday.. Lol.
This was a random moment of expression because honestly this is a personal record of an intimate moment in a woman's life. Read it and hear more than a story. Hear a heart .
