Recently I have been getting alot of buzz around town so to say. Friends of mine telling me how they are running into people from our church and some from other churches who have asked about me or mentioned my name in some sort of way. This one particular story kinda was working at me from the inside. It was shared with me and now slowly it was trying to penetrate my heart and my spirit and bring feelings of rejection, embarrassment, shame. I had to consciously sit down and rework my thought process in order to not let it continue laughing at me. Someone who knows me for my testimony made some silly remarks about how everyone knows me and my testimony. They hinted around as if they wanted to dig deeper into the smug undertone but the girl who they were speaking to is a dear friend of mine. She shut that down immediatly. It hurt my feelings that someone would take my testimony and make fun of me . They would knock down my effort to Glorify the same God she says she loves. Then it started eating at me , maybe i do sound like a fool. Maybe my testimony really does just make me look bad. Maybe my testimony isn't really about God but about tearing myself down. I had to stop. I had to refocus. I decided to walk away from the entire thing with the conclusion that if what I am known for is my testimony then Praise God. When I get to heaven Jesus will say good job Julie. I was a dramatic rescue from sin. The depths of sin that I was sinking in called for some of Jesus' supernatural stuff to save me. And boy did he. I still can remember so many different supernatural events that I have seen in my life. These precious moments of time where the reality of Jesus and Heaven existed right here in my physical life. The Lord used this woman to speak over my life one day a few years back about how my testimony would be known by many and that i was called to share my story and that everything i have ever went through was training.
Back in the younger years when pagers were the popular thing I had successfully created a language using numbers to use with my crew. Even though I no longer use pagers or the numbers with anyone the Lord has begun to use my number language to communicate with me. He knows what those numbers mean to me. In fact I have always always loved the number 7-God's number. In fact he allowed Tony and I to meet and be married on 07-07-07 at 7pm on the 7th day of the week. 381 is a very important number. It means I love you. Three words, eight letters , one meaning. Often times as I read scripture some of the most life changing ones have the numbers 381 in them some how some way. It is our love language.
I have a friend at church who touched my heart when speaking of the Break Through Center on Sunday morning as I was working the info desk. I feeling kinda down about the above referenced conversation about me and my testimony, so I decided that I would just finally go. After hearing about this place for so long it is time for me to go. So I did. I followed my friend over and spent the morning. Needless to say I was touched at the heart of the people who are running this . Very passionate about giving. The heart of Jesus is alive and well. As I settled and watched the people coming in I pondered in my mind who they were and what was thier story . I stayed kinda quiet not sure of how to fit in. I was just taking in the whole picture so that I can learn the ropes. I plan on going back as much as I can. To serve. After a while the group of people were called for devotional. All the people sitting around sipping coffee and eating donuts and fruit were in a circle. The lady who led the devotional was very sweet. She prayed and asked Holy spirit to take lead, and boy did he ever. She had two books to read from . She read aloud the devotionals of some very good books. She then began to share how the Lord had given her a word for that particular moment and that she knew clear as day the word was " testimony". My heart jumped from my chest. I knew why I was there. That was the Lord speaking to my heart saying yes your testimony is needed. In this place it will have the annoiting to speak right into the hearts that were there. My testimony is not about me but about my God. I finally realized it was the devil trying to make fun of me about my testimony so that I would stop sharing it. No !! But God can take my shame and turn it into His Glory because look at me now. Look at me now. I am a successful woman of God. Every need met, every good thing in my life as he has promised us all. I have no indication of my past written on my face. He has taken years off my soul through the redeeming of time. He redeemed my name sake.
When it was time for me to leave I didn't want to go. I quietly slipped out the door as the people stopped to sit back out in the coffee shop area to have lunch. I was on my way home to get Tony up for work and cook him breakfast and fix his lunch and dinner for the day. As I got in my car my heart was still kinda racing. I knew I had just experienced a divine appoointment. I can't say for sure who but that testimony was meant for someone in that room. That the words spoken out of my mouth about what God has done for me spoke directly into the life of someone who is where I used to be. I was so tense with excitment. Then in one swoop the Lord reached down from the heavens and a peach colored fancy pretty car pulled in front of me and the license plate read this (i dont remember the letters) 3 letters and the the fours numbers ~ 7381
I gasped in the air and rolled my eyes to the skies and said I love you too Jesus !!! He made sure he let me know that what just happened was a God moment and he was proud of me for telling my truth. I wrote this piece as an altar. So I will always remember.
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