Time is going by so fast. Kids are growing up. Parents are getting older. I want to slow down and stop wasting time. I want to be the best parent. I want to have meaningful relationships in my community. I want all these things yet I have none. What is it that I am missing. I feel like a stick shift in neatureal who being pushed around by my own weight. where are my gears ??
I spent a long time in this cycle of mental defeat. I didn't have any real great near death experience this time. It simply got too loud.
Quiet has returned to me, time to go and engage in what is , my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ UpDate ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As I go back and read some of the things I have written and never shared, I find myself thankful. I am thankful that the gift of writing has helped someone. The someone is me. I remember when the subject of writing surfaced back in a bible class at my church things were still kinda low for me. I was finally comfortable in my role as a wife and mother. Outside of that I really struggled to know who I was. The moment I would get free time it would be as if I would instantly want to do something unhealthy like eat out , smoke, drink, listen to hard core music. I really wrote the above piece in a moment where I didn't think about what i was writing, Iwas writing to release.
PRAISE GOD
It has been awhile since things have been that way. Upon the creation of Writer's Lounge writing has stayed a point of focus. I have changed so much . It 's been about a year or so and my life is completely different. I no longer find myself watching TV . I am living life from a different place. I am engaged. I find myself taking less pictures. I don't carry my cell phone everywhere I go. I am active with my kids..I have realized that my kids are really awesome people. I have invested time in several relationships with great people in my church,so I have friendship and fellowship all around me. I have been volunteering whenever I can at my church and my kids school. . I am excercising. I am eating healthy . I am praying alot more. I am writing. I am witnessing people's beauty. Everything around me is alive. I can see my Lord's touch in all the things that entertain my attention. He is a genuis and his ideas are living and so are mine. I am not thinking anymore , I am doing. I have victory and for me the nudge was the writing. I share this with you today to share my gift of healing that has come through writing. I encourage you to find the time to appreciate your own writing. If your true to the reason your writing, then the words will always be true to you. Personalities are developed in a writer's touch and we begin to appreciate the identity of each other in a more intimate way. Sometimes we can begin to appreciate our own stories in a deep place. It is well with my soul.
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